[Soccer mom]

I'm curious....how much of ET happens in people who experienced CSA?

what is ET?

ETA: hang on just figured it out: erotic transference. doh.

[AllHeart]

What is CSA?

Thanks.

^ childhood sexual abuse

[buggles]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I'm curious....how much of ET happens in people who experienced CSA?

good question, i would say me definitely. Interested to see what other members say

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I'm curious....how much of ET happens in people who experienced CSA?

Wow! That would make all kinds of sense. Great, interesting question. My CSAbuser was male, my T is female so I can't answer.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I'm curious....how much of ET happens in people who experienced CSA?

Wow! That would make all kinds of sense. Great, interesting question. My CSAbuser was male, my T is female so I can't answer.

[WrkNPrgress]

I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people without CSA experience erotic transference as well. Something about the idea of connecting the two seems skewed to me but I can't put my finger on what it is.

I'm a lesbian and I only had a single incident of CSA from an older boy which I had the agency to put a stop to myself. I'm pretty sure my maternal / erotic transference issues are more about — well the typical stuff.

I guess just for me, personally speaking, I wouldn't assign my transference to CSA anymore than I would assign my sexual orientation to CSA. There's ways CSA might affect my sexual expression - or other issues - but it's not the root of anything.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I'm curious....how much of ET happens in people who experienced CSA?

I promise you that people without any sexual experience at all can get ET. I don't think it's related to CSA. There is an overlap, perhaps a correspondence, but I am willing to bet money that there is no causality.

[Soccer mom]

I have read that having ET is a way to avoid painful "stuff". But, I don't chose these feelings - they just happen. So, I mentioned this to my T. and she agreed that some people may have it to avoid other painful issues. I said well I guess that's not me because in no way would I have chosen ET. She said it's an unconscious choice. We've also talked about her belief that I had trauma as a child even though I don't remember it. Unless emotional neglect would fall in that category.

So, I was wondering what "trauma" could I have experienced and would it be related to ET. A man attemtped to molest me when I was around 14 but nothing happened.

I feel like my ET is mostly related to being emotionally close to my T. It happens when we talk about difficult subjects or we lock eyes (attunement, I guess). Just thinking out loud....

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

I have read that having ET is a way to avoid painful "stuff". But, I don't chose these feelings - they just happen. So, I mentioned this to my T. and she agreed that some people may have it to avoid other painful issues. I said well I guess that's not me because in no way would I have chosen ET. She said it's an unconscious choice. We've also talked about her belief that I had trauma as a child even though I don't remember it. Unless emotional neglect would fall in that category.

So, I was wondering what "trauma" could I have experienced and would it be related to ET. A man attemtped to molest me when I was around 14 but nothing happened.

I feel like my ET is mostly related to being emotionally close to my T. It happens when we talk about difficult subjects or we lock eyes (attunement, I guess). Just thinking out loud....

What you said seems similar to my experience--I had no experience of CSA or SA at any time in my life. I had a generally happy, stable childhood (though did have issues with OCD related to contamination and other things). Had some anxiety in adolescence that I think started when my mom had cancer (she survived, thankfully), and depression as a teen and young adult. Currently have panic disorder (doing much better though), generalized anxiety, a bit of OCD, and am (hopefully) coming out of a depressive episode.

I suspect some ET is just how our brains are wired. Or simply if our T is giving us something that someone else in our life isn't providing (at least not to the level we want)--like for me, my ET is for my marriage counselor (MC). I get empathy and understanding from him that I don't get from my husband. What you said about being emotionally close to the T, and especially the part with the eyes locking, just feeling that connection--that really resonates with me, because that's my experience too.

Before realizing I had the ET, I would tell my individual T (a woman--I do have a bit of maternal T with her, but no ET) that MC just made me feel "safe." Like made me feel safe talking about scary topics with him or with my husband in front of him. I could just look in his eyes and feel like everything was going to be OK. I don't get that feeling from my husband (and never really have). I have had it with a few exes, but those never worked out. OK, I'll stop rambling now!

[JustShakey]

In a word, no. I had ET with previous T, but no CSA history.
AFAIK ET has to do with missing some early nurturance. As far as using it to avoid things - well, the fantasies are a form of self-comfort, so yeah. It's a comforting distraction, and because you may have gotten used to comforting yourself with fantasies, rather than going to an unavailable adult as a young child, the choice is unconscious. You've been doing it so long you do it without thinking.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Gavinandnikki]

Massive ET ( as you know).

Zero csa.

My parents acted as if I could raise myself the second I came out of the womb. So... Anyone that would listen to me, seem genuinely interested in me , rinse and repeat.... I'm in love.

I don't really think CSA is one of the most common reasons. Other reasons:

-Baby feelings of excitement/stimulation can be felt as sexual excitement as an adult.
-Baby feelings of being loved, nurtured can express as sexual feelings as an adult
-Power dynamics in the relationship, like it can give a sense of control when feeling powerless; or sexuality is equated with power
-Unconscious attempts to destroy the therapy or therapist
-I tried to explain this twice, but can't seem to find the right words...the emotional part of your brain takes over and hypersexuality emerges and you can't regulate; it's like getting stuck in an 'impulse', almost like an OCD loop
-re-experiencing
-related to splitting or dissocation
-compulsion to reduce anxiety (much like overeating or drinking)
-faulty wiring/reward system issues in those with addictive brain chemistry where it provides a high
-sex associated with love unconsciously
-wiring from emotional deadness as a child, can turn to sensation seeking as an adult because of stimulus threshold
-aggression or fear manifests as sexual feelings (i think this is because it comes from the same brain pathways)
-emotional neglect (a recent example of this for me was developing sudden, intense sexual feelings coinciding with fantasies of wanting to take care of my therapist in the context of role reversal)

So it think there might be several things going on that explain why it happens in any given person at any given time: etiology, expression, unconscious emotional needs, neurobiology, etc.

I've experienced a lot of sexual feelings, off/on through my therapies, and for me, it's been related to the maternal feelings, emotional neglect, or excitement, but I've had many episodes of hypersexuality too. Just think of how comforted and soothed a baby might feel from physical sensations. There's the feeding with fluids and breasts and warmth and satiation. It's not difficult to imagine that sensuality, once experienced outside of the physical realm of full sexual development, now manifests as adult sexuality after puberty. I have a history of CSA, and I can't recall connecting my sexual feelings in therapy to that. Maybe it's there or it has happened, but i just can't remember right now.

I'm glad you asked this as i was just looking into this, obsessing over it a bit because recently, my libido suddenly fizzled then disappeared, and now I rarely have sexual feelings and am concerned. Did therapy ruin my sexuality?

We've also talked about her belief that I had trauma as a child even though I don't remember it. Unless emotional neglect would fall in that category.

Yes, emotional neglect (also physical) is a trauma. It can impact more than physical or sexual abuse depending on the degree or the person or other circumstances. Read about the babies in Romanian orphanages, who weren't abused, but suffered severe physical and emotional neglect. The research revealed a lot about how crucial nurturing is and has led to many changes.

[Virginia1991]

I would say no. I am not saying it doesn't have an impact but that would not be my first thought. Many things could contribute. I do believe that no nurturance or emotional connection to the primary caregiver when child is very young plays a significant role. Being very young during this trauma makes this hard to recall or put words to. I am significantly older then my sisters and I was able to witness my moms parenting in those first two years. She was not attuned to my sisters. She didn't hold them when they drank their bottle. There was minimal rocking or holding. No eye gazing, no connection, no warmth. And when we got older, no touching was really allowed. We have all had many traumas in our lives but this one........this particular trauma has done major damage to us, and this kind of abuse is hard to put into words. Maybe you experienced something similar soccer mom?

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

I don't really think CSA is one of the most common reasons. Other reasons:

-Baby feelings of excitement/stimulation can be felt as sexual excitement as an adult.
-Baby feelings of being loved, nurtured can express as sexual feelings as an adult
-Power dynamics in the relationship, like it can give a sense of control when feeling powerless; or sexuality is equated with power
-Unconscious attempts to destroy the therapy or therapist
-I tried to explain this twice, but can't seem to find the right words...the emotional part of your brain takes over and hypersexuality emerges and you can't regulate; it's like getting stuck in an 'impulse', almost like an OCD loop
-re-experiencing
-related to splitting or dissocation
-compulsion to reduce anxiety (much like overeating or drinking)
-faulty wiring/reward system issues in those with addictive brain chemistry where it provides a high
-sex associated with love unconsciously
-wiring from emotional deadness as a child, can turn to sensation seeking as an adult because of stimulus threshold
-aggression or fear manifests as sexual feelings (i think this is because it comes from the same brain pathways)
-emotional neglect (a recent example of this for me was developing sudden, intense sexual feelings coinciding with fantasies of wanting to take care of my therapist in the context of role reversal)

So it think there might be several things going on that explain why it happens in any given person at any given time: etiology, expression, unconscious emotional needs, neurobiology, etc.

I've experienced a lot of sexual feelings, off/on through my therapies, and for me, it's been related to the maternal feelings, emotional neglect, or excitement, but I've had many episodes of hypersexuality too. Just think of how comforted and soothed a baby might feel from physical sensations. There's the feeding with fluids and breasts and warmth and satiation. It's not difficult to imagine that sensuality, once experienced outside of the physical realm of full sexual development, now manifests as adult sexuality after puberty. I have a history of CSA, and I can't recall connecting my sexual feelings in therapy to that. Maybe it's there or it has happened, but i just can't remember right now.

I'm glad you asked this as i was just looking into this, obsessing over it a bit because recently, my libido suddenly fizzled then disappeared, and now I rarely have sexual feelings and am concerned. Did therapy ruin my sexuality?

Did you explore your ET with your therapist? I haven't been able to tell her details. So far I've told her that it started when my mom died (like the week before) and I had NO sexual thoughts whatsoever. I couldn't figure out why the arousal in my sessions was happening. I read that you should let your mind wander to see where it goes. So, I reluctantly did which was actually interesting. There's a theme that I've realized that would say a lot but that also means I have to say where my mind has gone.

It bothers me the most so I think "if I can figure out the ET and make it go away, then I can deal with my mom stuff". Although I guess it's all related. And, I get less triggered talking about the ET as difficult as it is.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by Virginia1991

I would say no. I am not saying it doesn't have an impact but that would not be my first thought. Many things could contribute. I do believe that no nurturance or emotional connection to the primary caregiver when child is very young plays a significant role. Being very young during this trauma makes this hard to recall or put words to. I am significantly older then my sisters and I was able to witness my moms parenting in those first two years. She was not attuned to my sisters. She didn't hold them when they drank their bottle. There was minimal rocking or holding. No eye gazing, no connection, no warmth. And when we got older, no touching was really allowed. We have all had many traumas in our lives but this one........this particular trauma has done major damage to us, and this kind of abuse is hard to put into words. Maybe you experienced something similar soccer mom?

Maybe....how do you ever figure it out when you were an only child? My dad isn't going to say my mom wasn't a good mom and he worked and came home stressed. My siblings are a lot older and always felt my mom treated me better. So, it's hard to ask them when they think I already got a better deal.

[Virginia1991]

[QUOTE=Soccer mom;4316007]Maybe....how do you ever figure it out when you were an only child? My dad isn't going to say my mom wasn't a good mom and he worked and came home stressed. My siblings are a lot older and always felt my mom treated me better. So, it's hard to ask them when they think I already got a better deal.[/

My t would say something along the lines of no matter what the cause......treatment is the same.....your feelings are still the same. We may never know the exact cause and that is ok because you feel the way you feel. Does that make sense? But, you are like me. We research everything. I google everything: "causes of et" "causes of maternal transference" "effects of no touch as a child" "attachment issues" "emotionally absent mother"

I could go on and on with all my googling but in the end does knowing the exact reason free us from anything? Our issues/symptoms are still there so can we just say something went terrible wrong with us?

[Soccer mom]

I dont have memories of my mom in the house where I was from about 3-7 years old. My older brother just sent me an email why. Basically emotionally abandoned and no touch or attention. It all makes sense now. Everything I've wanted from my T. I burst into tears reading it.

[Ididitmyway]

I believe that CSA can make ET more intense.

[justaname4me2]

God, i sincerely hope not.....

I've discussed it with my therapists a bit here and there. It always felt awkward. I also feel like I'm somehow 'intruding' on them when I bring it up. This is how I felt with both therapists, so I think that is coming from me, not them. Both have been very accepting about it, but my former therapist seemed, at times, to want to deflect from discussing it. There was a short period where he had sort of a 'crush' on me, so it might have been related to that.

I can totally see how this comes up for you in relation to the neglect you discovered. If it's that kind of ET, in all honesty, i'd just enjoy it. Much, or at least some of the time, there is really is no 'defense' involved; it's just feeling good being nurtured or attended to.

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

Did you explore your ET with your therapist? I haven't been able to tell her details. So far I've told her that it started when my mom died (like the week before) and I had NO sexual thoughts whatsoever. I couldn't figure out why the arousal in my sessions was happening. I read that you should let your mind wander to see where it goes. So, I reluctantly did which was actually interesting. There's a theme that I've realized that would say a lot but that also means I have to say where my mind has gone.

It bothers me the most so I think "if I can figure out the ET and make it go away, then I can deal with my mom stuff". Although I guess it's all related. And, I get less triggered talking about the ET as difficult as it is.

[Lauliza]

I don't think CSA in itself is a cause of transference. I think erotic transference generally arises when the T fulfills a need for intimacy that isn't being met elsewhere.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I don't think CSA in itself is a cause of transference. I think erotic transference generally arises when the T fulfills a need for intimacy that isn't being met elsewhere.

Agreed. Like if a T is meeting a need (say, empathy) that one's spouse or partner isn't fulfilling.