Working with another therapist to process feelings for main therapist

So... I’ve been seeing my therapist, "Cat," for about half a year. A few months ago, I realized that I have feelings for her (and at some point I told her). I generally am able to manage my feelings for her pretty well and don't feel that they significantly interfere with therapy. I think that Cat is an excellent therapist for me, I'm very grateful for the dynamic that we have, and I've been able to achieve certain things with her that I have not with other therapists.

However... I think my feelings for Cat have triggered certain issues (in regards to my sexuality, gender identity, and self-esteem), and I've noticed a direct correlation between how badly I'm feeling about myself and how bad I feel about my feelings for her. There are moments when I do struggle with a lot of guilt and shame. I would really like to be able to manage these feelings better because I do not want to completely switch to a new T and I do not think that it would currently be in my best interest.*

I've tried to be very mature and realistic about the situation, but I feel like I need some guidance dealing with certain aspects. Cat has been very kind and gracious about everything and I've talked to her about certain points, but I think it might be helpful (and less embarrassing) to talk in detail with someone that isn't Cat about Cat. Very shortly, I will be traveling back to the country that I used to live in (I'm just going for a 2 week visit), and I thought that it might be a good idea to meet with the therapist that I used to see over there and talk to her about my feelings.

I talked to Cat about me meeting with this therapist. She thinks it’s a good idea. I also talked to her about if somehow after the appointments with that therapist, I still feel like I need to temporarily meet with someone here in this country, how she would feel about it, and she agreed that would be fine. She also said that she understood if we took a break from seeing each other because of the financial expenses it would take to cover meeting with her and a new therapist at the same time.

Does anyone have experience working with a different therapist to help process/manage their feelings for their main therapist? I know this might sound a little complicated, but trust me, Cat is worth it.

*Of course, if at some point it seems that it truly would be best for me to start seeing a different therapist, I will try to be responsible and make the right choice, even if it is very painful for me. That being said, I've already seen a number of therapists over the years, and I think that finding the right one(s) can be a bit of a miserable process. Cat is too valuable to me as a therapist to lose her over this.

I had (still have a bit) transference with someone who is not a T but we had a kind of t-like relationship. When I entered a situation where I was seeing her all the time, it got so bad that I needed to see a T. It took a while but he helped me. As I said, I do slip back (she is still a part of my daily life), but things are much better after seeing T.

I think it's an excellent idea, especially as you've been so open about discussing it with your current T.

Hi Dear heart,
Just read your post.. I have posted in the pages, had transference, but think I got it again.. I got new therapist and had strong feelings for my last T, but I have not been able to talk to New therapist about it.. I would have liked too.. Also my new therapist knows my last t.. and only thing he said when I first saw him, was "did you stalk him?".. I nearly died with embarrasement!! I said noway.. did i stalk him, I sent him messages asking him to talk to me etc. thats all. Anyway, now last week, I had strong feelings for my New Therapist, who is helping me with my ocd.. that I had for years and years.. I am hoping i cope okay, when I see my new therapist. tommorowl. Best of luck to you, in your therapy, remember you are not alone.

I took a break from my T and met with a different T because my feelings towards T1 were becoming overwhelming and painful and he wasn't open to talking about it.
I found it incredibly useful, so useful in fact that after 4 months I decided not to go back to T1 but to continue with T2. I spent at least another 8 or 9 months working mostly through my feelings for T1, but I never regret the decision I made. It was the best thing for me.

So happy for you Echos Myron.. why cant they talk about it? its saying in all the information about therapy.. that is is completely normal to have feeling for your therapist.. its not fun for us, to be feeling like this is very embarasing, and painful.. I think its interesting, that that while you had a break you was able to see things more clearly. Good luck.. I am going to see therapist tomorrow, and not sure what |I will tell him. yet.. I am trying to protect myself.

He was uncomfortable with it, and I think it was that simple. He kept contradicting himself about whether he believed in transference and whether he saw any value in discussing my feelings. He said "I don't see any value in talking about those feelings in therapy" and the when I reminded him of that at termination he was like "well I think there's some value in it" but by that time it was too late, the damage was done and I was working through it with a better T.

Why was he uncomfortable with your feelings? I thought therapist see, transference happen alot of this time, with people's therapy? I told my Therapist, that I feel attached to him, and he didn't say anything.. so I not had chance to talk about it to him.. I called him yesterday, and he not replied, to my call, so I been thinking about him all today! and I need to be doing other things! I am gonna try again to talk about, why I am feelings this way. Glad your new therapist is helping you.

Some modalities don't work with transference, but he couldn't make his mind up so I think him saying there was no value in it was defensive rather than anything to do with his modality (I felt he was winging it a bit in terms of theory).
I think the reason he was uncomfortable was because of countertransference issues which he didn't admit to or deal with. This was confirmed to me when he contacted me out of the blue over a year after termination . All about his needs.

I really hope your T handles it well. There seems to be a real lack of consistency in the field. Wishing you luck

I totally do this.. I have an online therapist. actually her name is Kat.. and she helps me process my psychodynamic therapy with my male therapist, which is different for me. She totally encourages me in this. He doesn't know.. I also have a life coach too.. he doesn't know I have either but kat knows about both. Sometimes I feel bad I have 3 different modalities going on but it really helps and they are all totatlly different personalities and styles

When my ex T went on extended holiday, i saw another T specifically to talk abt what was going on with main T around transference, etc. I considered seeing him or another T for a while to cope with the overwhelm with main T. This reminds of the way people end up on an ever growing list of pharmaceuticals, with new ones added to deal with the ineffectiveness and side effects of the others. Not a good look for the therapy biz.