[WhiteClouds]

Happy Thursday PC Fam! It is y sincerest thought that you have had a productive enlightening week. I hope your sessions has proven beneficial. I hope all is well.

I come to you today with something that I am unable to make sense of. I appreciate all honest, unbiased, loving responses. Even if they are brutally honest.

At the start of several sessions my T refers to me as "My Belle". I for some reason find the term endearing and I do like it. On the other hand using the term "MY" to me indicate ownership. I may be far reaching. He does ask my assessment of various things and consistently remind me that my input is always spot on and he value my opinion.
Is the "My Belle" statements something to ignore even tough they do tickle my transference for him.
I'm going to miss him dearly as I undergo recovery from a surgery I am scheduled for. I wish he could come to my house and do sessions. Or send flowers. Though I know either will happen. It is all part of the fantasy portion of my transference. The fantasy of him looking at me as someone he would be interested in or consider his. smh
Please feel free to share your input. It is greatly appreciated.

Belle

[Hopelesspoppy]

It sounds to me like you are being groomed. Yes, the affection is flattering and even exhilarating, but please tread carefully. There are therapists who thrive on their clients vulnerabilities. And take advantage. I was there for a long time. I hope you don't make the mistakes I did, it is scarring. Best wishes for a successful surgery!

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

It sounds to me like you are being groomed. Yes, the affection is flattering and even exhilarating, but please tread carefully. There are therapists who thrive on their clients vulnerabilities. And take advantage. I was there for a long time. I hope you don't make the mistakes I did, it is scarring. Best wishes for a successful surgery!

I never thought of it that way. Thriving on my vulnerabilities. I recently finally wrote out a letter of all the abuse I can recall. Ever since he has avoided discussing the trauma at all costs. Due to health issues he said now is not the time to deal with it. He has been very receptive. Yesterday was more playful than usual. I guess he is trying to help me feel better. I will be mindful of this

[growlycat]

It may not mean anything awful, it may just be a term of endearment.

There aren't any signs of misconduct on his side, right?

I think he is just trying to be nice. It is impossible to say without more information. If he sticks to boundaries and repects you and is professional and not overly friendly then no I don't think him called you "My Belle" is a bad thing...UNLESS you don't like it or it is not useful to you. Best thing you can do? Talk about it with him.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by growlycat

It may not mean anything awful, it may just be a term of endearment.

There aren't any signs of misconduct on his side, right?

No signs of misconduct. If e has to come near me he always say, "I'm not going to touch you". And I always reply I know you're not. Your silly but you're not stupid. Otherwise I do deem our client/ T relationship overall healthy.

[Favorite Jeans]

How does it feel that he's avoided talking about the trauma with you at all costs? I'd be pretty upset if I'd gotten up the courage to write to my T about something like that and she avoided addressing it.

I'm not sure how this issue relates to My Belle but I'm guessing it does. Also I'm guessing that if you felt totally fine with him calling you that, you wouldn't have posted about it.

It would make me uncomfortable too. Some people are less formal and use terms of endearment with everyone but to me therapy is different. The firmness of the boundaries is what keeps it safe to disclose so much. I have had such bad experiences with therapists who had poor boundaries (not sexually but nevertheless) that I'd feel really uncomfortable with a special lovey nickname--even if part of me liked it.

[doyoutrustme]

Reminds me of the Song, 'Michelle, my belle.' Could it be related to that?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

Reminds me of the Song, 'Michelle, my belle.' Could it be related to that?

I was thinking that too. But I also agree with favorite jeans. I do a nickname with my t everytime when he comes out to get me, and he replies with one along the lines of the one I made up, but if he were to call me something specific every time- it feels like he's holding me a little too tightly. Like a preconceived notion of who I am. A space in his brain that's named. I don't like the cutesy name on my "file" there. I want the default name to be my regular default name. Otherwise he's diminishing me somehow, cutting me off from some potential. Is a future president of the United States "his" belle? I know I'm getting a little carried away in my logic, but that's how feminists figured things out in the olden Days - you extrapolated them out to a possible conclusion. Usually president!

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

How does it feel that he's avoided talking about the trauma with you at all costs? I'd be pretty upset if I'd gotten up the courage to write to my T about something like that and she avoided addressing it.

I'm not sure how this issue relates to My Belle but I'm guessing it does. Also I'm guessing that if you felt totally fine with him calling you that, you wouldn't have posted about it.

It would make me uncomfortable too. Some people are less formal and use terms of endearment with everyone but to me therapy is different. The firmness of the boundaries is what keeps it safe to disclose so much. I have had such bad experiences with therapists who had poor boundaries (not sexually but nevertheless) that I'd feel really uncomfortable with a special lovey nickname--even if part of me liked it.

Hi Favorite Jeans,
Thanks for your response. I will answer you 1st question. AS to how does it feel that I disclosed the childhood trauma and abuse in great detail and he has avoided it. I understand why. I gave him the letter that Tuesday, that following week I was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor in my left breast. 1 week after than I was scheduled to undergo a TVH. I have a lot of my plate right now pertaining to my health. Right now the focus is to keep me from spiraling into a deep depression due to my physical ailments.
It was very courageous to disclose these things to him. However, I felt safe enough to discuss them with him. I do appreciate him trying to protect me during this time. By not encouraging me to overload my emotions with trauma and deal with the other issues as well.
As far as it is bothering me. I was trying to make sense of it. Normalize it from various points of view. I do appreciate the pet name in some form or fashion. Not used t terms of endearment. Guess that is why I appreciate it.
My heart goes out to you having to deal with less that quality clinicians during your time of self help. I hope that your current clinician understand what you have been though and what s needed to help you on your journey. Once again. Thanks for your response.

Warm Regards,
Belle

[unaluna]

Then a term of endearment to carry you thru a tough time seems appropriate to me. It does let you know he is honoring your struggle at this time, I think, and standing with you. We often ask ourselves if our t really cares. I think something like this shows their commitment to us. You can get back to being president later.

Eta: my t was very ...concerned isnt exactly the right word, but very like gracious with me? When i got sick last year. So that's how I relate to this.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

Reminds me of the Song, 'Michelle, my belle.' Could it be related to that?

No. LOL Belle is the name I use on this site. As I am a Southern Belle. Good try though.

[Favorite Jeans]

Belle, wow I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much at once! It totally makes sense in that context that your T would not want to delve into trauma/abuse history in the middle of all this. If it's bothering you, and you haven't done this already maybe you could just ask for reassurance that he's read your letter, he's thinking about it and you'll get to it when the dust settles. Even if you already know it, it might be helpful to hear the actual acknowledgement from him.

Lots of love/strength/luck for the journey ahead!

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Belle, wow I'm so sorry that you are dealing with so much at once! It totally makes sense in that context that your T would not want to delve into trauma/abuse history in the middle of all this. If it's bothering you, and you haven't done this already maybe you could just ask for reassurance that he's read your letter, he's thinking about it and you'll get to it when the dust settles. Even if you already know it, it might be helpful to hear the actual acknowledgement from him.

Lots of love/strength/luck for the journey ahead!

Thanks Favorite Jeans,
I was ready for the gusto and go for it after breaking down in tears about the pathology report. He then said perhaps me writing the 7 pages of trauma I hid so well was it's own form tumor. And I released it. Perhaps now my body is beginning to heal and show how the trauma has impact my physical body over the years.
I appreciate all of you being understanding . I know my transference has been pretty intense. Now it isn't so much so. I was confused it the nickname a flirt? Term of endearment? Joke? I didn't know what to make of it.
Be encouraged we all have something to work through, work on, and come on the other side of. And we will. 1 day at a time. 1 session at a time. 1 post at a time. enjoy your evening my PC Fam
PS: as soon as I am lucid enough to type I will be spending a lot of time on here post op. LOL