Family dynamics

It's that time of year again where I have to deal with my family on a regular basis due to the holidays. I love my family don't get me wrong but they drive me up the ever loving wall.

When I was even more overweight than I am now they told me I was eating too much and now that I have had my tummy surgery they tell me I'm not eating enough. Even though they keep commenting on how good I look.

I have one part of the family that comes to the family gatherings but practically ignores the rest of the family and when I try to talk with them get snubbed so I don't even try and when asked why I don't talk with them my family doesn't understand that I try but don't get any response.

I am the only single person in our family so when the planning for the meal is made I am told oh just bring sodas when I want to cook something which is ironic because I am the one in the family that actually likes to cook. So I told my aunt that I am bringing an appetizer and was told well it's not necessary but if you feel you must then do it. So was basically patted on the head and let do my own thing. I can contribute to the meal people!! Also I am the only cousin that gets a gift from my Grandma this year because I am single she also told me its because I am so good to her. I'm not sure what she meant by that but I can only gather its because I call her once in awhile just to talk. I also get a gift from one of my Aunt's and Uncle's just because I'm single and they think I'm not getting enough...umm isn't the reason for the season not about getting gifts?

Ok I am stepping down off my soapbox now and I know I should feel lucky because I have family so close to me and that we get together.

I just wish that they didn't single me out because of the fact that I am single.

Jbug

I know what you mean. it's really a shame people act like this, if you're not married you're a child, you don't count. it pressures people into getting married when maybe they wouldn't otherwise.

then, though, someday you might get married, and then you won't be a adult because you don't immediately have kids!

my husband's family takes the infantilizing cake though. last christmas they dressed up as santa and mrs. claus and went ho-ho-ho-ing all over the house. there were no kids there. there was nobody under age 30.

I think if relatives want to give you a gift, then great. It's from their heart and up to us to try be gracious. Your grandmother may feel very sincerely grateful that you call her up to chat regularly and she is just saying thank you. HOWEVER, I don't think a large family gathering is the right time to give just one person a gift. It embarrasses the person getting the gift--you--because you're being singled out, and it makes others feel left out and somehow undeserving. What are your Aunt/Uncle and grandmother thinking?! Maybe you can head them off at the pass and somehow arrange to receive your gift away from the others, in the bedroom or something. I've never heard of single people being singled out for gifts. And in my family, we definitely expect the single people to bring food for the dinner because we figure they have more time than the mom with 3 little kids. Let the mom bring the sodas. Good for you to prepare an appetizer. Knock their socks off! Your aunt was very ungracious about accepting your offer. Ah, families! Thank goodness we don't have holidays every week.

I am going to make bruschetta for my appetizer..easy but impressive. I don't know why I let my family get to me so much. I'm just glad we mainly only get together on holidays or if one of my out of town cousins is in town which isn't too often because they are busy in Houston and Atlanta. The one that lives in Houston has 3 kids and one of them hates to ride in the car for long trips so they don't come up here very often.

I know it's something I need to work out in therapy and will continue to do so.

Jbug