[marjan]

I'm so tired of myself....why can't I stay strong? why can't I stay on my words?
I was totally done with him last week and I felt so great....I knew that I don't want a guy who is constantly going clubing into my life....I knew that he won't make me happy by not giving me enough attention...I knew it...then I went to the class and I saw him and again started...He asked me to go to his place and I went....I feel he has such a control on me and I don't like it....Yes...I do want him too....but I want a normal relationship...He used to call me everyday, but since we got into fight, he doesn't call at all....we were back and forth for three times within four months...that's too much....and I admit that twice breaking up was from me....I wanted to end it up...I couldn't get what I was feeling I need....
I've never been in a decent relationship....just last year and that just lasted couple of months, I moved....
What is wrong with me? everybody tells me that you deserve more...you got to find that special person....but who is special really? how can we find that person to have both chemistry and friendship....I can't find these two attribute in the same person....I always have either of it...
I'm on my tears again....I emailed him and of course I knew that he won't answer me back! now...he just either text message me without any call....I'm so tired of the whole situation and him going clubing this much....It's really insane! The past week, he went dancing every single day of the night....then Friday night, I was going out with my friend and he didn't want to go with me....He went dancing again....OMG...that's insane...I keep saying that but again I go out with him....I'm getting crazy, not sure how to end it up....I was considering myself as a strong girl, but why I'm like this....
Those who has read my forums before know that how much I'm struggling with this guy...back and forth....I used to be strong and kick guys out from my life once I was finding them not the right person....but I'm getting too envolved with this guy....he's in my facebook (which I can't removed him due to have common friends....or probably, I don't want to remove him)...he's on my gmail....he's in the dance class...and he goes to places that I like....If I don't see him at all, then little by little I will be over and I will forget all about him....
I can't replace him with somebody else right away....that's really difficult for me....
Thursday, he was telling me that he cares about me....and he said probably we need a year to get to know each other....I can't blame him for everything....I'm not that great in the relationship either.....I get jealous and possesive.....
I have my own friends and my own hobbies, but it looks like still it's not enough to get over him....I'm not in love with him at all....I know it and I feel it very well....not sure, how to get along with my life and not think about him and go for dating....well...I barely see knew guys in my life to date even....
I'm getting worry about myself....I'm afraid my brain goes wrong really....I'm so afraid....everybody tells me to get a hobby or do this or that....I'm new here in this city....It's been a year that I moved here...not sure why I put myself in trouble with him....I can't really get connected with his dancing life...dancing is my hobby too, but not like this at all!!!
Please pray for me to get rid of all these thoughts....
thanks
M.

[Vlo1980]

Maybe you haven't been in a decent relationship because you're looking in the wrong places. You are most certainly not going to find a decent guy in a bar or a club, that's for sure. I think that the safest thing to do is to go to a website for people who are looking for commitment as well - for serious relationships - and keep dating until you find the right person, or maybe even at church since that is a great place to find decent men with morals. Myspace and Facebook aren't good places to look either because they are filled with posers basically, so be careful.

I wish you luck and I hope you realize that you deserve better than that.