[I'mNotDonneYet]

during a difficult session, becoming very emotional while discussing with T why I am thinking of leaving DH, T takes both my hands in his and I don't have an urge to raise those hands to my lips.

(Maybe it only feels like "progress" because the thought of ending my relationship of 30 yrs is so devastating, I don't have much room for fantasies of T right now!)

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by I'mNotDonneYet

during a difficult session, becoming very emotional while discussing with T why I am thinking of leaving DH, T takes both my hands in his and I don't have an urge to raise those hands to my lips.

(Maybe it only feels like "progress" because the thought of ending my relationship of 30 yrs is so devastating, I don't have much room for fantasies of T right now!)

I hear ya! I ended my (abusive) marriage of 31 years...took all of the courage I had; 12 years after the divorce still with t (had feelings for him), but then he walked me through something unbelievable (my church voted me out o of membership; he supported me for those 18 months. That was a first; the first time anyone ever stood up for me.( If you would like to talk with someone who made that scary, scary decision, feel free to PM me. xoxo

[I'mNotDonneYet]

Nicoleflynn, thank you for your post - I have sent you a PM.

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by I'mNotDonneYet

Nicoleflynn, thank you for your post - I have sent you a PM.

I didn't see your PM? If you wish yu can e-mail me: carleton@oakland.edu hugs

[WrkNPrgress]

Congratulations, I'mNotDonneYet, on the feelings of progress. It is, I think progress to be able to acknowledge the feelings and desires and know you don't have to act on them or they don't have to interfere or control your progress.

And Nicoleflynn, congrats may not be the right word, but your progress and perseverance is inspiring to read about as well.

Is this a prompt thread? I have my own progress report, I think.

It's about my eye contact thing; T and I talked about it directly this past session after she prompted me to relax and just look at her.

I thought this was a follow up on my request (to make eye contact) from last session (because I hadn't looked at her the whole time and a felt rude about it). She said this was more because I had been touching and hiding my face and she was saying, 'Hi, it's okay'. She just wanted me to see that she was present, and "not going anywhere", etc. We talked about eye contact and being vulnerable in therapy but I also think there was an underlying acknowledgement of my own transference going on. I know from my own reading that touching ones' face is a sign of 'hiding', anxiety & vulnerability, but it's also a sign of attraction — so I'm pretty sure she's also picking up on my Transference and trying to diffuse it a bit.

And it worked. I could look at her and feel - in the room- at an even level. Just two people talking and all that. Good lord, that was nice. Just an invitation to gaze at each other for a split second without any baggage. I can't even... words.

[I'mNotDonneYet]

Originally Posted by WrkNPrgress

Congratulations, I'mNotDonneYet, on the feelings of progress. It is, I think progress to be able to acknowledge the feelings and desires and know you don't have to act on them or they don't have to interfere or control your progress.

And Nicoleflynn, congrats may not be the right word, but your progress and perseverance is inspiring to read about as well.

Is this a prompt thread? I have my own progress report, I think.

It's about my eye contact thing; T and I talked about it directly this past session after she prompted me to relax and just look at her.

I thought this was a follow up on my request (to make eye contact) from last session (because I hadn't looked at her the whole time and a felt rude about it). She said this was more because I had been touching and hiding my face and she was saying, 'Hi, it's okay'. She just wanted me to see that she was present, and "not going anywhere", etc. We talked about eye contact and being vulnerable in therapy but I also think there was an underlying acknowledgement of my own transference going on. I know from my own reading that touching ones' face is a sign of 'hiding', anxiety & vulnerability, but it's also a sign of attraction — so I'm pretty sure she's also picking up on my Transference and trying to diffuse it a bit.

And it worked. I could look at her and feel - in the room- at an even level. Just two people talking and all that. Good lord, that was nice. Just an invitation to gaze at each other for a split second without any baggage. I can't even... words.

WorkNProgress:

Congratulations to YOU for your progress! Me, not so much. It was fleeting at best, well, my progress with dealing with transference. I am making progress with my therapy.

I am back to not being able to stop thinking about T, wanting to bang my head against a wall to stop the incessant clamoring of his name through my mind. Like Viola's speech (as Cesario) to Olivia in Twelfth Night:

Halloo your name to the reverberate hills
And make the babbling gossip of the air
Cry out “Olivia!”

I have to stop myself from repeatedly saying his name out loud! and during last session when he again took both my hands in his, this time I did have the urge to raise them to my lips! (but of course not only did I not act on that, I didn't even ask myself "what would happen if I did that?" I KNOW what would happen - that would be the end of therapy with him.)

I did mention to him during this last session that transference was bothering me, and went on to say that I hope this pattern has similarities to what I have read about when it come to development in children (and have seen in my own kids) - that there is regression just before a great leap forward in development. So I am hopeful that this regression into consuming transference presages a great leap forward in the progress of my therapy - a breakthrough I pray?!!

I have even tried making the list of the ways we are different - I hate baseball caps and he wears one when outside (thank the lord he takes it off inside or I'd lose all respect for him); he loves dogs and I am definitely not a dog person (although I am trying to get myself to believe that I like it when his dogs greet me enthusiastically at the beginning of each session). Other than that, I can't come up with one darn thing .....even the fact that he is significantly older than me and has a chronic health condition that affect the quality his life and his life expectancy does not turn me off!

[I'mNotDonneYet]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I didn't see your PM? If you wish yu can e-mail me: carleton@oakland.edu hugs

Thank you nicoleflynn, I will try again - I actually sent you a "public" post (is that what they are called??) but will try again with a private one!

[blueblonde24]

He says "You're sexy". I laugh because I'm nervous. He repeats "No, really, I think you're sexy". And I've never felt sexier in my life.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by blueblonde24

He says "You're sexy". I laugh because I'm nervous. He repeats "No, really, I think you're sexy". And I've never felt sexier in my life.

Wait, your therapist actually said this to you?

[blueblonde24]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Wait, your therapist actually said this to you?

Yeah. It came as a surprise because during one of our previous sessions he told me that I had to be careful dating because a lot of guys just want to get a cute girl like me into bed but that he didn't feel that way about me.

[I'mNotDonneYet]

Originally Posted by I'mNotDonneYet

during a difficult session, becoming very emotional while discussing with T why I am thinking of leaving DH, T takes both my hands in his and I don't have an urge to raise those hands to my lips.

(Maybe it only feels like "progress" because the thought of ending my relationship of 30 yrs is so devastating, I don't have much room for fantasies of T right now!)

Maybe this is more progress?

I was in the grocery store today, grabbing a couple items for a quick lunch and using the self-service checkout. My mind was on a million different things, brought about by the fact that I am going on holidays tomorrow and I had SO MUCH TO DO before I could call it a day.

I saw out of the corner of my eye some scruffy old man shamble toward me, I was wondering "who IS this??" and then he spoke to me - my god it was T! He looked awful! And he was wearing some silly neon orange toque (aka stocking cap/beanie, depending on your country!) that did absolutely nothing for him! I was shocked into momentary silence. (although I hoped for a hug at our parting - and didn't get one!) Now I can't get that vision out of my mind, of my dear wonderful T, the man of my dreams, looking like he was only a step away from Skid Row! I wonder what the long term effect will be - will I daydream while on holidays about how much better my life would be if T were my lover or partner, and if he were on holidays with me? or will I come into better focus about transference? I have been hoarding Cheryl Rice's book on transference for the plane - I do hope it has some insight!