[Dreamy01]

This is really freaking me out. I see a T who is a lot older than me, also female, and I don't find her physcially attactive although she is a lovely person. Anyway, sometimes she will hold my hand when I'm distressed. I've noticed that in the last few weeks I've become almost aroused by being close to her and having that skin contact. I'm not gay as I've had relationships with men in the past and my sex life has always been okay. I haven't been with a men for some time but not sure this is the reason...

Has anyone else felt aroused by contact with their T? I wasn;t SA in the 'usual' sense although my T feels that what happened to me was sexually abusive. I'm not sure if this is why I feel turned on by the contact. T wants us to look at what is going on but I haven't told her I feel aroused. I'm scared that she might have noticed, somehow.

Has anyone else felt like this or even been able to tell their T?

[rainbow8]

Yes, it's happened to others, as you'll find out when you get more responses. I'm also a woman, not gay, and I've felt that way with my T sometimes, though not when I hold her hand.

I've been very open with my T about my feelings for her, sexual and otherwise because she accepts me and makes me feel comfortable telling her anything at all.

I've felt like that with other Ts too and they told me that it's about basic needs, and they get sexualized. It doesn't mean that I want to have sex with my T. I don't!! The feelings just get mixed up--all the good feelings.

My T does EMDR and once she tried tapping on my knees. That time I think it was a pure sexual response, so we didn't do EMDR that way anymore, after I told her.

Your T should be okay with your telling her. It can lead to important work on your issues.

Good luck!!

[CantExplain]

I've got aroused with my T. I've told her so.
I'm a man and she's a woman, so that makes it simpler. (Maybe!)

[Dreamy01]

Thank you both, good to hear others have felt the same!

I don't know if I can tell my T as I feel so embarrassed about the whole thing. It would be horribly upsetting to admit. Perhaps later on it's possible I could admit it especially as my trust in her has grown to a good level now. As I said, I do wonder if she suspects it somehow. She wants us to talk about the underlying feelings behind me needing contact because it has come to light that it's not simply a matter of wanting the hand holding occasionally, there's a lot more going on (as there usually is!). Given my background it's possible she knows there's something sexual going on but I don't want to tell her openly yet.

Thanks again for the reassurance. Has anyone else experienced it?

[shipping]

Everyone is giving you wonderful advice (except for cant explain--why would being a man and a woman make it easier????) I'm mostly teasing, man. I think your T must be sensing that there is "a lot more going on"---otherwise, why would she say that? A good T will ask you to think inwardly: what do I need , maybe sexual maybe not, that I am only getting from my physical contact with T? A BAD T would say "Let's get a motel!" You don't have to tell her openly yet. If/when she asks again, say "yes, there is something else going on, something strong and important, but I'm not ready to talk about it openly yet." Hopefully, she will give a you a bit more time to think about how to say what you eventually do feel comfortable saying. Just fyi: I first told my T through giving her my journal entries to read--at times, they are--not to beat around the bush--love letters. I followed up by asking if anything in my journal concerned her in a negative way or freaked her out, etc. And , in case it matters, I am bisexual and in an open marriage, and I told T on day one. People are telling you that it relates to childhood, love, etc. That IS ALL TRUE. But in my case, it is all of that.....and it is just plain I'm hot for her. May I PM you? I might be able to help.

[WantingtoHeal]

Oh goodness yes, this has happened to me repeatedly. I have seen many many therapists
and have felt sexual feelings for them, both female and male. I have never told any of them.
I have a new counselor and hope to come clean with her, though, so that I can move on. It
consumes me when it happens. I still don't understand the reasoning or source yet. I also honestly
don't know if I am gay, straight, or bisexual. I have not had any physical contact with this t..probably
best not to, would drive me really crazy then. I encourage u to share with ur T even though it
is scary to see what may be going on.

I wonder why it matters if we tell them? We have sexual atttractions to others in RL don't we? We don't necessarily tell them, do we? Why the need to tell our therapists? Is it really worth the agony and humiliation? I wouldn't tell anyone else in RL that I had that kind of attraction to them. Why do I need to tell my therapist I am attracted to her?

I, too, struggle with this. I hate it! It makes no sense to me at all.

[wintergirl]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I wonder why it matters if we tell them? We have sexual atttractions to others in RL don't we? We don't necessarily tell them, do we? Why the need to tell our therapists? Is it really worth the agony and humiliation? I wouldn't tell anyone else in RL that I had that kind of attraction to them. Why do I need to tell my therapist I am attracted to her?

I, too, struggle with this. I hate it! It makes no sense to me at all.

That's a good point, Squiggle - but then again, we have loads of conversations with our Ts that we wouldn't have in real life, right? It's all about processing things that are difficult for us, and if our feelings are causing a problem or distraction, then we should examine those feelings more closely in a safe environment.

I told my T about my feelings because he asked me point blank if I was feeling emotionally attached to anyone in particular. Initially, I lied, but at the next appt. I very awkwardly confessed. And really, I felt so much better after having that conversation!

[Towanda]

My T is younger than I am, male, and very cute. And yes even though I am very happily married and crazy in love with my husband, th!!ere are times looking at my T can melt my butter!! We're all only human after all

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by shipping

Everyone is giving you wonderful advice (except for cant explain--why would being a man and a woman make it easier????) I'm mostly teasing, man.

It was easier for me because:
1. There is some acceptance in our society that a man's physical arousal isn't necessarily under his conscious control.
2. It is a situation I had some experience of.
3. It was heterosexual, so that's one less taboo to worry about.

For a woman, with a woman T, who had never been aroused with a woman before, and maybe had never imagined it could happen, it would be more difficult.

[Dreamy01]

I would also find it easier to deal with if I found my T attractive but I don't - she is much older than me, she could be my mother - so it isn't a 'normal' sort of erotic transference. If I was seeing a male T who I fancied the pants off then in all honesty I would consider it quite normal to feel aroused by contact.

My concern is that I DON'T want sex with T in any way, shape or form - I don't want to kiss her or touch her intimate places. It's simply that being close to her even via our hands seems to set off an arousal response I can't explain. I see her more like a parent which is sort of why the arousal thing feels icky, but I think it goes back to my childhood.

[rainbow8]

I sent you a PM.

[critterlady]

Originally Posted by Dreamy01

I would also find it easier to deal with if I found my T attractive but I don't - she is much older than me, she could be my mother - so it isn't a 'normal' sort of erotic transference. If I was seeing a male T who I fancied the pants off then in all honesty I would consider it quite normal to feel aroused by contact.

My concern is that I DON'T want sex with T in any way, shape or form - I don't want to kiss her or touch her intimate places. It's simply that being close to her even via our hands seems to set off an arousal response I can't explain. I see her more like a parent which is sort of why the arousal thing feels icky, but I think it goes back to my childhood.

I saw a male T who was very, very attractive. Even with him, I didn't want to have any sexual kind of contact with him, although I was aroused just being with him. I just never thought of him in that way - it was more about him caring for me and being so supportive.

[Snuffleupagus]

Attraction is much more complicated than finding someone physically appealing.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using Tapatalk

[vaffla]

Oh my god, yes, definitely! I feel the same way: my T is older than me, not very attractive in particular, yet I long to touch her, be physically close to her, and have experienced sexual arousal towards her in her presence. I have lots of sexual fantasies about her, and just the thought of her having sex, having an orgasm or masturbating turns me on so very much.
Yes, I have shared it with her, and she has been grate about it! She wasn't judgmental, she hasn't distanced herself from me, she is just wonderful.

Hello Dreamy,

Here is a thread I started several months back with a similar issue: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=200489

People gave me lots of great feedback, so perhaps it will be helpful to you as well. When I talked to my T about it, she was just great--it didn't push her away at all.

Good luck!

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by eastcoaster

Hello Dreamy,

Here is a thread I started several months back with a similar issue: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=200489

People gave me lots of great feedback, so perhaps it will be helpful to you as well. When I talked to my T about it, she was just great--it didn't push her away at all.

Good luck!

Wow! Just read that thread. That was incredible. Wish we could start that conversation again or some aspects of it. There were some parts in there that really hit home.

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I wonder why it matters if we tell them? We have sexual atttractions to others in RL don't we? We don't necessarily tell them, do we? Why the need to tell our therapists? Is it really worth the agony and humiliation? I wouldn't tell anyone else in RL that I had that kind of attraction to them. Why do I need to tell my therapist I am attracted to her?

I, too, struggle with this. I hate it! It makes no sense to me at all.

For me personally, it's getting in the way of me being able to deal with anything else. I can't seem to live my life between sessions because all I'm doing is thinking about her. That's why I need to tell her. Plus, it's a pattern that keeps happening for me and I find it painful. I'm also very ashamed.

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by vaffla

Oh my god, yes, definitely! I feel the same way: my T is older than me, not very attractive in particular, yet I long to touch her, be physically close to her, and have experienced sexual arousal towards her in her presence. I have lots of sexual fantasies about her, and just the thought of her having sex, having an orgasm or masturbating turns me on so very much.
Yes, I have shared it with her, and she has been grate about it! She wasn't judgmental, she hasn't distanced herself from me, she is just wonderful.

Wow, you are so brave to share this.

[Dreamy01]

Thanks for the help everyone and the link to the other thread. I'm about to have a look now. Vaffla yes you are brave to admit your feelings to t. I'm not sure I could be that honest. I'm the opposite in that I don't feel at all turned on by the thought of T having sex (in fact, in my fantasy she absolutely doesn't do those things!).