I hate those EHarmony commercials....

I know I should probably be happy for those few people who managed to meet their "soulmate" via Internet dating sites. I think I remember that there are even members here on PC who met their loving partners via the Internet. All I ever met...when I was thinking this was possible!...thru such sites, were con artists.
I won't ever be a "believer" in Internet dating sites, because of my negative experiences, but i invite others of you here to share your own experiences, successes or failures.
Patty

I have had only negative experiences on online dating sites. 90% of the men only wanted to be "special friends" with no strings attached.

The select few on the TV ads are those they feel are presentable. They won't show the hundreds of thousands of bad cases that are handled via their service. Nobody would like to advertise that. You have to think there are far more than 50% with bad experiences vs. good. They will advertise the good - to get more people. They do charge a fee so it is a for-profit organization.

It is a tide that will not turn seeker though I share your pessimism. My recollection of journals kept in the early 20th century had similar cautions about the use of the telephone...

Some of the best friends in my life have been met on this venue. There have never been any romatic expectations and most of these conections have beeen based upon a serious common interest...but the most valued commodity within such relationships is time...Time allows the display of consistency and that, for me, is the conerstone of trust.

But being that this tool of ours that I type upon now will certainly only intrude deeper upon our lives as time marches on, again the responsibility for safe and prudent habits fall to parents and their teaching. We have to pay attention all the time IRL and here if we wish to limit our exposure in becoming a victim. But I guess one generality might be safe here in saying that a jerk is a jerk whether typing, talking or touching our hand...

IMHO...

Lenny

Seeker/fellow "Dracula" fan (LOL)

Here's my two cents on Internet dating, EHarmony or otherwise.

I agree with all of the posters. But I did meet my guy on www.match.com. I hear they've recently started another site for people new to online dating, called I think, www.downtoearth.com.

Anyway, I've heard a lot of horror stories, but some success stories too. My advice would be to take it with a grain of salt, not take it too seriously, but don't be too cynical either. I know that is hard, but there are sincere men on there, as well as women, but they are harder to find, just like IRL.

You don't have to be online to meet jerks or weirdoes. I've met plenty of jerks without any help from the Internet, and guys can be "not what they seem" in person as well as online.

When I joined Match, I did hear from a few weirdoes, a lot of much older men, and a couple of guys that seemed okay but they just stopped writing. The attention span of people is really short, just like on this site and others. My guy was the only one who seemed sincere, and we had/have a lot in common. That's what did it, I think. We had a great friendship/correspondence before we even met, and a good friendship is the good base for a romantic relationship, I think.

I heard that EHarmony chooses the matches for you, whereas Match will let you do searches on your own. The commercials DO make it look like everyone will end up like that, but all commercials (regardless of what they are advertising) show only the good...not the bad and the ugly. LOL

Actually, my guy tried to join EHarmony before Match, but they rejected him based on his answers to their VERY lengthy questionnaire. But some of the choices in the multiple choice format did not apply to him, but he could not say "None of the above". You had to pick something. I guess it's a good thing that EHarmony did not work for him, cause I would not have met him then.

I joined Match not expecting it to go anywhere, and I initially picked it because it was free whereas, at that time, EHarmony was charging for the profile posting. I liked the idea of mapping out my "criteria", and it was the first time ever that I tried online dating.

It has its advantages...I mean can you just walk up to someone you find attractive and strike up a conversation? I can't, but starting with e-mails can be a lot easier...and revealing.

Good luck with whatever you do...online or traditional.

I had the phone dating experience years ago which was the worst way to meet singles. Believe me, it totally sucked... I get a lot of these pathetic losers on my voice mail, so I gave that up. What I hate most about online dating is that they tell you it's free but later on charge you membership fee. THAT totally sucks... And still you wind up with pathetic losers..

Well, as I may have mentioned, I tried (and now no longer interested) in meeting someone online for dating. I think the key really IS to be discerning. And not afraid to say "NO!," you're a nice person but not right for me.
I would be so much further ahead, emotionally and financially, if I had not ventured into the Internet dating scene. One red flag that I ignored, at the time I was doing this, was my inner gut instinct to take more time in correspondence with prospective dating partners. I wanted to write more and exchange thoughts, while they pressured for face to face meetings before I was comfortable or confident. After such meetings, though I felt trepidation, I continued seeing them mainly for fear of hurting their feelings. I wasted a lot of time and energy with these people, not to mention being sucked into long-term relationships that were actually harmful.
In retrospect, I think the key to this Internet dating thing really IS discernment, even at the cost of hurting someone's feelings, and saying, "No thanks." It's actually a kind of ruthless means of meeting people, and I lacked that ability. Because of my own experiences, I liken it to throwing a hook into the ocean and pulling out who knows what!
Patty

I met my husband on an internet dating site - but before that I met a lot of loosers. They are like any other place to meet people. They advertise the few cases where a good match is made but not the hundreds of frustrated people still waiting. Kind of like the weight loss commercials where the fine print says "results not typical". You can get the same results from bars, letting friends match you up, or finding someone at work. In the end, we all want our soulmate handed to us and get upset that there are 6,000,000,000 people in the world and only maybe 10 we are really compatable with for a marriage type commitment. That probably doesn't make you feel any better, but reality isn't always fair, easy or comfortable.

Ain't that the truth, that's why I'm always so depressed.

Well, I joined one about 4 years ago, sent messages to about 10 girls, heard back from 3 of them, went out with 2 of those, and the later I've been dating for the last 3 1/2 years.

She turned out to be far cooler than anyone in my "real" life social network, by far. I was only on the site for about 2 weeks. Best $10 I ever spent.

Believe it or not, Deep Blue, I feel your pain, really. I do agree it's sick when people go too far with the PDA...But remember this (I've found this helpful): "Things may not be what they seem."

That may sound cliched, but those "happy" couples may not be that happy...as you know nothing about them or what challenges they have. Recite that repeatedly in your brain, and it could help.

Well, my good friend met her husband of 3 years now (2nd husband after a divorce & she was 40 with 3 kids) on e-harmony & they are doing great & they DID do a commercial with them...

But another friend who had been divorced twice met a bunch of guys (she was in her 30's w/3 kids & had been in 2 abusive marriages--don't know if that means anything) & dated them & got involved (& I mean sexually--which surprised me that she would jump into that so soon--like 6 weeks after meeting the guys with 3 kids & the dads are not involved at all so she is totally responsible; but I am a totally old lady by this time!! Married 34 yrs. & 54 yrs. old & married to my high school sweet heart...I know...start playing the violins or something...we've got our stuff, believe me!!)--ANYWAY--she met them on match.com. She hung onto one guy for about 1 1/2 yrs. & it was a tumultuous relationship; she would break it off & then go back, etc. Showing up for work crying--bad stuff.

Finally, she broke it off for good. Cried for a week & then signed up on a dating site like "morefishesinthesea" or something like that. And within a week she is dating 6 guys--glowing--lost 20 lbs.--OK I'm jealous & want to borrow the guy just for that--but then she narrows it down & after about 8 weeks she is ENGAGED & is getting married in April.

She has not totally explained what he does for a living--which was a problem with the last husband. In like he doesn't hold a job.

I can't say anything. It's "true love." They go to church...

They probably lead a more sedate lifestyle than we do (except for the SEX!!)--no drinking, no going out to dinner--staying home for family dinners--I don't know--folding laundry together.

Worried for her, though.

I tried them a ways back. All that wanted to hook up lived over 1000 miles away. Chemistry is the only one that runs a check to see if people are married.

married people have their own site now ashleymadisondotcom..ha...unreal and these people put their pictures on there.

Since my initial post which started this thread, I actually wrote one long reply here and then deleted it. Too much history!
Actually, my response to the commercials for Eharmony is on a very gut level. I don't see the people on the commercials as likable people, much less as attractive couples to which others would want to aspire for their own search for relationships.

Perhaps I've become too cynical.
Patty

I am trying out Eharmony and 2 other Internet dating sites. I have only connected with one man and he turned out to have no social skills.

I will report and give updates.

I've had no luck on any of the online dating sites at all. I've taken my profile off of all of them, at least 4 or 5 different sites. Talk about frustration. All the men I've spoken to, either they didn't drive, and lived an hour and a half away, lived with their parents, or are just lonely, and it's a one time meeting, then they vanish. I know all too well how those sites are. I'm glad I never paid for a membership. I'm starting from scratch again, and trying to meet someone one day in the "real world". That's just what I choose to do, it just didn't work for me at all. I guess it finally got to the point of me saying, "enough is enough" of this mess. I guess online dating is not for everyone, as a friend told me, he's right.

Deborah

Deborah...You are speaking for me and my experiences as well on the Internet dating sites.
Okay, so the one man I met on Eharmony was a long distance trucker, age 60. He had three young adolescent children. He insisted on calling me while on his long haul trucking nights and keeping me on the phone. I agreed to meet him and even visited his residence in KY, which was at least an 8 hour drive from me. He lived in an old doublewide trailer on his father's property, and when I entered the residence, I felt suffocated. It was so dirty and cluttered, I had a hard time feeling comfortable enough to find a clean seat! He was also a "psychic" and had worked on the Psychic Hotline (that used to advertise on TV), yet he was very abrasive and cruel to waitresses when we went to dinner. He was pretty obvious in his intention to find someone to add to his income, run errands and take care of his three kids. Needless to say, that ended soon on my part, and my impression of Eharmony is that they just "matched" me with him because of our geographical proximity and our ages. Happily, I had no after-effects from ending that one!
In thinking about these sites like Eharmony, which purport themselves as matching thru valid psychological surveys, I'm a bit cynical. Maybe it's more a matter of youth and age and what's really out there. For me, at my age, the pickings are pretty slim to none!
Patty

I got a subscription to Eharmony! What an eye opener! The men were totally ugly...one even looked like a drug dealer or should belong to a motor cycle gang.

And on another site I chatted with this guy that gave me his life story and came across as a loner with no future what so ever. The conversation was totally one sided...he only wanted to talk about himself.

I'll keep you posted....

LOL, Zen...those fellas who only want to talk about themselves. I know!
You would think they would at least fake a two way communication, asking about you and your life, wouldn't you!
Patty

seeker, are you still making your dog sit outside in an igloo!

Zen...LOL!
Yes, I'm having a fence built to keep him contained, and hoping the workman will get it done this week so I can keep Fozzie contained.
Patty

Yeahh I hate those sites so muchh!! Remember.. if you ever meet someone off of the net talk to them on webcam BEFORE you actually meet up with them because I have learned that most of the guys use fake pictures... I had a really bad experience because of that... thought this guy I met was going to kill me... It's so dangerous.

v214k...Well...yes, the webcam could give some idea of their actual age and appearance. I met one fella who had used a much younger photo of himself, and lied about his age. We met for dinner, during which time he actually cried over his surf and turf dinner about his girlfriend who had abandoned their relationship. I said a polite goodnight to him at his car. That evening he began sending me threatening emails, like saying he was cutting up a dead body in his bathtub! He also made it very clear that he was angry that I didn't invite him to my home for sex! Needless to say, that was the only meeting I had with this nut. I should also add...this fella was nearly illiterate. At the time, I dismissed his inability to write a complete sentence or use punctuation. What was I thinking!
Patty

IMHO, no matter how you go about choosing dates, a big dose of caution is warranted with any strangers you decide to date. This goes especially for the ladies out there, but men too. Make sure your friends and/or family always know when and where you go with them, and naturally keep your cellphone on and with you. Mace and pepperspray are good to carry too.

Whenever I see an E-Harmony.com commercial, I often wonder how many of them are still together now. I figure it's similar to the divorce ratio that we have here in the US though. Internet dating is a pretty new phenomena, so I'm not surprised that people doubt the effectiveness at it, especially the E-Harmony "match" way.

The E-Harmony site uses some sort of questionnaire matching tool which I wouldn't trust at all. The chance that it would be inaccurate is far too high I would think. How do they know who would be a good match for who? I don't think they CAN know. I wouldn't trust them to the task of deciding who is or is not right to match me with based on whatever formula they use.

I've never done it myself, and I honestly don't think I would ever use the Internet to date. I'm sure it can and does work for some lucky couples, but I suppose no matter what way you look at it, internet dating is here to stay.