Abused by therarapist and dont know how to deal my feelings

Lizzie,
I am so sorry and I do relate to the feelings you are going through. Hang in there! You can do this and write as often as you need. You are not alone. I relate in many ways. The TELL website - read their articles/papers - all of them. Seriously. And email them!

You have relied on this man for a long time, he made you believe that you needed him. 20 years is very enmeshed. He sexually abused you regardless of if you liked or not. It was his duty to respect you and uphold ethics. Ethics and laws really are there to protect you - and for a good reason. He has broken so many that I feel scared for people seeing him right now.

You CAN live through this, YOU can find real support and respect, even if you don't trust them right away. You have been abused. For me, validating it all has been difficult. Because I also miss him, I also loved him....to both miss him and understand that I were seriously exploited is so difficult. It's not your fault, yet you get to feel the fall out.

For the first two weeks after my own fall out - I think I cried more than I ever have in my life. And the only way I could get myself to eat was to eat my favorite food every day. I'm just saying, find your own way to take care of yourself, those little things that make you feel good do make a difference. And know that you are not alone.

With compassion.