[St. John Wort]

Do any of you have self destructive tendencies? I'm new around here and I'm sure I'm not the only one...a little self hate? Anyone?

How do you control the anger?

[carchick]

Originally Posted by St. John Wort

Do any of you have self destructive tendencies? I'm new around here and I'm sure I'm not the only one...a little self hate? Anyone?

How do you control the anger?

Like...YEAH!! I tend to isolate first though. I go through some good, long alone time...wow, I am SO good for myself...especially when I'm alone! Does anyone else smell that sarcasm? I am also new here, and am struggling to deal with self-loathing...

[cantstopcrying]

There are days and times throughout the day that I'm not too fond of myself, also. But what I have found is if, when I'm feeling like the most useless piece of lettuce (it's nicer to say than the other), I can either say or write the word STOP. I know, I know, how silly and useless. But really, the act of not just thinking it, but saying it or writing it and seeing it written out helps (me). Then I really have to focus on why I'm feeling like that, why am I so disgusted with myself. What exactly did I do? For instance, I have a post somewhere on here where I really screwed up at work--I forgot to go to our sattelitte office and left a patient and a study rep hanging. I hated myself all day. All day. Stupid wasn't mean enough for me to say. But when I was made to look at why, it stopped the anger long enough to figure out that I am a perfectionist--uber-perfectionist when it comes to me. I'm not allowed (by myself) to make mistakes. Why? Was I ever allowed to make them growing up? What influenced that. It's a whole thought process that if you can stop the anger and disgust and self-loathing and look at why, it may help. If you ask someone out and they say no, then you hate yourself, why? What exactly are you hating and is it rational and real. It's definately something hard to do but if you can stop it at any point by any means, it's worth it to look at the rational reason and the why. Also, apply it to a friend....would you hate a friend for the same reason you hate you?

[Michah]

Originally Posted by St. John Wort

Do any of you have self destructive tendencies? I'm new around here and I'm sure I'm not the only one...a little self hate? Anyone?

How do you control the anger?

Absolutely! I was homicidal when I was first diagnosed and labelled with "psychopathic anti-social behavioural tendencies". It really fit. I was constantly in trouble with the law and I often had to be escorted from my psychologists office by a well- meaning, burly, 6 foot 2 nurse with a hypodermic. I was hospitalised a lot and regulated.

Man, I am glad I did not end up in jail. Came very close. One more strike and your out!

Rage is my greatest nemesis and even though I am suspicious of it and inherently terrified of being angry, we are closer than ever before and we can sit in the same room as each other without too much anxiety(a long as we are not touching!). But therapy (CBT) and bucketloads of meds was the only way I could come through it. My poor psychologist whom I'm sure feared for her life on a few occasions stuck with me for 6 years.

I am not proud of what I have done but I try not to live with regret. At least I did not kill anybody. But that rage had to go somewhere and I took a lot of drugs, drank a lot of alcohol and perpetuated physical self harm. Classic Borderline. You do learn how to make it feel better but it takes a while. Not all Borderlines experience such intense rage like mine but I intimately and somewhat fondly, know anger.

[ziggy1]

I agree with ya "can'tstopcrying" writing STOP may sound silly, but it works! My "T" has a similar method which is imagining the word "Cancel"
in your mind with a giant X next to it.

She refers to them as "ANTS" or Automatic negative thoughts syndrome.

Its along the same line but it works when you continue to practice it and
integrate it into your thinking. Preventing the anger, self-loathing, and generally "Beating the lettuce out of ya"............LOL...!!!

[skymonk]

I get really angry too. And I'm bitter I'm told. If you'd been through what I've been through you'd be bitter too. have you tried cognitive or ACT therapy with your t? There are a lot of books out there about those types of therapy that may be helpful.
I was fine until last year 2008. I changed my meds&discovered just how badly I had&was being treated. Everyone liked meek little mousy me&couldn't handle angry raging me. It's slowly getting better with my t's help&meds. Don't give up hope&please don't actually physically hurt yourself. We all beat up ourselves the most. Have you ever discussed the possibility of PTSD with your t? That's where my rage has come from-I've remembered a lot of bad crap from the past&it's really made me mad. Don't let anyone tell you you have no right to feel angry-it's how you feel&too bad if someone else doesn't like it. It hurts!
The therapy advice of saying STOP! to yourself really does work. If I catch myself being a butthead, I say STOP! to myself&apologize to anyone who may have been in my path. Then I try to figure out what made me so mad. With PTSD you have "triggers", things that remind you of the original trauma&you tend to lash out when you get "triggered". Ask your t about PTSD& borderline personality disorder-they both manifest a lot of anger. Hope you can get some help-

[St. John Wort]

I have a psychiatrist that perscribes me medicine but I talk to no one except my family- which is a bad choice because they all play head games with me. Which is another source of anger. There is nothing worse than being ****ed with, confronting it, and then being told that YOUR the one with a problem.