My teacher

I had a crush on my grade nine teacher. He gave me lots of attention and made me feel special. i guess I wasn't used to getting so much attention. He said I looked like Nicole Kidman, and this made me feel extra special. I don't think I had a very good father figure growing up. I became really shy around him...I wouldn't say hi to him in the halls...and I think he was offended by this. I day dreamed about him and he made me feel good about myself. when I ve was in highschool I was the quiet good kid. No one ever really knew that I was hurt inside and I wouldn't let anyone know. I wanted people to respect me and htink of me as a good kid...no one knew I was lonely or that I didn't have needs met. I didn't know how to get my needs across. In grade eleven I was struggling at home. I was always yelling at my mom...and because we didn't have two cars...I was always stuck at home in the country. I coudln't get out anywhere unless a friend could drive me. I was shy around guys and I felt like I was missing out on a lot. I just wanted someone to love me and make me feel special and let me know that I was worth something. I got good grades in school but that wasn't enough. I emailed my teacher...I can't even remember what I wrote...but I was depressed...I wrote him two times...I was in math class. He came to my math class and took me to his classroom. I know it sounds weird...but I really needed that...I wanted to just talk about my problems and have someone pay attention to them. I didn't want to be blamed for my depression any longer. He talked to me...he said I had change a lot since grade nine and that he hardly knew me. this killed me inside. I wanted to be known and feel close to someone...since then I've been pretty much broken. Until I met my bf who makes me feel special and worht something. I am happy with him now...but I always dawn back on my teacher and it kills me...I feel less beautiful and less attractive...I don't even want to try sometimes...because I'm like whats the point...the man I thought who cared about me...it turned out he didn't...I've never had any close friends or relatives...I can't get my teacher out of my head...

I had a similiar experience with my tenth grade French teacher. It broke my heart. I would focus on the future- and focus on your boyfriend, too...perhaps you could go away to college somewhere in which you would be less isolated and have more access to new people, new friends. new interests..what are your dreams?

hey, Myoasis89
I exactly have had an similar experience before.I mean i had a crush on my teacher and get over-attached to her mentally until it turned out to be too much for me.Yep,i wasnt good either at that time. Depressed though i was doing good grades.No such things as close friends for me.
And finally it turned out that she didnt care the way i did or i hoped.I got hurt and everything. I thought it was the lowest period of my life and once seemed i could never got it over.

Well, big girl ...keep your head up and send my best wishes for you.

((((Myoasis89))))

I think it's a dangerous thing falling in love with someone way older than you that you would have to see everyday even if you couldn't. You have to end what never could be and get over it...