[WantingtoHeal]

I finally emailed my T and told her how I felt about her!!!! I didn't go into great detail about the extent of my feelings, but I told her I had strong feelings and that it was a problem that needed to be discussed. Since she doesn't appear to check email often, I then called her voicemail around midnight last night and told her that I left her email. Oh, I hope that's not creepy. I asked her to please respond in some way so that I know she's not freaked out. As of now, no response.

I'm not sorry that I did it. I'm relieved. Finally, it's out. Her response is critical to me - whether I will stay with her or not. My insurance is about to be over and I will be paying out of pocket. I'm decreasing my sessions.

Any way, I need her to be accepting and positive to help me through this transference and what it means. I have no idea how she will respond. But I won't continue with someone who won't acknowledge it or deal with it with me. It's too important and I know this.

I see her next Tuesday. I'm not sure if I can show up if she doesn't respond to me in some way before then.

WTH

The one time I emailed my T, he asked me to be really specific and instruct him in my email about whether and how I wanted him to respond. Did you tell her specifically that you needed her to reply?

[WantingtoHeal]

Yes, I did. I got her response. She said,

"Not freaked out. Will process on Tuesday. Have a nice weekend."

Guess that's an okay response. Kind of short and to the point. What do you think?

I would be okay with that response. What do YOU think?

[violettagialla]

I think you did the right thing. She must be able to cope with these aspects of therapy as well. Sometimes keeping feelings inside just makes them grow until they
become unbearable and I'm saying this out of experience.
Me too, I'm trying to disclose my feelings to my T, it's so embarassing, but he is
reacting as the great person I have learnt to know. Good luck for yr Tuesday session,
let us know how it goes (me too, I will see him on tuesday).

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I would be okay with that response. What do YOU think?

Well, I'm glad she's not freaked out, so that's a definite plus. And she didn't tell me to not come back, another plus. She didn't tell me not to email, another plus.

I just wish she would have written more. I'm not sure what. I just wanted more...I guess that's what I always want, though, more of her. More words, more time. It was so short and to the point, so I feel a little like I'm not worth her time..like I'm not important enough.

I can't stand the feeling of being put in this 1 hour time frame...I feel constricted.

I hope this opens up an honesty I've not had before with anyone. I'm a little scared of how honest I'll be.

WTH

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by violettagialla

I think you did the right thing. She must be able to cope with these aspects of therapy as well. Sometimes keeping feelings inside just makes them grow until they
become unbearable and I'm saying this out of experience.
Me too, I'm trying to disclose my feelings to my T, it's so embarassing, but he is
reacting as the great person I have learnt to know. Good luck for yr Tuesday session,
let us know how it goes (me too, I will see him on tuesday).

OH yes, it grows and grows and has been growing to unbearable heights. It is embarrassing. I don't know how I will face her. Have you already told your T or slowly telling your T? Good luck for your Tuesday session as well.

with

[nicoleflynn]

A therapist should be trained to not freak out at ANYthing a client says.....

[violettagialla]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

OH yes, it grows and grows and has been growing to unbearable heights. It is embarrassing. I don't know how I will face her. Have you already told your T or slowly telling your T? Good luck for your Tuesday session as well.

with

I have been seeing my T for six years and I have developed a transfert for him since the beginning, but in these days I'm going really crazy because he told me he will have a baby in one month (I have also posted a thread on this, because I was so desperate I really needed some comfort).
I have started to tell him something on the phone and he was sympathetic and kind, but he thinks I'm simply worried about not seeing him for a while,
because he will take a couple of weeks vacation after the birth.
Actually my uneasiness has more to do with the thought of him giving a woman all the care and tenderness I will never have. This makes me feel unbearably alone.
I'm not sure I can tell him about this, though he always encourages me to discuss all what makes me feel bad. I also think I'm spoiling his magic moment after he has done so much for me and I feel so ashamed.
I wonder why I still have these overreactions after all the work we have done together. Maybe I should just accept the fact that my mind will never work like the one of other people and it's now worth keeping trying.

[tooski]

Once when T had to spend a few minutes filling out insurance papers, I was browsing through the stuff on the table next to the couch and found a photo album of him and his family. I knew he was married with 3 kids, but seeing the pictures really brought that fact home. ooh, that hurt and I was depressed for days.

Knowing about the baby brings home the reality that he has a life that doesn't include you, and of course it's painful. It's normal considering that you have feelings for him, and it was normal for me to feel upset.

Talk about it with him if it's really bothering you. He'll understand, trust me.

[missrachel33]

Originally Posted by WantingtoHeal

Well, I'm glad she's not freaked out, so that's a definite plus. And she didn't tell me to not come back, another plus. She didn't tell me not to email, another plus.

I just wish she would have written more. I'm not sure what. I just wanted more...I guess that's what I always want, though, more of her. More words, more time. It was so short and to the point, so I feel a little like I'm not worth her time..like I'm not important enough.

I can't stand the feeling of being put in this 1 hour time frame...I feel constricted.

I hope this opens up an honesty I've not had before with anyone. I'm a little scared of how honest I'll be.

WTH

I understand so well how you feel, as I too have very strong feelings of attraction for my T. I think you are very courageous for telling her in the email - so important to share such things. I myself also wrote an email to my T - not about that, but I sort of implied it. She said nothing about that, even though we did discuss my email. So, it's up to me, just like it was up to you.

I'm glad you did it, and wish you luck. I too need to do what you are doing, and tell my T. So I'm very impressed with the strength it took to send your email.

I think the email response from your T was very positive. But I hear ya...I always want a bigger response from my T, always want more of her time, more of her. I can empathize.

Good luck w/ your appointment!! Will you let us know how it goes?

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by violettagialla

I have been seeing my T for six years and I have developed a transfert for him since the beginning, but in these days I'm going really crazy because he told me he will have a baby in one month (I have also posted a thread on this, because I was so desperate I really needed some comfort).
I have started to tell him something on the phone and he was sympathetic and kind, but he thinks I'm simply worried about not seeing him for a while,
because he will take a couple of weeks vacation after the birth.
Actually my uneasiness has more to do with the thought of him giving a woman all the care and tenderness I will never have. This makes me feel unbearably alone.
I'm not sure I can tell him about this, though he always encourages me to discuss all what makes me feel bad. I also think I'm spoiling his magic moment after he has done so much for me and I feel so ashamed.
I wonder why I still have these overreactions after all the work we have done together. Maybe I should just accept the fact that my mind will never work like the one of other people and it's now worth keeping trying.

I understand so much of what you mean. I would encourage you to discuss it with him. It makes so much sense to me. That loneliness is almost unbearable. I have read your thread about it.

WTH

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by tooski

Once when T had to spend a few minutes filling out insurance papers, I was browsing through the stuff on the table next to the couch and found a photo album of him and his family. I knew he was married with 3 kids, but seeing the pictures really brought that fact home. ooh, that hurt and I was depressed for days.

Knowing about the baby brings home the reality that he has a life that doesn't include you, and of course it's painful. It's normal considering that you have feelings for him, and it was normal for me to feel upset.

Talk about it with him if it's really bothering you. He'll understand, trust me.

Yeah, my T just changed her profile FB pic and it has her daughter and granddaughter all hugging each other. Really made me jealous and sad. I wish I could talk about it with her, but I don't want her to know I look at her FB pic. She might block me out.

WTH

[WantingtoHeal]

Originally Posted by missrachel33

I understand so well how you feel, as I too have very strong feelings of attraction for my T. I think you are very courageous for telling her in the email - so important to share such things. I myself also wrote an email to my T - not about that, but I sort of implied it. She said nothing about that, even though we did discuss my email. So, it's up to me, just like it was up to you.

I'm glad you did it, and wish you luck. I too need to do what you are doing, and tell my T. So I'm very impressed with the strength it took to send your email.

I think the email response from your T was very positive. But I hear ya...I always want a bigger response from my T, always want more of her time, more of her. I can empathize.

Good luck w/ your appointment!! Will you let us know how it goes?

I had to be direct and say it straight out. She wasn't getting the hint. Or she wouldn't talk about it with my hints. We'll see how it goes on Tuesday as far as how serious she takes it. I had to tell her, it was killing me and I just couldn't take it any more. I hope it gets better now.

I will post here as far as how it goes after my session. God, I hope it gets better. I can't live my life being obsessed with her.

WTH

That is so great, WantingtoHeal, I know that you've been trying to tell her for quite some time and it felt really hard. I hope you feel proud of yourself!

I can really relate to what you said about wanting more from her reply, and about how unhappy it makes you to be obsessed with her I hope you get what you need on Tuesday and that it is the start of healing for you. I'll be thinking of you!

[WantingtoHeal]

Well, I had my session on Tuesday and it went very well, but what is so funny is that we didn't even talk about my feelings about her!! She acknowledged the email, but we talked about all sorts of other stuff. I can't believe that! It doesn't bother me. I think it is kind of funny. After all this time that I've tried to get it out and I think it's like no big deal to her. She said it doesn't scare her at all. Which is fine with me - but I've got to talk about it, which I hope to do tomorrow. So, I'll keep you posted.

She may be waiting for you to bring it up and talk about it directly. My T does this, and I'm about ready to tell him that he needs to push me more. If he leaves it up to me to bring up difficult things, we're gonna be there for years!!!

Good luck tomorrow. I hope you can get this out so you can stop thinking about it.

[WantingtoHeal]

I had another session today. Again, we barely talked about it. I just can't seem to get the words out. I got that email written and I thought that would do the trick to get it out in the open, which it has, but it certainly hasn't made it easier for me to talk about it. I can't seem to explain anything to her. Oh, frustration! I don't think she understands. Jeez. I guess it will take longer. She keeps saying I'm progressing and I'm just not feeling it, but I don't want to offend anyone. I'm going to keep trying, though.

WTH