[Water]

I can't lie. I'm the worst liar. That must be good for therapy, lol, but it's not as good on daily life.

I am the type of person, though, who is lied to A LOT.

Wonder if the inability to lie has any connection with the ability to be easily fooled in spite of my ESP. In the end they can always point their fingers and say, "you are lying to yourself", although... I don't think so?

What about you? Are you the liar or are you lied to?

[Wants2Fly]

Sometimes I "lie," but usually it is more in the way of a social lie, trying to spare someone's feelings. "Oh, yes, that dress looks lovely on you."

Sometimes I am lied to. Most people believe that they can tell when they are being lied to, but research suggests it is very difficult. In one study, jurors after a trial were confronted with defendants, some of whom told lies and some of whom told the truth, and the batting average was pretty low.

One of the problems is that people who lie a lot are very good at it. I mean, in order to get away with it, they would have to be, right? So they become pretty good at the con.

Sometimes even deceiving themselves in the end.

One of my professors was an expert in lie detector research and claims that lie detectors do a miserable job of ferreting out liars. People who rarely tell lies may sweat and develop a skippy pulse, etc., just because they feel under stress when wired up. The habitual liar will be cool, calm, and collected and can evade lie detection. He advised us to never voluntarily take a lie detector test bec. it could do more harm than good for us.

[allautumn]

People who are generally more honest expect nothing less than honesty from others. We get burned again and again because we give people the benefit of the doubt. The naivete of youth wears off... we get more jaded. Depending on how well you know and trust someone, and based on experience, it gets easier to spot a liar.
People who lie frequently worry about it, and that makes them paranoid of others. They may even lie to you to protect them selves from harm, believing that you intended to decieve them. People who lie a lot feel that they are gaining something from it, what ever that may be. There must be a motive. They are motivated to lie, just as others are motivated to tell the truth by their empathy and morals, both derived from emotional intelligence.
People generally assume that others are similar to them selves when trying to discern truth through logic, because that is the only comparative factor they have. That's why it's so hard for an honest person to understand a malicious liar, and so hard for a malicious liar to understand an honest person. We have different intentions.
I sympathise, but I don't think your poll is very fair!
Everyone tells "white" lies now and then - or, a lot. In fact, studies have shown that an average person tells a lot of white lies without thinking to much about it, simply to make smoother social interaction (ie less explanations, to avoid getting in trouble when late for work, or to avoid hurting someone's feelings) A poll of 5000 women in Britain says that %96 resort to little white lies on a regular basis for this reason. That's almost everyone.
I guess when you think someone might be lying to you, it's better to try to find their self-serving motive. Unles of course, they are lying selflessly in the belief that it somehow benefits you. If there is no motive to be found, they're probably telling you the truth. Besides, you could just openly ask them if they are and judge their reaction. It's better than brooding suspiciously.

[Wants2Fly]

RE: Besides, you could just openly ask them if they are and judge their reaction.

In the case of friends who are mostly transparent to us, this may work. In the case of the practiced liar, it may not. They can fool even a lie detection device, as they have no sweaty palms, elevated or irregular heartbeat. etc.

[allautumn]

There's always the hope that they will be honest with you when asked didrectly, is what I'm getting at. If the person is close to you, I hope they would care enough to tell the truth.
Any one who isn't close to me is always taken with a grain of salt, in the knowledge that even if they are lying, it does not affect my life. I know a lot of guys that like to tell stories... I just listen. It's amusing.

[(JD)]

Unfortunately I too easily recognize your black and white thinking: from experience!

I have learned, part of my therapy, that not everything I catalogued as a lie, was really a lie. People "misspeak" in that what they say may not be the truth, but it isn't a "lie."

Also, it is not always the truth that someone is looking for, and it takes insight to realize that and perhaps just plain not answer the question. You might also be calling that a lie?

By God's law, we are all liars.

Few of us really "lie", that is,consciously distort the truth for our own benefit, or for the detriment of another.

So while I don't believe I am such a liar, I also don't have the idea that everyone lies to me. Again, therapy helped me realize this.

[flowers601]

My mother lied to me all my life.. so much so I don't know what is truth that comes out of her mouth! AND STILL DOES TO THIS DAY!!!!!!

I cover up for my mistakes (ADD) if you want to call that a "lie" yes, I do "lie". I hide things sometimes.. not telling the whole truth, but so, people don't see I forgot.

I think I got the "Art of Lying" from my mother.

I don't think I am a liar now that I understand why I did the things I did. (just finding out I had ADD) I always had others best intentions in mind. Not wanting to hurt them or embarrass myself. Well, sometimes I didn't want my husband to be upset again I forgot to pay another bill.... BUT now looking forward I don't want to be that person anymore!

Kathy

[misstonya]

I have this technique for always being able to tell when a man is lying to me 100% accurate!!!!
Their mouth is moving

lol just kidding to any of the guys this may offend.

[Malady156]

Criteria for lying is pretty simple. You have what is actually fact and then you have awareness thereof. Both must be present in the face of a representation that is not factual in order to constitute a lie. Obviously if someone doesn't know the actual facts of something they are not lying -- they may be erring, but they are not lying.

Factuality varies with situation and topic. The level of factual accuracy required can be different for answering about something abstract as opposed to answering about a particular concrete event. The more literal and concrete the matter in question, the more "black and white" the determination of lying can become, because concrete facts can be verified or disproven. Whereas a personal experience mingled with perceptions and impressions of that experience layered underneath an icing of personal belief system and how it relates to the particular interpretation of the meaning of that experience, and sprinkled with the effort of translating all of the above into a common vernacular for relaying, can make for a rather colorful, complicated, cavernous cake indeed, where the question of "lie versus truth" can be swept away in the tides of subjectivity.

Allautumn, I thought the stuff you wrote in your earlier post (#96874) was dynamite. Thanks for putting it out there~! I tend to regard myself as what I call "pathologically honest". There's no virtue in it whatsoever; it's utterly compulsive and beyond my control. I am highly allergic to lying and quick to spot it in another, particularly when it is of the complicated social-dance variety, the sort of lie that is played out rather than told, if you know what I mean. The ability to see through people socio-emotionally without even trying is a hard curse to bear; it creates something of a Cassandra complex for me, because everything becomes a catch-22 whenever another person is less than honest with me. I feel like if I play along I am taken for a fool, yet if I try to unmask them, they simply mock me by claiming I am just being paranoid, oversensitive, overpersonalizing, etc. WHATEVER. (**kill**)

[Water]

I would like to thank all the people who took their time to write their insights into the subject - excellent insights - and those who voted too.

Thank you!!

[SeptemberMorn]

Water, you didn't give ME a choice! hehe My kids never could get away with lying to me. I always busted them. There was a time I lied quite a bit but that was when I was afraid to be me. MY truth wasn't good enough for me and I felt it was that way for those around me. When I divorced my first husband, I made up my mind to STOP IT! It was too difficult to keep up with what I had said. LOL

Now I can usually tell who's lying to me and who's not. (Is that ESP?) Depending on who it is, I'll bust them on it as kindly as I can. If they don't stop, I cut them out of my life. My relationships have to be honest, no ifs, ands or buts.