I have maternal transference with my therapist. I also have had sexual dreams and fantasies involving my therapist. I don't know if I have erotic transference or if there's just some confusion in my brain, but yeah.

Anyways.

I de used to finally come clean about this with my therapist. Also stating that there's been other women in my life that I've had maternal transference with the sexual stuff as well.

My therapists response has me pretty much confused.mfirst she said, "I feel compassion." Right after she stated, "I forgive you." I had felt so much shame admitting this to my therapist that I guess I was just relieved she wasn't angry at me. But now that a few sessions have passed I'm confused and kind of ticked off I guess? I guess I just don't really understand why she said she forgave me. I wasn't saying what I did for forgiveness. I was saying it to get it off my chest and I dunno I guess it feels like maybe she made the conversation about whatever was going through her mind?

And it's like now I don't even know how to talk I guess. It's like I'm afraid that whatever I say there is going to be some kind of judgment or " I forgive you". I'm kinda scared about being thought of as bad or wrong. Being forgiven means that you've done something wrong or bad. So I guess in a way she was saying that what I confessed was wrong and bad?

It doesn't help much that our relationship or whatever has been pretty rocky for quite a few months so I've already got all that swimming in my head. I've brought that up to her after she basically yelled at me after I asked her a question about if she knew what it was like to feel unwanted by her mother. It was supposed to be rhetorical, but then she launched in on me telling me about how her mom treats her and so forth. It was...not fun.

I don't know I'm just really confused...

In my view her response was totally inappropriate. She stepped away from her duty to be non-judgemental as her statement clearly implies she believes you have done something wrong in having those feelings.
Let me be clear - you have done nothing wrong. Feelings are feelings and we don't control them; you should be able to feel absolutely safe discussing them with your T. She has failed in her duty here and that's all her fault.
I'm also horrified to hear she launched into a tirade about her own mother when you asked a rhetorical question about being unwanted by her mother. It is her ethical responsibility to keep her crap out of your therapy and her actions are wholly inappropriate. She sounds incompetent, struggling with countertransference, and in need of her own therapy.
I would recommend seeking therapy elsewhere, if that feels like something you could do.

[thesnowqueen]

I agree with Echos Myron. Hugs.

[RedSun]

Woah. She forgave you? What for? You've actually been very brave and honest and in my opinion deserve commendation and praise for that, not blame for something.
It does sound confusing, and rocky. Agree with others, maybe time to go T shopping?

[cincidak]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

In my view her response was totally inappropriate. She stepped away from her duty to be non-judgemental as her statement clearly implies she believes you have done something wrong in having those feelings.
Let me be clear - you have done nothing wrong. Feelings are feelings and we don't control them; you should be able to feel absolutely safe discussing them with your T. She has failed in her duty here and that's all her fault.
I'm also horrified to hear she launched into a tirade about her own mother when you asked a rhetorical question about being unwanted by her mother. It is her ethical responsibility to keep her crap out of your therapy and her actions are wholly inappropriate. She sounds incompetent, struggling with countertransference, and in need of her own therapy.
I would recommend seeking therapy elsewhere, if that feels like something you could do.

I agree 120% Find another therapist

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[LonesomeTonight]

Also agree with the above posters. The "I forgive you" thing is weird. I mean, the only reason it might make sense is if you kept apologizing to her. But even then, she should have told you there's no need to apologize for your feelings. You should find a new T. I'm sorry.

[Ididitmyway]

That's awful! I am sorry you had to take this. "I forgive you" is a total empathy failure on her part and her yelling at you for just asking a question is inexcusable and completely unacceptable in therapy. I am really sorry but I have pretty strong opinion about therapists that do this type of things. I don't think they should be practicing.

[thesnowqueen]

In other words - run, don't walk -

Ididitmyway, the world needs people that HAVE strong feelings about exploitation and injustice. There is WAY too much apathy and telling victims to 'get over it.' (Or that's my take on it, anyway!) And as someone who has been a therapist you do have a certain authority on what's happening...

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

In other words - run, don't walk -

Ididitmyway, the world needs people that HAVE strong feelings about exploitation and injustice. There is WAY too much apathy and telling victims to 'get over it.' (Or that's my take on it, anyway!) And as someone who has been a therapist you do have a certain authority on what's happening...

Thanks. I agree that we have way too much apathy and indifference in this world and when we see the wrongdoing we need to speak up and not be afraid to sound too strong.

I understand that my opinions may have more weight because of my profession and I try to be mindful of that because I don't want to exercise any authority here since I don't operate in my professional capacity on this forum. My status here is the same as everyone else's except moderators. I consider my opinions as valid and important as everyone else's and, I hope, others will feel no pressure to accept anything I say just because I am a therapist.

I also agree with everyone else. Even the first note "I feel compassion" seems quite out of place relative to what you told her about. Of course it's hard to evaluate without the full picture. You mentioned that your relationship has been quite rocky lately -- perhaps her response was driven by something from that context. In any case, at the very least it sounds inappropriate and self absorbed. Same for her response to your rhetorical question. It sounds to me that she was not with you in these situations but instead, took a condescending position. I would not tolerate and would raise that with her at minimum.

[thesnowqueen]

Ididitmyway, thanks for your qualifications. By 'authority', I just meant that you have experience of being on both sides of the couch - which means a perspective that most of us lack.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

Ididitmyway, thanks for your qualifications. By 'authority', I just meant that you have experience of being on both sides of the couch - which means a perspective that most of us lack.

I see. Yes, in that sense I do have a unique perspective which, I hope, would benefit people.

[growlycat]

"I forgive you" raises bright red flags in my mind. Agreed that it is tainted with judgement, and shows her discomfort with same sex feelings. Her hangup, not yours. What kind of therapist is she? I'm so sorry this woman made you feel ashamed but you are experiencing something not only common in therapy, but well known among T's. It is just something that can happen in transference no matter what your orientation or identity is.

[BudFox]

Forgives you... that doesn't make any sense. She must be confused and not right in the head. If anything she should be asking for your forgiveness for subjecting you to transference and all the rest of it.

[Inner_Firefly]

When I read your T's response I totally yelled "WHAT????!" Her reply was really weird and confusing! Not what a good T should say, totally judgmental and self centered.