[myoasis89]

There was this teacher in my highschool who i had a crush on. I was ashamed of it and I would get highly nervous around him and become really shy, and he took as though i didn't like him as a person or something. One day I wrote him an email because I was upset...I don't know why I did I was really depressed and I had no one to go to...I felt like committing suicide. I was going through changes that I didn't understand I guess...He called me to his classroom to tlak to me about it...I didn't relaly know what to say...and I still don't understand it...I was really confused and in pain all the time...my parents wouldn't listen to me when I said I was in pain...I had no close friends...I had no one to support me...and I didn't even know what I wanted for my life....I was embarrassed that I had to write him because we weren't really that close but I felt safe and I also needed to express that he made me feel awkward...I wanted something better for myself and I felt my parents didn't know how to encourage me...I felt they hardly knew me...I was intelligent and i wanted to do things and make friends...but I had no where to start or anyone to help me along...I was in his biology class after I wrote that email...for the rest of the year I would ignore him or tell him that I was uncomfortable...one day he just told me..."you're a manipulative little redhead"...his tone wasn't angry but I could tell he was upset with me....he also said some suggestive things like i said he was mean sometimes (he sometimmes seemed offensive) and he said that he would be "gentle"...at the time i didn't realise the sexual connotations...but now I realise what he said. He also discussed the reproductive system in class and afterwards stared at me when the class ended...as though he wanted to embarrass me because he was talking about sex....I'm catholic and he said out to the class that catholics were stupid and had problems with sex....I guess he thought I had problems with his sex jokes and he made those comments. He took pictures of me at grad with me and my friends and put them up at grad....I've talked about this subject on Psych Central I guess because I'm trying to get closure with this...just yesterday...a teacher from my highschool invited me on facebook...I looked up to her and she was a great influence on me...and now it's bugging me because I'm not sure if she has connections with him and whether or not he's trying to get information about me...i know it's being paranoid to think that....but I can't get him out of my head...I left highschool without saying goodbye to any of the teachers....I got invited to the end of the year awards night in grade twelve and won my first award....that was the last time I saw them....my mom went into to pick up the money I won and they asked how i was doing....I have no clue what's wrong with me...I guess I always thought I was a normal kid with minimal family problems...but I've always been in pain...I don't know what these teachers want from me...I don't know what I want from them whether it's to have validation that I am intelligent or that they cared about me...I really have no clue

[Rhapsody]

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[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

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thanks rhapsody, I guess not many have experienced this before...it still confuses me today as to what happened. I don't know what was wrong with me...I think i was oging to ahve a panick attack,,,my parents always kept me at home...I felt isolated...my parents didn't like my friends wouldn't let me dress the way i wanted to...continuously hurt me...i felt trapped...i needed out or somewhere to vent...I had no other relatives to go to...this event still haunts me to this day