does he love me

I need to be reassured all the time that I am loved...I'm sometimes I'm scared that my bf doesn't love me and is only with me because it is convenient. My bf is a reserved person and isn't the type to say I love you. We see each other once a week. I see him and then sleep over and then he drops me off at my house in the late afternoon the next day. He lives about 45 minutes away from me. Sometimes I complain about how we don't see each other enough...but then he reassures me and says well how can we see each other when we are both so busy and live far apart. Yesterday was my birthday and he buys me things that are really thoughtful and expensive...this I guess indicates that i am special to him...but how special??...He says he always enjoys our time together and doesn't get bored....he chooses places to go that I want to go to. In the morning he always brings me breakfast and pampers me when I'm at his house. He treats me nicely and we talk everyday on the phone....It's been a year that we've been together....what does this mean to guys???...should I as him where this relationship is going...I feel it's too soon to be discussing this....heelllp...I really like him...but I'm afraid of tieing him down and making feel that he has to make a commitment to me

When we do not get the emotional bonding we so desire from our parents or main care giver as a child we are often left with the fear of not being loved by others when we become adults.... I have found that it helps if I look at how the person I am needing to see love from shows his/her love and then I look for these acts when they are displayed.

Hi!

You have been together for a year, in my opinion that's not too soon at all! If you have doubts and insecurities about your relationship, don't be afraid to bring it up because your boyfriend will never be able to work things out with you unless he knows what is going on. There's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings, in fact that's the only way to make a relationship work so ask him!

People show love other ways, without saying it His actions, to me, show love! My boyfriend did not say he loved until 3 years in- it may just take time...you could venture an "I think I love you......" and see what the response is, that way no pressure, you are not forcing him to do anything. One day my boyfriend out of the blue said he loved me too!!!

It does sound like he might have real, honest feelings for you. But that after a year he only is willing to to spend time with you once a week in the same limited time frame strikes me as a bit "off." It sounds, I'm sorry, like a weekly one night stand. He makes up for it with nice presents and making you breakfast. But not with his time, the most important thing one person can give to another.

I wouldn't worry so much about the words, but the actions. I would be pushing for more time with him, especially after the length of time you have been involved with him. One night once a week is like a sleep over. Breakfast and exspensive gifts are nice, but they don't say "love" like spending time with a person does.

But really you have to decide for yourself what you are happy with, what love is for you and what kind of relationship you want. How long are you willing to keep your relationship at this level? It sounds like you might be feeling the need for more time with him. Like you want to be a more present and real part of his life. And imo, that seems natural given the length of time you've been seeing each other.

Ask him for what you need from him, tell how you feel in a loving, nonthreatening way. Then see how he responds. That should give you some insight and help you find some answers.

I agree with Pomagranate,
If someone really cares for you, they would do what they had to to spend that extra time with you. It's ok for you to express your feelings to him and realize that what you are feeling or wanting maybe not be what he is wanting.
As pomagranate said, you need to think long and hard about what you are wanting and expecting because you could be in the same spot with this guy 5 years down the road and be missing out on the opportunity of meeting someone who would want to spend lots of time with you.
Just some thougths...

I just get so confused...He does a lot for me...and he seems like a lonely guy. He has very few friends and all he does is study. I'm the only one he hangs out with each week. He's studying to become a doctor. I feel like he needs to open up to me and tell me his feelings...I think he started opening up but I scared him I think...I ahve no clue...I'm so lost

I talked to him about it a little bit. I said...do you love me are you happy with me...we've been dating a year now. He said..."do you think I'm stupid enough to stay in a relationship i don't like of course I care a lot about you." My phone kept dieing out and he kept trying to phone me back. finally I got through to him...I feel like I'm making the situation worse for no reason...but I just feel like we are not close enough...he should be my best friend...he said that since my family was never there for me...that he wold be there for me...why are guys so complicated to understand???

Again, you have to think about what YOU need and what is good for you. If he does truly care for you and love you he will work with you on some kind of compromise.

You are not his therapist. You are are his girlfriend/lover. You should be treated that way and expect to be treated that way. If he has problems communicating or getting along with people, has trouble maintaining relationships, then he needs to do work on that, get professional help, what ever. It's not your job, nor can you do this for him. He needs to want to change and realize he needs help.

If you want to TRY waiting until he is more capable of communicating and working on his part in a relationship, that's your decision. But you should be aware that what you want and expect from him may never happen. Go with your gut instinct - and that may change over time. Do what you need to do take care of YOU. If you aren't getting what you need, you will eventually get burnt out and not be able to continue to keep giving him what he needs. Your needs are as important as his. Both your needs need to be communicated to each other and a compromise worked out. If he is not able or willing to do this, that is a bad sign.

Try communicating with him. Maybe read some self help books about relationships and communication techniques before you do. Let him know your deepest feelings and needs. His response will be an indication to you of where your relationship stands. If you want to spend months or years being understanding to him, acting as his therapist, without getting anything in return, that is your right to do so. But do that with your eyes wide open. Know that you may "work on" this guy and nothing may ever change.

Or things may change very quickly when you are open and honest about your needs and feelings. Either way, you have nothing to lose and much to gain by being honest.

I think i have issues with figuring out what my needs are. I think a lot of my emotional needs were looked over when i was a child and it was ok to look over my needs according to my parents....I never know when it's wrong to take a stand and when

I'm also scared to leave the relationship because I might be wrong about my feelings and he may have loved me and that I loved him. and my parents are for the relationship because he would be able to support me

I am sorry you are in such a hard spot right now. But in the end the decision has to be yours. I just broke up with a wonderful guy. He made 6 figures a year, was very smart, very loving ect. He loved being with me and he was really good to me.

Here is the thing, I did not feel the same way about him as he did about me. People were all for my relationship with him because he was such a good guy and could support a family very easily if he had one. But those are just some of the good things you want in a relationship; however, those are not good enough reasons to stay with someone. To settle for less than what YOU really want and NEED.

I decided to break it off with him, I know it was really hard for him to hear, but in the end it sets him free for someone who will really love him for who he is and will be as into him as he will be with her.

In relationships there has to be give and take by both, there has to be compromise as well. From what I hear you saying, that is not happening with the guy you are with. You say he doesn't have friends, there may be a reason for that, one that you want to know about, but only spending one day a week with him and not seeing how he reacts around others does not help with that.

The fact that he is studying to be a doctor does not exempt him from having issues that he may need to deal with on his own. That is not your job, as you can in no way change him. Again you need to think about what you need in this relationship as well, it should not be ALL about him and what he needs. You are just as important as he is.

Please don't ever allow other people to talk you into a sticking to this relationship because of what he has to offer you financially, because all of that means nothing if he is not, or cannot be there for you.

I read your post and feel so bad for you . I have been there and STILL AM for far too long. One thing that comes to mind is , Love shouldn't be so complicated & If you love someone you compromize ( not sure on the spelling) and sacrifice or whatever it takes to make eachother happy. I am alot like you and want more out of life than once a week ...I have been living with my b/f now for 2 yrs and still feel lonely because he doesnt talk much ...I guess you need to ask yourself if you want to put everything you have into something that is only going to be part time ? and for how long will it be that way? If you talk to him about it and don't get the feeling he really understands what your needs are then you have your answers..I understand that love is very powerful and can make you accept situations that might not make you truly happy ..But , don't settle for less than you diserve...good luck & I hope you find your happiness

Thanks everyone for their responces. I had a more in depth talk with my bf and we are going to talk more with each other when we see each other. My bf takes his studies very seriously and treats it like a full time job. He says it won't be like this forever...once he graduates he won't be studying. He doesn't see friends because he doesn't have time and the only friend he has is his work buddy. I love everything about my bf, the way he makes me feel laugh spends time with me...I don't think I could give him up...I want to be there for him...it's not easy dedicating your life and sacrificing certain things for a job...I make him happy which makes me happy...I guess all I wanted to know was that I made him happy...and he told me this...

Hi Myoasis

Just out of curiosity, but how old is your BF? If your boyfriend is the same age as you (i.e. 20) I wouldn't be expecting so much from him at this point as his #1 priority is getting his education!!

I am not saying that you don't matter, but if he is a fulltime college student studying to be a medical doctor.... his focus, time, and energy should primarily be on his studies. After all, education is expensive and studying to be a medical doctor is very, very difficult!!

Also... at your age (20) you should be looking to have fun-- not worrying so much about having a big time serious relationship with someone.

There will be plenty of time for all that, my dear.

In the meantime, have fun, hang out with your friends when you are not seeing him, and enjoy life.

After all, you're only young once! So chill out, hon and kick up your heels!!

BTW...Are you in college too?

I do hope you are, as education is the key to getting a good, well paying job in today's world.

It is especially important for us women, because "Mr. Knight In Shining Armor" may not come around (or even stay around) to provide for us financially.

All the best,

Peppermint Patty

Just a thought, I am a nursing student and my schedule is crazy, having to study, doing hospital clinicals ect. But I still find time to be with people, it keeps me sane. It's not healthy that your bf isolates himself. I work for a doctor, and he made time for friends all through his schooling and still graduated with very high grades.

Men don't typically change. I realize he is in a busy program but that doesn't cause someone to isolate themselves, sounds like there may be more going on than you think. One day a week is definately not healthy.

As someone else had said; you are young, there is no need to be worrying about so much about marriage ect. First you need to find out who you are and what you want and need. You can learn alot about what you want and need in a man through dating different guys. Your young, enjoy your life, you still have alot of living to do

Well to be honest, both of us seem like isolaters...I'm a introvert...I like being by myself a lot...I think he is the same way. I will go out with friends for fun...but I easily get tired from it and need to recouperate on my own...I really care for him...and we actually had a discussion...he said he had no problem with me going out to clubs with friends and he asked if I wanted to date other people if I felt unhappy. He said my happiness was important to him...and if I wasn't happy then he would try to change things the best he could...He said that the only thing he does is study and see me...I don't think this is healthy...but I can see why he does this...he is trying to become independent so he doesn't ahve to rely upons his parents...he is going to be 25...and he's just applying for med school...he told me he is not looking for marriage right away...but he sees me as someone special in his life...(he said he doesn't say that to just anyone and I trust him because he is a trustworthy person)...He said he wants to me 7 days a week...but it's just not possible for him...he said I could see him three times a week for a couple of hours each day...but I prefered the sleep over and spending the whole day together