My didn't respond anything when I told her I have sexual fantasy towards her

Dear all,

Maybe I have to apologize first, english is not my main language, but I try my best to write my experience in this thread. I am 23 years old female living in asian country.

I think I had the worst feeling ever. Last month I decided to go to therapist because I found some annoying news on television or newspapers about a criminal who did sexual abuse towards children. The criminal who did the sexual abuse has an abusive sexual experience when he was a little boy. Scientist and experts state someone who gets abusive treatments tends to attack another with abusive behavior. My veins were shattered listening to that tragedy. My case shared the same pattern to that criminal. I was abused in my childhood by my own nanny and I did some abusive behavior to my female peers in my high school.

My therapist is such a nice woman. She listened to all of my story without judging me or tell me I was wrong. I think I am falling in love with her. She perhaps shares the same age with my mom, maybe 5-7 years younger.

The process of this transference happened so unexplainable. We had only three therapy sessions but I feel like a very strong string attached my neck to her feet. On our first meeting, I felt so overwhelmingly excited by her personality. I thought maybe I just encountered a woman on woman crush. It is pretty normal, isn’t it? I dated guys but I cant hinder I am so much open in having relationship with man or woman, I just don’t want to label myself as a sexually disorientated person.

On our second meeting, I found myself troublesomely attracted to her. I started to look some information about her. I started to look at her hand, if I could find a wedding ring attached on her finger. I started looking to find her family pictures in her room. I just want to make sure she belongs to someone, so I could stop fantasize about her.

Our third meeting was a real disaster for me, I knew and realized my great times with her were going to be ended up soon. I really wanted to throw her to the wall, press her with my body, tear her clothes apart, taste her lip with my hungry lips, and experience every inch of her curves, but of course I had no guts to do it.

In my final therapy, when we were about to say farewell to each other, she gave her hand to be shaken, but I frontally hugged her, she was not surprised at all, she responded to my hug and we were hugging right in front of her office gate.

I managed myself having a relationship with her facebook after therapy. Sometimes I press the like button on her photos, give some comments. Sometimes she also presses the like button on my photos, etc.

Couple weeks ago I told her I had crush on her and really have a strong crush one. She said it was fine and normal, she advises me I just have to reorganize the feelings to someone else. But four days ago I sent her a letter through email telling her my feeling is getting stronger and I have sexual fantasy towards her. She didn't reply anything. I sent her apology message through fb, she has seen it but doesn't reply anything until now. I sent her message and told her "mam, if I could run away from what has happened, I would, but since I can't, I apologize.. Knowing you are cool or feeling upset with my letter would mean a lot to me.." and gooossshhh she doesn't reply anything.

I don't know what should I do…..

I think I have sexual feelings towards my therapist after having there meetings with her. Our therapy is officially finished, I don't have any chance to meet her again.

I told her about my crush after our finally meetings through email. She said it is okay and normal. But on the last couple days I told her through letter I had sexual fantasy towards her. She didn't reply anything. I apologized through message, she doesn't reply me a bit.

What should I do?

She said it was normal. Nothing you can do, especially since your therapy id over. .

i think perhaps distance would be best. don't contact her. maybe unfriend her on FB. find a new t to help sort through these emotions.

I hate when she doen't reply anything. At least i wished she would said "your attitude is unacceptable or anything." Her silent makes me hurt so much..