[myoasis89]

there is this guy who has been pursuing me for about 5 months...we've known each other five months...we got along really well and he's always been interested in me...he's mexican...not until about 2 months ago, I feel for him...he said he wanted me to be his gf...I said I'm not sure yet because he's going back to mexico for a month and he wants to come back to Canada...I told him that if he comes back to Canada and is able to find a job...we can have a relationship...he was ecstatic and said he would definately do this. The only problem is I ahve a problem with his drinking. He's e 21...he likes partying...he's a musician and wants to be a sound technician...he has his own gigs and of course likes to go out drinking...me on the other hand...I'm very conservative...not a big drinker...but if I go partying...i can udnerstand why you would drink at your gigs...and I'm fine with that...but he also drinks by himself....I told him that if we are together...I will not be with him if he drinks by himself with me...I told him I don't like him drinking by himself and it's a sign that he's an alcoholic....he got upset and said that I shouldn't be upset with this....he had bought a bottle of vodka....I took it and held it away from him...I said...it's either me or the bottle....he said don't make it like that...just give me the bottle....I held it away from him...and I said...no this is how it's going to work...I siad I'll leave if you take this from me...I don't want to be around you if you're drinking alone...I feel uncomfortable...finally...after 20 minutes...he said...give me the bottle...i said fine...I'm leaving...he said ok...then i said I'm not your gf and never will be...and left him alone

was this a good call...was I being horrible to him??

[Pomegranate]

I think your concerns about his drinking are valid. But I think you may have acted too hastily in giving him an ultimatum, if you really feel there may be a relationship here that you want to pursue. Now, if you feel very strongly and have your mind made up that the way he drinks is a non starter for you in a relationship with ANYONE, then of course you should respect your feelings and values and look for someone who shares that with you.

You are both young. Depending on how one is brought up, the culture one is born into, etc., how much one drinks, especially in the late teens and early twenties may or may not be indicative of a problem.

Is his drinking causing problems in his life? Does he have frequent hangovers that cause him to miss work or other important obligations? Does he drink and drive or do other dangerous behavior while drinking that could hurt himself and/or other innocent people? These are just some things to look at and think about if you have not already decided that the way he drinks is a nonstarter, for you, in a relationship.

[madisgram]

i think you were brave and correct to call him on the drinking because you knew you had conflict with it.. from your description he may have a problem with alcohol. i can't say. each of us tho has the right to protect ourselves from things we perceive as possibly harmful to ourselves. so from that standpoint i think you did a good thing for yourself. you also planted a "seed" of thought for him that may down the road give him pause about his drinking. that also is a good thing. he may never acknowledge the "seed" of thought ...but he might.
the only thing i might have done differently is i might have just stated, "i feel you may have a problem with alcohol. only you can decide if you do or don't but i choose to not be around you because you seem to put too much value in the alcohol. feel free to call me later if you decide to take a hard look at your drinking habits and put down the drink."
so hope this helps and that you're ok with what you did do cause it took courage to state your boundaries.