[wanderlust29]

I started seeing a therapist for the first time back in September 2014.

The very first time I saw her, I immediately thought she was hot. I instantly had a crush on her before I even talked to her and obviously those feelings have become more intense, almost a year into therapy. My question is, is this what they call transference? Because honestly I do not think of her as a mother figure - or whatever it is suppose to be a reflection of. It doesn't seem to effect therapy, in fact I am very focused on my problems during the session, but afterwards - I have all of these sexual fantasies about her and find myself thinking about her often and looking forward to my next visit more and more...and today I couldn't stop sneaking glances on her legs, she was wearing a dress with her legs crossed in a very tiny office. It also doesn't help that she is around the same age as me.

Anyway, am I supposed to tell her or is this just a silly crush I should ignore? We really don't talk about sex or anything like that so it seems out of place and completely off topic to just say that I like her, but I also don't want to lose her because she has helped me a lot. It's just driving me crazy. I have a girlfriend and she is straight and married, so I just feel bad.

[Petra5ed]

There are different definitions of transference depending on school of thought... I would ignore the term if I were you. A crush on a therapist is just that. It's very common. And whether you're single or not, as a human you're subject to feelings of sexual attraction. If it becomes an issue then by all means talk about it. It's hard to bring up!

[LonesomeTonight]

There can be erotic/romantic transference or maternal/paternal transference (or sometimes both at once or switching at varying times...been there...).

I agree with Petra that if it becomes an issue, like if you feel it may be interfering with your therapy, you should bring it up. If it's just fun fantasies, then enjoy them! But if, say, you can't focus on what you're discussing because you can't stop thinking about wanting to kiss her or start crying on your way home from therapy because you can't be with her (personal experience there for that one...), then I'd bring it up. It's hard and scary to discuss, but it can feel better having it out there.

[Tearinyourhand]

I wouldn't get bogged down on labels. they're just feelings, which are rich material for therapy. I tend to be of the mindset that it helps to table the feelings to focus on the work until the feelings become difficult to ignore. then bring them to session. it has worked really well for me and T. we talk about things fairly openly. T contains the feelings and keeps me safe and I feel freer to explore all the feelings that come up.