[purplemystery]

I am a female, and my feelings for my female T started out as more of a parental transference, but several years ago I experienced transference with a male teacher and thought that it was romantic love at the time. Because a lot of the feelings are the same, I feel like I *decided* to imagine my T in an erotic way... It felt like a conscious decision on my part to imagine sexual fantasies about her. I guess I wanted to see what it would be like. There is something so... pure and human and intimate about my fantasies. I of course know that nothing will ever happen, but I feel like I would be loved in the most ultimate and complete way if it did. At the same time, these feelings never interfere with therapy and I can't say that I exactly have a "crush" on her; it's just something I think about now and again. Maybe it's not even connected to the REAL her. Is it weird that I kind of chose these feelings purposely? I wasn't having fantasies before, but now they come up every now and again.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

I am a female, and my feelings for my female T started out as more of a parental transference, but several years ago I experienced transference with a male teacher and thought that it was romantic love at the time. Because a lot of the feelings are the same, I feel like I *decided* to imagine my T in an erotic way... It felt like a conscious decision on my part to imagine sexual fantasies about her. I guess I wanted to see what it would be like. There is something so... pure and human and intimate about my fantasies. I of course know that nothing will ever happen, but I feel like I would be loved in the most ultimate and complete way if it did. At the same time, these feelings never interfere with therapy and I can't say that I exactly have a "crush" on her; it's just something I think about now and again. Maybe it's not even connected to the REAL her. Is it weird that I kind of chose these feelings purposely? I wasn't having fantasies before, but now they come up every now and again.

As a female who has only seen 2 female Ts exactly once on two occasions, I can only hypothesize. Females, statistically, associate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy much more than men. We tend to crave it above and beyond our sexual orientation (not to suggest the hetero women want sexual relationships with their BFs, nor or mothers, aunts, grandmothers, etc). In successful therapy you feel a new kind of rawness, and consider your T the keeper of your deepest feelings and secrets. Do we not all really desire that in our partners? The acceptance, warts and all, coupled with desire? The gender becomes a non-issue compared to the primal desire to be known and loved.

[Poppy Princess]

I can understand this. I had one female therapist I really liked and I would masturbate to fantasies about her. I think it's because I felt emotionally close to her too and wanted to completed that in a sexual way. Like a complete love.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Haha I TOTALLY get this. I'm bisexual, and was interested to see would I get an erotic transference to my female therapist, so I gave deliberately thinking about her while masturbating a whirl I did climax (sorry if too much information!) but it didn't really do anything for me, it was just a bit strange. Even though she is an attractive woman. I guess I just can't see her like that - probably because she knows far too much about me in a very unnatural way, that's sort of squashed flat any whisper of eroticism for me.

But I definitely understand what you mean, about 'choosing' to fantasize and experiment with that in your head, so I don't think it's weird.

[twoper]

I went about doing intentional transference in a slightly different way from you guys. I've never admitted this to anyone, and I'm definitely putting off telling my T.

Before meeting my T, I was still fantasizing and obsessing over a T I had had four years prior. The fantasies would come and go, but they never totally went away. Part of the reason I went back to therapy was to finally try and resolve my feelings.

... So I looked at the Psychology Today directory and picked a male T who, from his picture, was attractive to me personally and also looked a little bit like my old T.

What he wrote on his website was also important, but the physical appearance sealed the deal.

After meeting with him a couple of times, my erotic transference did indeed whoosh over from my old T to him! Though it feels real in so many ways, that passing of the baton proved to me that it really is transference, for the most part, and not actual love. (Or if I picture love as a spectrum, with full transference on one end and deeply personalized love of an individual on the other, my feelings are definitely toward the first end of the spectrum.)

Now, though, I can't turn the feelings off. It's all right, though, because I'm finally able to work through them. Also, recently, I have had dips in my interest in him, which foreshadow a time when I won't be so dependent.

[unaluna]

Yeah, in mathematical terms, two points define a line. Once I realized I felt the same way about two different ts, I was better able to see what was the same and what was different, what was "real" and what was transference. I've actually told my current t that I am more attracted in a traditional? way to my previous t - I think we have more in common - but current t is a much better t to me than prev t was, and I think current t is a better person, value-wise.

[circles5]

whats's erotic transference?

i've had similar feelings about well, all three of my therapists...
never really drew any conclusions; even though i found it strange that i did so..

C

[purplemystery]

Hopelesspoppy and Poppy Princess: I have heard that females have more gender fluidity in their sexuality. You are exactly right that my fantasizing is a way of experiencing closeness on an additional level, to make our intimacy reach the ultimate level.

IndestructibleGirl: I'm glad someone understands about the intentional aspect of it. It seems weird to force transference because the feelings involved are so intense. I guess it's not the same as "true love" exactly... that you shouldn't force. But I wanted to imagine experiencing all of my T's love. I know what you mean about finding it strange to see your T in that way; I tend to imagine her as a blurry, undetailed version of herself and if I imagine her as she truly is, I guess it creeps me out a little.

twoper: Thanks for sharing your story. I think it makes complete sense that you would try to find someone that looks similar. In a way, maybe you knew deep down that this would be healing for you, and you needed this after 4 years. Now is your chance to resolve your feelings, and that's awesome that you've been seeing improvements.

hankster: I've experienced intense transference with 2 teachers, a friend, and now my current T, so I know exactly what you mean about comparing the similarities and differences. There are many commonalities, and I guess that does suggest an underlying basic relationship need or way of relating to people. I like what you said about how you know what is "real" by seeing the differences. Although, though some may argue, I still think transference is real because I truly feel like I love my T's unique qualities.

circles5: Very basically put, erotic transference is having sexual feelings for your therapist, which may stem from unfulfilled social needs or attachment difficulties. You'll definitely find a lot of helpful information on this forum!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

As a female who has only seen 2 female Ts exactly once on two occasions, I can only hypothesize. Females, statistically, associate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy much more than men. We tend to crave it above and beyond our sexual orientation (not to suggest the hetero women want sexual relationships with their BFs, nor or mothers, aunts, grandmothers, etc). In successful therapy you feel a new kind of rawness, and consider your T the keeper of your deepest feelings and secrets. Do we not all really desire that in our partners? The acceptance, warts and all, coupled with desire? The gender becomes a non-issue compared to the primal desire to be known and loved.

Thanks for this. It makes sense to me and puts my "pattern" into perspective. I've always wanted the emotional intimacy with people, especially my Ts, and it gets mixed up with physical intimacy. "The primal desire to be known and loved." That resonates with me.

I keep saying "it just happens" but maybe because I WANT it to happen. I want to feel that "spark" or "intensity" I felt when I was 11 and 12 years old and had crushes on two different people. They each became my "whole life" and were both unavailable to me. My T awakens those early desires which never left me and kept transfering to other people. Sorry if I'm hijacking. I want to figure it out and move on, but I can't seem to do that.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by purplemystery

I am a female, and my feelings for my female T started out as more of a parental transference, but several years ago I experienced transference with a male teacher and thought that it was romantic love at the time. Because a lot of the feelings are the same, I feel like I *decided* to imagine my T in an erotic way... It felt like a conscious decision on my part to imagine sexual fantasies about her. I guess I wanted to see what it would be like. There is something so... pure and human and intimate about my fantasies. I of course know that nothing will ever happen, but I feel like I would be loved in the most ultimate and complete way if it did. At the same time, these feelings never interfere with therapy and I can't say that I exactly have a "crush" on her; it's just something I think about now and again. Maybe it's not even connected to the REAL her. Is it weird that I kind of chose these feelings purposely? I wasn't having fantasies before, but now they come up every now and again.

I can understand your feelings, purplemystery. My T triggers those feelings in me, too though they are never sexual, but more of a pure love, adoration, for her. I crave the emotional intimacy but am affected by her physicality, if that makes any sense.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I can understand your feelings, purplemystery. My T triggers those feelings in me, too though they are never sexual, but more of a pure love, adoration, for her. I crave the emotional intimacy but am affected by her physicality, if that makes any sense.

That does make sense. I actually don't have sexual feelings for her (unless I choose to make myself feel that way, if that makes any sense). But I can tell you that I think I know exactly what you mean about being affected by her physicality. I find my T's appearance very mesmerizing and fascinating, from what she wears to how she walks. There is something so mystical about her.