[Radiogirl16]

I have been seeing my psychiatrist for about 7 years and have developed a big crush on him over time. A few years ago I was separated and was online dating. I ended up finding him on the site as well and it made my feelings even bigger. Still, I managed to act appropriately and there were no issues.

I am back with my husband now but have still gone back on those sites once In a while, either just to look around or for an ego boost. While doing this I saw he was still active on the site. That's when I started snooping, or really stalking I guess. I made up a fake profile read his profile and even flirted with him. I have to admit it was exciting to be able to flirt with him -even if he didn't flirt back (and if he did, he wouldn't have been flirting with me). Aside from that I feel terribly guilty and ashamed of myself doing something so weird and creepy.

I have a real urge to come clean with him but am afraid to for obvious reasons. I think he is very kind and wouldn't shame me, but he still may feel uncomfortable I suppose may even terminate with me.

Would you tell him? I don't have a therapist currently- she left the practice. I really don't want to see a new T. I just don't have the time or energy to start over with a new therapist.

Why not just delete your account since you are back with your husband and don't need it anyway? That will stop any urge or ability to do that again. So long as you stop your behavior, I don't know that it is really all that necessary to tell him.

[Radiogirl16]

That's the hard part - My real account was deleted a couple of years ago. The one (s) I use now is fake, and I've deleted those too only to create another one. So I'm not using profiles to meet or even communicate with someone for real. It's all about him, I feel like I'm addicted.

In that case, yes, you might need to bring it up because in telling him, it might be all it takes to get you to stop doing it. If nothing else, he will be aware that he may need to leave that site.

[Ididitmyway]

Love for a therapist could and often does turn into addiction and it sounds like this is your case. Shaming yourself for having an addiction is unproductive. It won't solve the problem. Ideally, this should be worked out in therapy, but my experience with therapists and therapy made me skeptical of the chances of this type of problem getting solved, especially if the therapist is the object of addiction.

[therapyishelping777]

Maybe could you do online therapy with someone else who is more removed and less of a "threat " to work through this with. ? that way you could work through it but not have to tell the therapist you are attracted you? Just an idea.. I totally get the train of thought working through it directly with the therapist involved.. that sure would be a challenge.. maybe like an online therapist could help you work up to that and give ideas?

[Radiogirl16]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

Love for a therapist could and often does turn into addiction and it sounds like this is your case. Shaming yourself for having an addiction is unproductive. It won't solve the problem. Ideally, this should be worked out in therapy, but my experience with therapists and therapy made me skeptical of the chances of this type of problem getting solved, especially if the therapist is the object of addiction.

Thank you - that is exactly why I hesitate with being open about this with him. Ideally I think it is supposed to be addressed/resolved with the therapist in question. From what I've read and heard about other's experiences however, it seems like this is not what actually happens.

[WrkNPrgress]

I vote tell him. Get it out of the way.

You're continuing to behave in a way that is deceptive is adding your ongoing stress and self-loathing. You don't have to do that to yourself. You don't need to torture yourself with this 'vice' and talking about it is the one way to surely remove the stigma OR disillusion yourself of any ongoing underlying hopes and fears around his reaction.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by Radiogirl16

Thank you - that is exactly why I hesitate with being open about this with him. Ideally I think it is supposed to be addressed/resolved with the therapist in question. From what I've read and heard about other's experiences however, it seems like this is not what actually happens.

A lot of people here have reported negative reactions to their disclosing romantic feelings towards T. However, I'm not sure whether that is representative, or whether those who received a more helpful response simply don't need to discuss it further, on this kind of forum.

My vote would also be to raise this - though perhaps do so in stages in order to observe his reaction. Start off by mentioning dating sites... etc etc.

If he can't help you with this then it would seem that you need to find another T who can?

[thesnowqueen]

Another question is his role? Is he one of those psychiatrists that is really there to prescribe meds but chats to you for half an hour first? I'm not sure what their backgrounds are, or how equipped they are supposed to be to deal with this kind of thing...

[Radiogirl16]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

Another question is his role? Is he one of those psychiatrists that is really there to prescribe meds but chats to you for half an hour first? I'm not sure what their backgrounds are, or how equipped they are supposed to be to deal with this kind of thing...

His role is primarily med management along with discussing what's going on with me for 20 - 30 minutes. Nothing more intense than that - he will actually refer to a therapist if more is needed. So while I find talking to him valuable, he is not doing what most would consider psychotherapy. I understand the training is limited for the typical psychiatrist and I can see this in his case. I can tell he is gaining experience, but it's through interactions with his patients and not with additional training. My instinct tells me that if I start confessing and he suspects it's leading to a place that in his mind would give him reason to consider termination, he'll stop me from going further. I don't think this would be considered part of "the work" in his eyes.