[Kated1984]

So the transference (mostly maternal transference) I was feeling towards (female) medic was really strong and even after contact stopped I felt it for a year afterwards. I did learn some good from it. Like she became a role model for how to handle my emotions and I think I emerged stronger. It's only been a couple of months since I stopped longing to see her and stopped feeling like she was a major part of my real life but I can feel these feelings coming on again, only this time its for a tutor (male) at my college. I've always admired him, in a way that I want to know what he knows and I want to be as good at our subject when I graduate and I've always wanted him to be pleased with my work but that was as far as it went until the last few days. He's a very private person that doesn't give anything away about himself to his students and I've never even seen him chatting to a student outside of a lecture around the campus!
Anyway I've had to go to his office a couple of times recently, just for dropping in work, picking up assignments that kind of thing and he's always really pleasant and interested in how I'm finding the course. Usually if I saw him outside of the office there would be no chance of such a convo until the last few weeks. He's smiled at me lots and made a bit of small talk and it's like its ignited something. I noticed a face he pulled the other day and it made my heart skip
The thing is I feel more worried about this because he's male and If this turns to erotic transference, I mean... it feels slightly sexual already.
I'm in a long term relationship (we've bought a house and have a child!) I felt slightly guilty about my infatuation (transference) with my medic but the guilt is huge with this one.

[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Kated1984

So the transference (mostly maternal transference) I was feeling towards (female) medic was really strong and even after contact stopped I felt it for a year afterwards. I did learn some good from it. Like she became a role model for how to handle my emotions and I think I emerged stronger. It's only been a couple of months since I stopped longing to see her and stopped feeling like she was a major part of my real life but I can feel these feelings coming on again, only this time its for a tutor (male) at my college. I've always admired him, in a way that I want to know what he knows and I want to be as good at our subject when I graduate and I've always wanted him to be pleased with my work but that was as far as it went until the last few days. He's a very private person that doesn't give anything away about himself to his students and I've never even seen him chatting to a student outside of a lecture around the campus!
Anyway I've had to go to his office a couple of times recently, just for dropping in work, picking up assignments that kind of thing and he's always really pleasant and interested in how I'm finding the course. Usually if I saw him outside of the office there would be no chance of such a convo until the last few weeks. He's smiled at me lots and made a bit of small talk and it's like its ignited something. I noticed a face he pulled the other day and it made my heart skip
The thing is I feel more worried about this because he's male and If this turns to erotic transference, I mean... it feels slightly sexual already.
I'm in a long term relationship (we've bought a house and have a child!) I felt slightly guilty about my infatuation (transference) with my medic but the guilt is huge with this one.

I'm just a bit confused, but it has nothing to do with you, your post or your situation. Was this medic you saw and had transference with your T? And this male tutor is not your T? Transference happens in a lot of our relationships...but infatuation with others can also occur without it being transference. The reason I bring this up is because transference, as it's spoken of on this forum, usually (almost always) refers to our transference with our T that occurs as the therapy relationship develops...and the T can experience countertransference.

Just my thoughts about what you might be experiencing. Please correct me if I don't understand your relationship with the medic or the tutor.

[Kated1984]

Originally Posted by UglyDucky

I'm just a bit confused, but it has nothing to do with you, your post or your situation. Was this medic you saw and had transference with your T? And this male tutor is not your T? Transference happens in a lot of our relationships...but infatuation with others can also occur without it being transference. The reason I bring this up is because transference, as it's spoken of on this forum, usually (almost always) refers to our transference with our T that occurs as the therapy relationship develops...and the T can experience countertransference.

Just my thoughts about what you might be experiencing. Please correct me if I don't understand your relationship with the medic or the tutor.

Yes the medic was like a therapist. She was involved in my anxiety treatment. But I'm so confused about my tutor. These crush like feelings came from no where but came after I got over the transference. Maybe I'm connecting the two when they aren't connected. I don't know.

It's quite normal to feel attraction to someone else when you are married or in a long term rel. I too had a crush on someone (a friend of ours) a few months ago, but when my T normalised the feelings and I began to lose the guilt, the intensity of the feelings diminished and now I just regard him (guilt free) as an attractive guy we know.
I agree with UD that this doesn't make it transference. Transference is usually the redirection of feelings originally felt for someone else, subconsciously putting someone in the role of someone from long ago. This sounds more like a crush to me, and is just a feeling. Quite normal.

[susan900]

Hi Folks, not sure any of you remember me! .. I had bad transference, in 2012. with my last therapist.. long story, bit it was horrible for me.. and now I been in therapy for my Ocd for one year.. and I had feelings for my new therapist yesterday! and he been really kind, he touched my hair to help me cope with my ocd. and he been so nice, but yesterday he was cross at me for not fighting my ocd more.. i been upset and called him today, and he never called back.. he usually does, i know he may be busy.. and I think i may be liking seeing him, cos he gives me attention ...so confused..

[susan900]

Originally Posted by susan900

Hi Folks, not sure any of you remember me! .. I had bad transference, in 2012. with my last therapist.. long story, bit it was horrible for me.. and now I been in therapy for my Ocd for one year.. and I had feelings for my new therapist yesterday! and he been really kind, he touched my hair to help me cope with my ocd. and he been so nice, but yesterday he was cross at me for not fighting my ocd more.. I been upset and called him today, and he never called back.. he usually does, i know he may be busy.. and I think i may be liking seeing him, cos he gives me attention ...so confused..

.....im thinking what will happen when he finished my therapy.. I not been good at overcoming my ocd.. i have done well in some stuff.. but I can't go through transference again... Also this therapist worked so well with me, last November he enabled me to remember something happened along ago.. (which triggered my Ocd)... which was sexual abuse, by my ex husband. I didnt understand it is still sexual abuse, if one is in a marriage to the abuser... was so awful. what happened then.. and was so embarrasisng talking to my therapist about it for weeks. but he is very kind.

[susan900]

Originally Posted by susan900

.....im thinking what will happen when he finished my therapy.. I not been good at overcoming my ocd.. i have done well in some stuff.. but I can't go through transference again... Also this therapist worked so well with me, last November he enabled me to remember something happened along ago.. (which triggered my Ocd)... which was sexual abuse, by my ex husband. I didnt understand it is still sexual abuse, if one is in a marriage to the abuser... was so awful. what happened then.. and was so embarrasisng talking to my therapist about it for weeks. but he is very kind.

Hey folks... i was hoping someone may comment on my post! haha.. thanks..

[susan900]

Originally Posted by susan900

Hey folks... i was hoping someone may comment on my post! haha.. thanks..

Also I done something stupid today! I sent my therapist a message in facebook.. and yeah he NOT replied.. what is wrong with me? I just said i called to at the office, and he didnt reply.. so I been worried that your cross at me! My daughter said.. Mom why does it matter to me so much..

[susan900]

Originally Posted by susan900

Also I done something stupid today! I sent my therapist a message in facebook.. and yeah he NOT replied.. what is wrong with me? I just said i called to at the office, and he didnt reply.. so I been worried that your cross at me! My daughter said.. Mom why does it matter to me so much..

I don't think anyone is reading my post... spoke to therapist other day.. on phone, I told him, I had been really upset when, you said.. i am not trying to get better from my Ocd. And I said, don't think you will understand, that I care what you think about me, he said talk to me when you come in (which is tomorrow) so Abit stressed, what to tell him, now.. feel not as attached at the moment to him, but was so afraid that he gonna abandon me, and not be helping me. Please folks, feel free to comment.. I would like your to hear your thoughts.! take care everyone.

[mf1438]

Originally Posted by Kated1984

So the transference (mostly maternal transference) I was feeling towards (female) medic was really strong and even after contact stopped I felt it for a year afterwards. I did learn some good from it. Like she became a role model for how to handle my emotions and I think I emerged stronger. It's only been a couple of months since I stopped longing to see her and stopped feeling like she was a major part of my real life but I can feel these feelings coming on again, only this time its for a tutor (male) at my college. I've always admired him, in a way that I want to know what he knows and I want to be as good at our subject when I graduate and I've always wanted him to be pleased with my work but that was as far as it went until the last few days. He's a very private person that doesn't give anything away about himself to his students and I've never even seen him chatting to a student outside of a lecture around the campus!
Anyway I've had to go to his office a couple of times recently, just for dropping in work, picking up assignments that kind of thing and he's always really pleasant and interested in how I'm finding the course. Usually if I saw him outside of the office there would be no chance of such a convo until the last few weeks. He's smiled at me lots and made a bit of small talk and it's like its ignited something. I noticed a face he pulled the other day and it made my heart skip
The thing is I feel more worried about this because he's male and If this turns to erotic transference, I mean... it feels slightly sexual already.
I'm in a long term relationship (we've bought a house and have a child!) I felt slightly guilty about my infatuation (transference) with my medic but the guilt is huge with this one.

I just finished reading a book "Boundaries" that provides a lot of good insight on how to manage relationships like this. In essence, you have to learn how to set limits on yourself and respect your own boundaries.

[susan900]

Thanks, sounds like A good book.. I went to see my therapist yesterday.. I was gonna talk about my feelings about him.. but I just said to him, cant tell you, cos you might laugh.. and he didnt say anything.. then It felt too late to talk about, its.. So hard to know, If A therapist is okay, with client sharing anything, like this.. I will try talk to him on the phone. next week. just want to know why I get so attached to therapist.