[seasonsofemotion]

I've been seeing my psychiatrist for about two years now for treatment of anxiety/panic disorder. When I first started seeing him, it was very professional and the visits were very short and to the point, only lasting long enough for him to ask the usual questions about how I'm feeling and how my meds are working. He'd write my prescription and get me out of the door.

In the last six or seven months I've developed a pretty big crush on him and the way he acts makes me wonder if it's requited. Truthfully, he's always been very nice, and there have been a few comments prior that made me wonder (for example, I was whining about weight gain from one of my medications and he told me that I'm beautiful). Of course I took the compliment with a smile (who wouldn't?) and chalked it up to kindness, even though it made my eyebrows crease when I'd think about it after. I hadn't experienced those sorts of comments from my previous psychiatrist. Or any doctor for that matter.

Our appointments started getting longer, (this past visit I was talking to him for forty-five minutes) and the conversations shifted from meds to hobbies and we started to get to know each other. He started initiating hugs, and at this point, I was already attracted to him, so the hug was more than welcome.

While asking Google how I should handle this affection for him (since I know it's unethical), I came across this site and the terms transference and countertransference. Now I'm confused? I'm not entirely sure that the crush I have on him is a result of redirected feelings and I wasn't aware that this happens so often?

So not only am I confused about his behavior toward me, I'm confused about my own feelings? I realize that those are just terms for feelings (right?) yet, I'm floored. I'm starting to wonder if my feelings are genuine. Well, of course they are- feelings are feelings. But...would I have the same feelings outside of that office? Is it always transference? Is transference just a word for feelings? Do I tell him? I mean, I've been dropping hints, but this was before I knew that having feelings for your psychiatrist was so common that it has a name!

[nicoleflynn]

transferene/countertransference; just fancy words for feelings......they are in most relationships (countertransfernce/transference). A t isn't supposed to initiate the hugs. I have loved me t for a long time and we discussed it. Sex in the Forbidden Zone by Peter Rutter is an excellent resource...it gives a "snapshot" of a t starting down the slippery slope; therre is a lot of information on the net regarding what a client t relationship is supposed to look like.

[genocya]

This is transference, but it's real your feelings! we don't know if we could develop these feelings of transference towards our therapists besides office, but this not means that your feelings are not ''genuine''.
What you have to do is to tell your psychiatristic your feelings for him (i know, it could be very difficult, but if your doctor is professional he will understand and help you to know more yourself and how you should work with these feelings) and not be scared about these feelings, because they are really normal and psychiatristics are very familiar with them.
If you are not very comfortable about telling him normal, you could write the details of your transference/feelings for him in a paper and you two could read in your session, or write him a email about them too.

I wish you good lucky and i'm sure your doctor will understand and care about your feelings!

[iheartjacques]

Oh boy. I wish you the best of luck. Been seeing mine for two years. And today I'm terrified.

[Ididitmyway]

First off, it's inappropriate for your psychiatrist to initiate hugs with you no matter what you want to call your feelings, transference or not. And, in general, it's inappropriate for him to interact with you in any other manner than a professional who is doing his work.

As far as transference is concerned, the fact that transference is present in every relationship doesn't make our feelings for our therapists exactly the same as the feelings we'd have for somebody else. When we meet people in regular life, we know much more about them then we will ever know about our therapists, assuming that the therapists don't cross the professional boundary with excessive self-disclosure. Therefore, your feelings for people outside of therapy settings are much more reality based whereas your feelings for your therapist are mostly fantasy-based. Feelings are real in both cases, but their foundation is different in each case. That's the difference between feelings towards therapists and towards other people we know. Therefore, the term transference is perfectly legitimate as it points out to that difference.

Specifically, to answer your question, yes, your feelings are real but they emerge from the unconscious wish to see your psychiatrist the way you want to see him, as opposed to seeing him as he really is, because there is no way for you to know who he really is. And you are correct that it's quite possible that you would not have the same feelings for him if he were not your therapist. If you just met him at some event or a party, may be you wouldn't even find him interesting.

Here is a post about transference that might be of interest to you Transference Dance In Therapy: What Is Transference? | Therapy Consumer Guide

[iheartjacques]

My T is frustrating. No outside of session contact. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero. No physical contact at all. But a smile makes me feel better so I'll take that. And the unconditional positive regard. Doesn't hurt that I thought wow when I saw him in the office before he called my name and I realized he was going to be my T.