[StuckAndConfused]

Hello,

I often wondered if it's possible to get over transference. I've seen many posts asking the same thing. I've posted in the past about my transference for my couples T. She saw me individually to help me with my confidence and self esteem. She supported me, believed in me and was a friend because I needed one. Naturally, I developed feelings for her. I sought out a new T to help me understand these feelings. He helped me to understand. A little over a month ago, I told my couples T. SHe was very understanding. But at the end of the session she said I could no longer see her individually. This really hurt and I'm still saddened.

But because of her help, my marriage is improving. 3 days ago I found myself missing my couples T. Through concentration and will power, I was able to transfer that energy to my wife. I texted her that I missed her. I thought about my wife all day. I was so excited to see her when I got home. And she was very receptive.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get that trick to work today but that doesn't mean I'm giving up.

My ex-T helped through a difficult time. I can no more forget her or put her behind me than a best friend who passes away. My feelings for her helped me to believe in myself and are still helping me today and probably always will. So, will I ever get past the transference? I don't know that I want to. I don't want to forget about somebody who helped me so much.

Hopefully, tomorrow I will take another positive step.

SAC

[dizgirl2011]

Hey,

I think your couples therapist was wrong to automatically end individual sessions with you when you explained to her how you felt because you certainly arent the first client to feel these things and won't be the last. My guess is that as a couples therapist she may have worried that by continuing to see you on your own, your feelings may increase about her, instead of sorting things out with your wife and in this way the therapy would be counterproductive. Although I still thing she could have perhaps handled things better and in a more sensitive way.

I have lost therapists that I have had strong transference with, it usually hurts quite a lot at the begining and you will get times you miss them but like a grief, it does get easier to cope with the feelings over time.

xxx

[StuckAndConfused]

Originally Posted by dizgirl2011

My guess is that as a couples therapist she may have worried that by continuing to see you on your own, your feelings may increase about her, instead of sorting things out with your wife and in this way the therapy would be counterproductive. Although I still thing she could have perhaps handled things better and in a more sensitive way.

Hi Diz,

Your guess is right. She told me pretty much what you said. I just didn't go into great depth because I posted that a while back and didn't want to get into it. She actually was very sensitive. It wasn't until a week later when I saw her that she told me we need to end sessions.

But thank you for listening. It's nice to be heard.

SAC

[swimmergirl]

(((((((((SAC))))))))

I am starting the process of ending therapy with my T who I have huge transference issues with. If you want to follow the story, it's under 3 weeks left on the Psychotherapy board. My therapy is not ending because of the transference..........it's because he is leaving and I will probably be seeing someone new. My transference issues are over my dad, my T is a guy, but it manifested itself romantically for some reason. I finally just accepted my feelings. I have told my T and we are working in the why, but are ending the process way before I am ready. I am terrified to start work with another T for fear the same thing will happen.
I remember when you said your new T said your were grieving for the loss of your old T. That is how I feel. I think it is good that you are transferring your feelings onto your wife. With my dad, it's about what I need/want but that he is unable to give me. And so I have to find a way to give that to myself, and I'm not there yet.
Anyway, you are not alone. I hope you are able to work through this.