[precaryous]

Twenty-some years ago, when I was in my late 30's, I had sex with my psychiatrist. He suggested it, saying it was part of therapy. He said it would help me to "get out there" in the dating world. I'm not sure how old Pdoc was. He was older than I. He was married, I was not married.

I'm still trying to figure this out.

Recently, I read an online article, "What Happens When You Want To F**k Your Patient And Other Confessions Of A Therapist." This is a less than scholarly article supposedly written by a "therapist" named "Anonymous." This "therapist" admits to having sex with a "former" patient...whom the "therapist" had know since the patient was a teenager....in the therapist's house- while therapist's children were asleep upstairs... It read more like a Penthouse article.

What struck me were these lines:

"But yes, it is difficult to deal with feelings of attraction towards a patient, especially when you are trying so hard to fight and deny them and remain professional. It compounds the difficulty when there is a connection with the patient, they are mutually attracted to and seducing you, or even in extreme cases when they idolize you, your work, or how you have helped them and they are fulfilling natural human ego needs in me. You have to remind yourself of your role, that their attraction/seduction may be part of a destructive or manipulative pattern of their behavior, ..."

I am asking myself- do I have a destructive or manipulative pattern of behavior? Have I been unconsciously sabotaging many of my T relationships? I have left many T relationships badly.
I have to wonder how much of these ruptures are my fault??

-sigh-
What Happens When You Want to **** Your Patient and Other Confessions of a Therapist

[nicoleflynn]

your former t CHOSE TO COMMit a crime against you. It had nothing to do with your behavior. Have you looked at the TELL websste? Extremely helpful.

[SabinaS]

oh, the author sounds a bit damaged; describing a patient's attraction/desire as destructive and manipulative. I wonder if part of his/her problem was feeling the need to fight and deny feelings... as though they are bad... and the patient's (and their own) desires are bad. They might have found it more useful to accept and think about the attraction and desire, perhaps they would have been less inclined to act on the feelings then.

It was not your fault, he took advantage of you, and by the sounds of it, manipulated you. It's perfectly normal (and often seen as positive) to develop loving feelings towards your T - A good T will be able to hold those feelings, without acting out.

[NowhereUSA]

I read that article. Honestly, I remember thinking, "This guy sounds predatory." And predators love to move the guilt off them and onto you.

It doesn't matter if you came in wearing a bikini and describing all the ways you wanted him, he had the responsibility to make sure you got the help you needed.

[Petra5ed]

I read that article too and the guy who wrote it was sick, having affairs and neatly justifying it, all with his ex client. Did you read the comments section? In some places that's a jail-able offense like rape, in almost everywhere that's enough to have his license removed. You summed it up best when you said it read like a Penthouse article. I wouldn't read that and think that he is the norm, or put serious thoughts to his opinions.

Do you have a destructive pattern? Honestly, maybe? I certainly have some destructive patterns, it is not uncommon. But would that be the reason why you were abused by your therapist, no, certainly not. Any number of other therapists could have been working with you who would have never abused you, because they aren't evil like that, because therapy is a vulnerable place where that is all too easy to do. I hope you talk about this with your current therapist because it sounds like you are still blaming yourself in a large part for your abuse.

[WrkNPrgress]

That article sounds like the equivalent of a rapist saying, "She was wearing a tight dress... so of course she wanted it."

The Psyche was wrong and abused you. I get the sense that abuse damaged you into believing that it was your fault or that your not worthy of a successfull therapy relationship.

If you think you have a pattern with sabotaging your therapy, you should discuss this with your current T.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

That article sounds like the equivalent of a rapist saying, "She was wearing a tight dress... so of course she wanted it."

The Psyche was wrong and abused you. I get the sense that abuse damaged you into believing that it was your fault or that your not worthy of a successfull therapy relationship.

If you think you have a pattern with sabotaging your therapy, you should discuss this with your current T.

Reading that article, I was like, "piiiiiish." Then I got to that section I quoted and it made me wonder. Sometimes I wonder, what is it about me that attracts these scummy predators or looney PDocs? I became very on guard after those two....and my tendency to distrust has ruptured a few professional relationships between me and the medical profession. When I worked, I worked in the medical profession...I don't know.

I like my current T. She knows all about my past. I have seen her a year and I feel she is genuine, caring and competent. Yet, we still run into instances when I wonder if I trust her at all? It sucks.

[frackfrackfrack]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Sometimes I wonder, what is it about me that attracts these scummy predators or looney PDocs?

I feel a bit like this sometimes - why do I attract predators. I think I have realized its not quite that I attract them - its that most other people have better defenses against them. Whereas I, maybe because of not feeling wanted by my mother, and wanting to please people, don't have good defenses and boundaries. It doesn't seem to matter to me that a person is such that most people would think he is a predator, I want to be close to him anyway.

Hope this makes some sense......

[unaluna]

For one thing, the therapist in the article was describing a gay affair - thats why the "confusing"pronouns - i mean, what woman gets tattooed all over? I mean, on average?

And that a patient has a destructive behavior pattern is something that the t observes and exactly what he tries to help the patient with. Its not something he is defenseless against, the poor guy so no, not your fault.

Being in t should be an opportunity for us to learn to speak up and practice not getting bowled over.

[growlycat]

I have come across that same article before and that T is an assclown of the highest order. He is shifting blame towards the patient to justify his lack of professionalism.

Even if a patient is "seducing" or "repeating a destructive pattern" it is a T's job to keep it all professional and within therapeutic boundaries.

There is a special place in hell for people like that "tell-all" T.