[rolan86]

Hello,

So I have been lurking on this forum for a while even though I'm silent here. I can clearly see that I am not the only one here who has transference and attachment issues with T. I really need some help with this though. T didn't really want to discuss it the last time it came up, which was a little bothersome considering how much it troubles me, but in other sessions we discussed it and she reassured me it was ok and she understands. Still, it didn't help. I constantly fantasize about her, from erotic thoughts to just taking a walk with her and talking about life. I spend so much time waiting for emails from her that I know I won't get. I constantly recheck her website to see if she posted a new blog. It's addicting, and the more I do it, the worse I feel about myself. She has been an incredibly helpful T for me, but it's getting to the point where my attachment is affecting my life. It's as if she has become the most interesting thing in my life. Everything else, even the things I enjoy, just become dull. I compulsively read posts and articles about becoming friends with your T after termination and always feel disappointed. I groan and sigh every time I read "unprofessional" or "unethical" and cling to every comment I see that says something like "I don't see anything wrong with it", "as long as it's after 2 years", or "as long as it works for you". I so desperately want to ask T if we can be friends ever, but I am too petrified to ask. But still, I would rather the answer come from her than from what I read online. I want to tell her that I just can't accept the idea of growing attached to someone, having them tell you they care about you, but also to never contact them again. I want to tell her how that feels like a cruel joke. I want to tell her how because of this experience, I will always be afraid to go to therapy.

I am considering telling her I don't want to continue therapy with her, and want to do this in the most polite and respectful way possible. Yet there still is that annoying passive aggressive urge to want her to feel bad about me leaving, so she can maybe feel some of the rejection I feel. I almost want her to chase me to come back, because I want to feel wanted by her. Of course I want to keep seeing her and talking to her, but I see therapy now becoming about me just liking her. Even if I saw her for more years and grew even closer to her, if there is no therapeutic benefit what is the point? My transference troubles will become worse, and still, no matter how many years we work together and as close as we become, the answer will still be no we can never meet outside of therapy. I could be her client for 20 more years and the answer would still be no. I can't wrap my head around that no matter HOW many times I hear people say "professional" or "unethical". I want to puke over how insincere those words sounds.

One big thing I left out though. I will be moving shortly, so regardless of what I say, therapy will be ending soon. I just don't know what to make of these last sessions. I so badly want to keep in contact with her, but I don't know how to ask. Maybe even just a couple emails a year? I want to ask her what the point of a closing session would even be. Do we say we will miss each other? Do we hug? I don't see the point. If they truly don't want you to contact them again, I don't see why I shouldn't just try to erase them from my memory and disregard feeling any warmth for them. Why not skip the last sessions and get a head start on getting over T? Why would I pay for a final session that will only make me more miserable by making me miss them more? I am so confused right now, but now that hanging onto this attachment for T will make me even more depressed.

[wheeler]

Unfortunately, in my opinion, th only one at out, is through. I share your feelings regarding my T, both past and present T's. I'm hopeful that my current T will guide me through this.

[dtrain0802]

Originally Posted by rolan86

...It's as if she has become the most interesting thing in my life.

Is it safe to assume she's probably the most stable, healthy relationship you have in your life at the moment?

What else do you have going on in your life? What about work? Family? Friends?

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