[YalomGirl55]

Hi all. I appreciate you taking the time to come to this post. Right now I am going through a really difficult time. About a year ago I started working with a male therapist. About 6 months into it, I began having very sexual feelings toward him. Before these feelings he invited me to play soccer with him and told me he had wished he could set me up with his brother in law. After I told him about these erotic feelings we texted practically everyday. He told me he was attracted to me and had countertransference. He said he was very flattered but how would his wife feel if we ever did anything. Also insinuated that he masturbated to the thought of me but later denied this by calling me at 2 in the morning and said he meant previous patients not me. I am not innocent in this, I sent him photos and pursued him, a married man. I am just so confused and lost. He blocked my number and I feel abandoned. Please respond. Thanks.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Breathe deeply. You are the victim of his midlife crisis. Stay away from him, he will only hurt you. Please feel free and welcome to message me for support, I have been there. It does not ever end well,

Love your user name.

I agree with poppy, you are a victim of his midlife crisis. He is swinging between lust and logic with a bit of fear thrown in.
He has made you confused and lost, it's not your fault, it is his responsibility to keep things useful and helpful. He has failed you.

[SkinnySoul]

I agree with all said above. Find a new T to help you get it together.

Btw when did he become an ex T?

[YalomGirl55]

He ended therapy with me in July.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

He ended therapy with me in July.

How did he explain the termination? Did he blame it on you?
Was it sudden?

[YalomGirl55]

It was very messy. I didn't know how to get out. He told me if I ever sent the texts I still had between him and I to his wife or created a blog then he would terminate therapy with me. I sent the texts to his wife. I feel awful.

[growlycat]

Ugh, I would report this guy before he hurts someone else.

Sorry you had to go through this.

[YalomGirl55]

I know, what scares me is I don't know how he interacts with other female patients. I don't have money for civil law suit but I may report him to the APA. It's all such a process though.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

It was very messy. I didn't know how to get out. He told me if I ever sent the texts I still had between him and I to his wife or created a blog then he would terminate therapy with me. I sent the texts to his wife. I feel awful.

You have shown yourself the door out. Yes, it feels awful. But you stood up for yourself. Take a modicum of satisfaction that he HAS to answer to it now.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

I know, what scares me is I don't know how he interacts with other female patients. I don't have money for civil law suit but I may report him to the APA. It's all such a process though.

It costs nothing to report him to the APA. A civil lawsuit will cause you more pain and will probably get you nothing.

If you feel he is a risk, you have a moral obligation to report him.

If not, then your need support here and elsewhere to lick your wounds.

Rough stuff, I am sorry.

[Jungatheart]

It's no wonder you are feeling confused, lost, and abandoned! It was his duty to uphold ethics and boundaries. You held his secrets for him. I did that as well. I refer to it now as emotional blackmail. So, good for you for breaking the silence with his wife. Truth is the way out. I hear your pain and I am sending hugs.

In terms of reporting to your state board, there are some pointers on the TELL website. You can email them as well. If considering a civil suit/medical malpractice - from what I have learned is that there are many factors involved. Positive outcomes can depend on what type of therapist he was, what kind of practice he was in (private vs. other), "damages" to you, ect. Those details will also help determine if a lawyer will take your case on a "contingency" basis - meaning that they will agree to take your case without you paying them, but will take a % of your settlement if you win. If considering, I'd just speak to a few different lawyers to gain insight.

A man as you describe, I'd be willing to bet that you are not the first. Reporting is a personal decision, but for me it has felt as if I am taking back my power. And hopefully saving other potential victims.

In understanding.

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

Hi all. I appreciate you taking the time to come to this post. Right now I am going through a really difficult time. About a year ago I started working with a male therapist. About 6 months into it, I began having very sexual feelings toward him. Before these feelings he invited me to play soccer with him and told me he had wished he could set me up with his brother in law. After I told him about these erotic feelings we texted practically everyday. He told me he was attracted to me and had countertransference. He said he was very flattered but how would his wife feel if we ever did anything. Also insinuated that he masturbated to the thought of me but later denied this by calling me at 2 in the morning and said he meant previous patients not me. I am not innocent in this, I sent him photos and pursued him, a married man. I am just so confused and lost. He blocked my number and I feel abandoned. Please respond. Thanks.

Oh Hun,
Emotions the stuff therapy is built on. I don't know where to begin. I will go backwards. You engaged in a relationship with a married man. From experience (DON'T JUDGE ME!) When I was in my late teens I had a relationship with a married man. Married men have an experience with women that single men will never comprehend. Then to add to his ammo he is a clinician. He knows what to say, do to lure you in. The woman usually do not realize it is all a fabricated illusion to get what he want.
Clearly this was physical attraction. Hence, he crossed the line with bait first. He began with the "I should hook you up with my brother in law". Indicating you're a catch. All of this strokes a woman's ego.
The crux of this situation is this man selfishly used you. What he in fact did was abusive. He violate the Code of Ethics, his marital covenant, your feelings as a woman. It will be years of you dealing with this. Because the complexity of the relationship will require time to process, heal, and change the behavior pattern.
Begin with your relationships with men. How do you plan to rectify this situation for your benefit first and foremost? I know the possibility that others may have been through this is a thought. However, you need to take care of YOU first. Do what is best for your situation first.
I hate that this has happened to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to inbox me anytime.

Report him. Do you have another T that is helping you with this? If not, go get one. You deserve help and support with this.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

Hi all. I appreciate you taking the time to come to this post. Right now I am going through a really difficult time. About a year ago I started working with a male therapist. About 6 months into it, I began having very sexual feelings toward him. Before these feelings he invited me to play soccer with him and told me he had wished he could set me up with his brother in law. After I told him about these erotic feelings we texted practically everyday. He told me he was attracted to me and had countertransference. He said he was very flattered but how would his wife feel if we ever did anything. Also insinuated that he masturbated to the thought of me but later denied this by calling me at 2 in the morning and said he meant previous patients not me. I am not innocent in this, I sent him photos and pursued him, a married man. I am just so confused and lost. He blocked my number and I feel abandoned. Please respond. Thanks.

Oh dear, this guy just broke ethical rules right and left. The reason for boundaries and ethics is to protect both the client and the T. Inviting you to play soccer was a huge no-no, and everything else that came after. Your erotic feelings for him after a few months was a completely normal transference thing. It was his job to hold the boundaries and help you work through those feelings. (I know because I've had those feelings for almost 2 years, and therapy continues with all boundaries in place because my T is a moral, ethical man.)

I'm sorry you experience this rotten situation and it's going to take some time to work through. I hope you can find another T to help you get through this and learn to trust again, and to continue with whatever issues brought you to therapy in the first place. Hugs, if they're OK

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

It was very messy. I didn't know how to get out. He told me if I ever sent the texts I still had between him and I to his wife or created a blog then he would terminate therapy with me. I sent the texts to his wife. I feel awful.

You did the right thing. He operated by intimidating you into keeping his bad behavior secret by essentially blackmailing you. You basically did him a favor by not allowing his crappy blackmail to continue, you did his wife a favor by telling her something she has the right to know about the man she shares a life with (I understand some spouses do not want to know, but I believe they are in the minority), and you did yourself a favor by breaking yourself out of this before it got REALLY bad. I'm actually quite impressed!

[allme]

What a no good piece of s***! I admire the fact you sent the txts to his wife, serves him right! You are the victim here, don't feel bad. These ppl play with our lives thinking there will be no consequences and there are, especially for us who suffer at the hands of these monsters. He should have kept these thoughts/feelings to himself but he chose to play with you and satisfy his own sexual desires. What a pig a big fat pig and you need to stay away from him for good! I suffered at the hands of a manipulative, over the line crossing t who ruined me and left me in bits. I started using drugs again after him and my marriage wasn't right for a couple of years. I still suffer now because of him.

Sorry he put you through this. Makes me so angry!

[YalomGirl55]

Obsessed still! When will this end??

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

Obsessed still! When will this end??

I'm really sorry. Let me know if you need someone to talk to. I'm always here.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by YalomGirl55

Hi all. I appreciate you taking the time to come to this post. Right now I am going through a really difficult time. About a year ago I started working with a male therapist. About 6 months into it, I began having very sexual feelings toward him. Before these feelings he invited me to play soccer with him and told me he had wished he could set me up with his brother in law. After I told him about these erotic feelings we texted practically everyday. He told me he was attracted to me and had countertransference. He said he was very flattered but how would his wife feel if we ever did anything. Also insinuated that he masturbated to the thought of me but later denied this by calling me at 2 in the morning and said he meant previous patients not me. I am not innocent in this, I sent him photos and pursued him, a married man. I am just so confused and lost. He blocked my number and I feel abandoned. Please respond. Thanks.

No, you are completely innocent in this. I've bolded everything from your story that was a clear violation of his professional code of ethics. I would recommend checking this site out. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

The therapeutic relationship makes it easy to seduce clients. The reality is he would most likely lose his license if this was reported to his licensing board. Had you slept with him, in many places in the world that would be a criminal offense. It borders on rape when a therapist sleeps with a client.

I'm absolutely outraged and furious for you, and one day you will be too. If I were in your shoes, I would demand 100% of all the money he had received for "therapy" be returned to me, including any insurance money, or else I would do his wife another favor and report him.

As hard as it may be to admit, you need to know that he seduced you with his early boundary violations and the power imbalance inherent in the therapeutic relationship. I'm sure you got no if not negative therapeutic benefit from the 9 months of paying this loser. All the while he was doing things he knew and was trained were wrong, immoral, damaging to you psychologically, and that would destroy his career if brought to light. He listened to your story when you first met, didn't give a crap about what was bothering you, took your money and used your sessions for material to masturbate to. Get pissed.

[YalomGirl55]

Thanks for the support everyone. I am still in the grieving process and am very conflicted. He made me feel special, now he makes me feel like a piece of trash. I go in waves of missing him to wanting to report his ***. He also offered me payment if I would write for him. Another violatation. I have two years and this is all still so hard and new for me. Hard to even trust new therapist even though she is a woman. I still email him, he hasn't responded in two months. It kills me how easily set aside I was. Not so great after all. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, even him.

[nicoleflynn]

You can contact TELL (therapist exploitation); they are immensely helpful.

[YalomGirl55]

We accept the love we think we deserve