[WhiteClouds]

Hi PC Fam,
It has been some time since I post anything. I've been through the valley and down the hill. To no avail, I'm standing.
I wanted to share a quick update with you about my transference with my T. I still see him on a weekly basis. His goal in sessions seem to be #1 get me to cry #2 let me know I am safe when I'm in session with him. He often reminds me that he listens and remembers everything I tell him. (No I don't believe him.) I think that is one of the techniques or something. He do try his best to get me to cheer up or not leave so upset. He try his darndest to get me to see the rainbow. Thankfully it is because of him, I can and learning to find the rainbow on my own.
Because of his care, concern about me and how the things in my life do cause me to be alone emotionally and isolated in some ways. Because of his acknowledgement of my feelings, listening, and just being him. I know a part of me now feel a form of love for him. Not the type of love that I see myself going off into the sunset with him. Not at all. I know a part of him , the gift he has given me will be with me for a lifetime. I know he is a counselor, but to me he has been a friend. I know he is not my friend. But that is how I feel about him. I keep my distance. I remain focused. And do the work the best I can. I still have dreams about him but they're not " Fiery, inferno, O M G, explicit" dreams. They're always in passing dreams. Like I'm walking past him and he trying to grab my hand and I keep going. Or him getting out of a pool and I turn my back so I can't see anything.
He knows I'm committed to the work. I'm committed to improving myself, my life, and my world. He understands that. As long as I kept feeling all googly eyed about him, I couldn't get anything done. Guess the transference in one form or another will linger until I stop seeing him

[Travelinglady]

I have one therapist in particular I will always feel strongly about, because she stood by me and was the one who really helped me with some severe issues. Now and then (after at least 9 years or so), I still might dream a bit about her. Not romantic, but sort of a strong sense of caring, I guess.

[LearningMe01]

You explained the way you feel for him and the reason why - PERFECTLY. Seriously, if you were standing in front of me right now, I'd give you a standing ovation

I'm going through something very similar. Mine is a little more on the romantic side...but for all the same reasons, and wouldn't you know it , it all started with a dream, and in that dream we were holding hands, nothing more.

My T will be leaving before too long and I would REALLY like to finish up my work with her before she leaves, but I find myself "stuck" as of recently , mostly because of the transference (I hate that evil T word so much lol) I'm going to try a different strategy this week , and I'm hoping it will keep me more focused on the work. Because clearly, these transference feelings aren't going anywhere until she leaves, and then I get to go through the inevitable, horrid grieving process

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Hi PC Fam,
It has been some time since I post anything. I've been through the valley and down the hill. To no avail, I'm standing.
I wanted to share a quick update with you about my transference with my T. I still see him on a weekly basis. His goal in sessions seem to be #1 get me to cry #2 let me know I am safe when I'm in session with him. He often reminds me that he listens and remembers everything I tell him. (No I don't believe him.) I think that is one of the techniques or something. He do try his best to get me to cheer up or not leave so upset. He try his darndest to get me to see the rainbow. Thankfully it is because of him, I can and learning to find the rainbow on my own.
Because of his care, concern about me and how the things in my life do cause me to be alone emotionally and isolated in some ways. Because of his acknowledgement of my feelings, listening, and just being him. I know a part of me now feel a form of love for him. Not the type of love that I see myself going off into the sunset with him. Not at all. I know a part of him , the gift he has given me will be with me for a lifetime. I know he is a counselor, but to me he has been a friend. I know he is not my friend. But that is how I feel about him. I keep my distance. I remain focused. And do the work the best I can. I still have dreams about him but they're not " Fiery, inferno, O M G, explicit" dreams. They're always in passing dreams. Like I'm walking past him and he trying to grab my hand and I keep going. Or him getting out of a pool and I turn my back so I can't see anything.
He knows I'm committed to the work. I'm committed to improving myself, my life, and my world. He understands that. As long as I kept feeling all googly eyed about him, I couldn't get anything done. Guess the transference in one form or another will linger until I stop seeing him

That is the most lovely way I have heard someone express their positive feelings for transference (and their T)...very beautifully put.
So often things get in the way on one side or the other, and we don't get a chance to learn from these feelings of transference (as we keep hearing/reading we are supposed to), so congratulations on such wonderful sentiments; I admire you. You and your T must be doing excellent work together.

[WhiteClouds]

Hi Traction,
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, it has been a process. Don't get me wrong, I'm had my share of explicit thoughts, dreams about him. I've had my moments I wanted to jump on his lap and kiss him passionately. I've had my moments I felt like he was playing some sick, sorted game with me. It took some time for me to own my feelings, reactions, and perception of him. Once began to work through it, I realized why I was responding this way towards him. The work began once I began to face these feelings. Once I began to acknowledge them. That is when the freedom began. The growth, the light broke through. Not only how I was viewing him, but how I was viewing life in general.