Hope this is the place for help...

hi,
i found this site searching google and i think that maybe you could help me with my problem.
the story goes like this : i'm 26 years old, and have a girlfriend for the last 6 month. the other day while we were speaking i told her about this 16 year old girl i've been chatting with on ICQ occasionally. i was affrayed of telling her about it because i thought she would be jealous, but what happened surprised me a lot and made me feel very weird about everything. she reacted as if i was some kind of pervert even though i told her the chat was always correct and about nothing sexual or of that kind. she asked me why i had these chats and all i could think of as a reason/excuse is that i'm allways online at work and sometimes get bored of working so i chat with people... and i do not find it so odd chatting with a younger girl, that sometimes seeks my advice, and sometimes just tells me about her day-to-day life.
the answers i'm looking for is weather my behavior is really that unusual and strange and why it seems like that to her even though she knows me quite well ?
another thing i should add is that we knew each other through a friend of both of us, but before her most of my dates have started through the internet - meaning most of my life was around the net.
thank's in advance
Me

Hi and welcome! I don't think it's odd at all, I find it nice to speak with someone when I am bored. Just because they are of the opposite sex does not mean it is sexual. *hugs*

the thing is she's not much of an internet person at all so she doesn't understand when i tell her it has no meaning, and what about the age thing ? should that be of any concern to anybody ?

I'm 20, female, and I regularly chat with a man here who is 48. Our conversation is definitely non-sexual, yet i count him as one of my friends here. Although friendships with large age differences can exist in real life, they are much easier to maintain over the anonymity of the internet, and I think that people who don't regularly use the internet dont understand the good relationships that can be built up between people. My father does not really understand chat and his greatest concern is that I can't ascertain who i am talking to, and of course people can pretend to be somebody they are not. But still... maybe you should just not mention chat so much to your gf. if she doesnt really understand it, why upset her if you dont have to do? maybe you should just downplay it.

well that's what i did until now, but after 6 month i thought i could be honest with her when she asked me about my chat partners. for the sake of our friendship i'm willing to even give up these so called virtual buddies since she fills my life with plenty of love and concern.

Welcome New Member --

Yours is an interesting question for me. Until I started coming to the Forums in July, I had no online friends. The computer was for work, period.

I think I would have questioned the relationship between a 26M and a 16F if I'd not had the experiences making friends here that I have. I don't see anything wrong or suspicious about it, if all is as you say it is. I think one thing that perhaps you can't know is whether the teenage girl has a "crush" on you. Sexual emotions run high in some teenagers. For that matter, in some of us who are a good deal older.

It is easy to fall in love with someone online. There is a great quotation by M.M. Kaye, the novelist, that I have to quote from memory: It isn't hard to fall in love with someone you don't know. In fact, the less you know about 'em, the easier it is.

Having given my caveats, the thing that troubles me most is that you are willing to give up your online life for a woman you have known only 6 months. You are still in the deep passionate part of getting to know her. Cutting off parts of your Self to please her is not a good deal for you.

If she cannot accept you in all your multidimensions, I think hiding your online life can lead to trouble down the line. Minimizing it, so not to upset her, may be okay. It depends on how minimal you have to make this part of yourself -- how great the appeasement factor.

I'll be interested in knowing how all this turns out over time. Please keep us posted.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about why women compete with each other so much. I found myself in a situation of getting involved with someone whose relationship with a previous gf had hit rock bottom... Him and I were ready, set, go; she didn't give a crap about him anymore for ages. But then she found me out.

Upon finding me out, her reaction was the most predictable female reaction possible: all of a sudden, she was trying to give him what she hadn't in years. From everything that I had to hear from her, coming from her mouth or typing, it was very clear that, for her, it was about competition with me, a lot more than a suddenly newfound love for him.

Which is pretty sad.

On the other hand, though, the hardest thing is to live your life freely when a relationship is going on. I can believe that your chats with the teen are innocent. I can also understand the jealousy of your gf, if she figures that her competition is a 16 y.o. with her buttocks and breasts all firm and fresh.

Does that make any sense? It just got me thinking, your post. Thinking about the boundaries of monogamy and the anticipation of sexual and/or affection frustration. Not having complete control over somebody else's life.

:-)