[Moebius]

Hi. I was looking for some advice about the transference (romantic) issue.

I've developing romantic feelings for my psychiatrist. We have around the same age (I´m 28 and she´s 31) and I enjoy so much talking with her. I find her very suportive, caring, makes me laugh with some comments that she sometimes throws during our sessions. I trust her so i can talk about almost anything...except sex life. She have the most beautiful eyes (brown, big, and there´s always a spark, a shining in them). She´s a very attractive woman and she looks like a woman of 25

I´ve read a lot of material regarding the issue and somehow managed to keep the feelings at bay. By this I mean that I don´t make any comments that could reveal my feelings for her (trying not to make her feel uncomfortable, avoid rejection, etc). I see her once a month, so it´s not so difficult anyway. The only physical contact that we have (sometimes) is a kiss in the cheek. (In my country it´s customary to do this with our family, friends or co-workers)

The last year I was in a very dark place...experiencing serious problems in work, fights with my family. Besides, the other girl who with had a crush on (a co-worker) was not feeling the same way that I, which dropped my self-esteem below zero. During one of my sessions with her, we decided that I needed some time off, and because of that I volunteer to confine in a mental institution for a month (was her idea and I agreed with it). It wasn´t nice but it helped me to clear my thoughts.

When I was back, I was so glad of being out of that place, to return to my work, to see my family again...and of course to see her again (the image of her as a woman caring for me, showing concern for me made the feelings to grow more intense)

The thing is...the last week it occurred to tell my T (she´s an older woman who i´ve recently seeing but i trust her completely) about the transference. She was surprised, said that is natural...but then, she dropped the bomb. My T told me that my psychiatrist is marrying on August 15th and she tell me that i needed to get her out of my head. I told my T that she shouldn´t told that (because...it´s her private life) but she replied that it was necesary. I realize that she told me that to stop me fantasising about her but I feel that my heart is breaking.

Before this. I was not thinking to reveal her my feelings. I wouldn´t expect for her to reciprocate (nor I wanted to because I know that´s the wrong thing to do). She´s so "by the book", cares about me but in a professional way. I wanted to know everything about her...to know the woman behind the psychiatrist. I´ve thought (with some innocence) that "if I get better and no longer needed medication we could see each other out of that room...perhaps we could have been friends in other circunstances"

My next session with her is on Monday 4th. I was planning to confess how about I feel about her (maybe with a letter because I´m afraid of breaking in front of her). I was planning also to reduce (if it´s possible) the number of sessions that we have because the medication that she gives me lasts for 2 months. Then I could see her every 2 months instead of 1.

Please. I don´t know what to do. If someone could give me some advice, I would much appreciate. Sorry for making this too long. Thanks.

[glok]

Hello, Moebius. It seems to me you need to talk to the psychiatrist to see if you and she might come to an understanding that will allow the relationship to continue. If not, changing psychiatrists appears to be the appropriate course of action.

I wish you well.

[RedSun]

Hi Moebius
I'm so sorry your heart is breaking. I know that feeling too, I think, and it is soooo consuming.
Maybe don't make any decisions for now? Just keep seeing her once a month and see how it goes. Share what you can with her about your feelings, or with us on here. I am having a really bad time at the mo with similar stuff, but everyone on here is very supportive and says it will pass, keep at it, it will be better when you get through it. Xxxx

[precaryous]

Hi Moebius,

I'm sorry you are struggling. Therapists are trained about transference. If you could talk to her about your feelings she will be able to help you with it.