[jennifer23]

Well I do not want to tell a huge long story, but...

I married my husband in Oct 07. He has three children with his ex-wife they were divorced in March 07. We were on and off since Dec of 06. They broke it off in Nov of 06, yes I know it was to soon for him to date and I should of knew better but I really liked him.

Anyhow, like I said we got married Oct 07 we just had a son June 08. I went to my moms due to a c-section with our son, I was gone for 2 weeks. I come home to find out that he had slept with his ex-wife. I don’t know what to do.. Ever since we have been together married and not she has always tried to get him back but then when she could she didn’t want him really. She just wants him on her back burner so if she ever needs to she can get with him. We have the three kids every other weekend and she is just such a *****. She made him take them on the day we got married so no honeymoon. She always makes him take them when she says, keep them for weeks at a time out of school. We live 20 min away so we cant take them back and forth. She hasn’t done that yet this school year though. The day I was going to have our son she didn’t want to get the kids yes we had them then to. I want to know if any other woman has been though this.

I love my husband and don’t want this to end but I know that we have to fix it. Its not that easy though because he will always have to have contact with her due to there children. We have talked about moving but he cant she put that in there divorce papers that he cant move more then 15 miles from her and the kids. The child support is a whole other issue which she screwed him up on also.

She is also dating a woman. Even though she slept with him. I hate her so much more now then ever.

What do I do?
Is anyone else dealing with this?

Thank you,
Please let me know..
Jennifer

[Gleak]

Hey Jennifer,

I'm no expert on relationships. Matter of fact, my relationship just went over a rocky road.

Maybe an example of what we went through and what we did to resolve the issue will help you cope.

She and I have been living together for 3 years. She's an in home caregiver and works from Tuesday morning until Thursday night at her company residence.

During the last month and a half, a guy, about her age, a client of the company she works for but from a different residence (so it wasn't her client, she had no need to care for him) was coming over to see her for up to 5 hours a day just to talk and share stories and essentially build a relationship.

He would also call her throughout the day and night. It felt to me like she was cheating on me, even though I believe there was no romantic feelings or physical dealings between them.

She became emotionally involved with him, enough that when I confronted her about it and told her it made me uncomfortable, she put up one hell of an effort to continue her relationship with this man.

Essentially, it came down to she and I having a really long conversation on several occasions in order to be on the same page.

You see, in a relationship such as a marriage, it should be you and your spouse VS the world. He should have your back and you should have his and if he cheated on you with his ex wife, I think you have two options.

The first of which is probably the one you'll want to hear. Talk it over with him. Let him know that by cheating on you with his ex wife, he essentially snapped into pieces a trust barrier that's essential to your relationship being successful.

Without trust, a relationship will fail every single time. This is why talking with him and letting him know your feelings on the situation is imperative. You need to do this. Remember to try and stay calm even though i'm sure your emotions are overwhelming as mine were. Allow him a chance to understand the way you feel, why you feel that way and how you believe the situation could be made to work out.

For example, tell him it makes you very uncomfortable knowing he absolutely has to have contact with his ex, and it would make you feel better if you could be there during child exchanges as well as for phone calls. After all... he broke the trust barrier, not you. You, in my opinion, have every right to ask this (and things like it) of him.

If he's unwilling to do this, then my advice would be to avoid any possible future pain he's willing to let you feel by cheating on you the next time. I hope that this post helped you out in some way. Good luck and I hope the best for you and your relationship!