[WrkNPrgress]

For those of you with romantic transference... when you really think hard about it, would you really want your T to pursue you?

It occurs to me that if my therapist actually told me she desired me, I would feel sick to my stomach over it. It would be a great disillusionment. It would be like the day my much older college professor cat-called me in the parking-lot. (Even though I had a crush on him, it was totally gross when he responded to it.)

I've thought it out, is this because I don't feel truly desirable to anyone? No. I don't think so. It's because it would change who my T is for me. It would be ultimately unprofessional and the reality of anything happening could never actually be a good thing. The reality would be a mess.

That being said, I still can't bring myself to talk to her about it because I am still afraid of feeling rejected on some level. I'll admit that. The fantasy is a nice pain-killer. I'm scared of the reality, even though I prefer it.

[frackfrackfrack]

Yes, I would want him to pursue me. I feel that just because he has a degree and is my therapist doesn't mean he's not a human being.

[Petra5ed]

So, I would have told you yes certainly I want him to pursue me, and even now sitting here I kinda think maybe I would want him to pursue me.... but there was one time we were in a session and he said to me over some hot eye contact "you're going to make me f*** you aren't you" and I thought oh my God, here we go! I thought he was coming on to me and I was immediately super turned on but also immediately terrified. It's a fantasy want, because in real life him sleeping with me would mean much more than in my fantasy. In real life it would mean he was taking advantage of me, and that's not a hot feeling, it's a scary one.

[Ladyp123]

Hmmm... Yes! I would want her to �� I Would take her old *** down�������� she's like mid 40's I like older people late 40's is my cut of haha. If she only knew! I'm a female with a female therapist. She complimented me last session she said she thought I had a beautiful smile it took everything inside of me to not compliment how beautiful I thought she was ect.������

For me it was and is a very predictable fantasy that is more interesting/intense at times and less so other times. I would not want him to pursue me in reality, I want him to be my therapist as he is. And I am very glad that he does not and sees the whole thing like myself. I did not always feel the same way about ET though... I had a long history of it with teachers and mentors, also acted out a few times. At this point the fantasy still occurs but no real desire to act on it other than in my mind and discussion.

[junkDNA]

my T did pursue me and i am still suffering the effects of engaging in a sexual relationship with him 6 years later. having the fantasy is fine but im here to tell people who think this is a good idea, will work out, everyones "human", etc that most of the time it DOES NOT work out, and is extremely painful for the client. ANY therapist that engages in a sexual relationship with a client is a predator, taking advantage of people, has no morals, and is dangerous. like i said its fine to have the fantasy. when fantasies actually happen in real life... its no longer a fantasy. its a reality and the reality it is is dark and sad... and extremely damaging

[Ladyp123]

Originally Posted by junkDNA

my T did pursue me and i am still suffering the effects of engaging in a sexual relationship with him 6 years later. having the fantasy is fine but im here to tell people who think this is a good idea, will work out, everyones "human", etc that most of the time it DOES NOT work out, and is extremely painful for the client. ANY therapist that engages in a sexual relationship with a client is a predator, taking advantage of people, has no morals, and is dangerous. like i said its fine to have the fantasy. when fantasies actually happen in real life... its no longer a fantasy. its a reality and the reality it is is dark and sad... and extremely damaging

Sorry that happened to you... So your T came on to you 1st? Wow but like posted above I will take that chance and risk of it ever came my way my T is beautiful and with a beautiful mind and soul.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Ladyp123

Sorry that happened to you... So your T came on to you 1st? Wow but like posted above I will take that chance and risk of it ever came my way my T is beautiful and with a beautiful mind and soul.

Yes. Well I hope the chance never comes for you

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[Service Cat]

I would be disillusioned too. Any T who flirted with me as a patient would have to lose something in my estimation of her. Unless she could come up with a good reason for us to date I guess.

Mms what an interesting thread. I never really thought about this until recently. It's not that my t is perusing me but she has crossed my boundaries and it feels weird. I often fantasise about us running away together but it's a fantasy so it's safe. T crossing my boundaries does not feel safe and I feel abused almost

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[nicoleflynn]

My t pursued me...flirting, sexual innendos,etc. I am trying to find the courage to confront him; I have a list of what he said and did if anyone is interested, you can pm me.

[Jessica Hazlitt]

In an alternate universe in which we are both single, and assuming he is the same person 'off the clock'..... then yeah. I can't imagine how our paths would have crossed in the wild though.

[runlola72]

I think no, I would not want anything to happen. I have important stuff to work on and that would derail everything. That said, if he made a pass, it would be really hard for me to resist. But fortunately I know that won't happen.

[LoveTherapist]

I'd like to do some exploring
Like touching, and light flirting, communicating outside of therapy, etc
Small things that give you the butterflies and not things that send you running for the hills

[TishaBuv]

If they pursued me after I confided all my stuff to them as a therapist, that would be weird. Plus, it would be unequal. Would they then confide all their stuff in me? Would the therapist/client dynamic then reverse and now I am the therapist? Do we play doctor?

Plus, it would be a drag to always be with someone who is watching your behavior and analyzing. Could I let my hair down and be wild with him sometimes? What are they really like outside of the therapy setting? Maybe they are even more dysfunctional than me!

Say you find out something crazy about them, then you think 'and I have been looking to you to help me?'.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Plus, it would be a drag to always be with someone who is watching your behavior and analyzing. Could I let my hair down and be wild with him sometimes?

Speaking as one who has dated someone who works in the field of psychology, yes— they analyze and they will use 'therapy talk' when they need it. It can be infuriating. This may not be true of all psychologist but the one I dated certainly did use the office skills to manipulate me when she was feeling upset.

In short, no, they don't turn it off in their everyday life.

[Aardwolf]

To say the least... I place full trust in mine, mostly to the fact that mine (as far as I can tell) is impartial and I know does not judge me. Having an emotional connection with them would ruin it, and scare me.

Nope, nope, nope *insert nope badger .gif*

[t0rtureds0ul]

If my T was normal, with perhaps the odd kink here or there, then yes - I think I might want him to persue me. But he isnt normal, hes scary and obsessive. So any 'yes's' are most definitely kept in fantasy world- I would much rather he didnt hit on me.

[Pretty.Vacant]

Originally Posted by LoveTherapist

I'd like to do some exploring
Like touching, and light flirting, communicating outside of therapy, etc
Small things that give you the butterflies and not things that send you running for the hills

Exploring. heh heh.

[Pain94]

I am not judging anyone but I promise you, you do not want your therapist to pursue you in a sexual way. For one a loving person pursues their interest in a purely non sexual way. How could you ever trust a T that takes advantage of your vulnerability. I could care less if you think you want it, the T has the sole responsibility of making sure this does not happen.

How do I know? Trigger Warning...

My former T sexually used me as well as many other clients. I am still struggling with the out fall. Please take care of yourself but dont pursue this@!

[Sadness2008]

I think it depends on how they offer the sex for a lot of people, however i would most likely want my therapist to pursue me.

I fantasize about being seduced by her often so that would be how I'd want her to pursue me. There would have to be warm and comfortable atmosphere. I'd basically want her to make me feel as safe and relaxed as possible. Then she could seduce me with a kiss or whatever. Then things could move along from there. I would definitely accept her advances if this was happening.

[neodoering]

My psychiatrist is a young and pretty female, and yes, I'd like to ride her like the fine little pony she is. But she is married, so that will not work out. Still, it makes a wonderful fantasy, and from time to time I indulge myself. In person, it's strictly professional

[Pain94]

Fantasies are one thing? But reality will destroy you!

[precaryous]

My T pursued me and I'm, also, dealing with the damage more than twenty years later.
He should have been working with me about my naive and trusting personality. He exploited me, emotionally, financially, physically and sexually, instead.

You may think everyone's human or we're both adults..but he took all the private things he knew about me and used it to manipulate me.

I didn't even know, for instance, what he was doing is a felony in the state we were in. Would you want a t willing to commit a felony? He was married but tried to get me to believe they were broken up. Would you want a relationship with someone who was eager to cheat on his partner?

Afterwards, he stopped the intimacies yet wanted to remain my psychiatrist. He never explained himself. All the subsequent sessions turned into me asking what did I do wrong? If intimacy was a such good idea before, why did he stop? Subsequent sessions were all about my confusion about our intimate relationship and never again about what brought me to therapy in the first place. Also, I didn't feel able to confide in him about psychiatric issues like dissociation or self harm because I was afraid I would make myself more undesirable to him. Therapy stopped.

Afterwards he became paranoid, afraid I would tell. He tried to refer me to a neurologist. I wouldn't go. I think he was setting me up to commit me. Who would believe a mental health patient? Eventually I discovered he did this to other clients. A year to the month after our intimate relationship occurred I read in the paper he was arrested for something similar with a 19 year old client.

Up until then, I wasn't sure if he was good man who had just made a mistake with me. I found out there were six other clients who came forward. I realized I was being exploited and I sued. Litigation was another several layers of trauma. I'm not through sorting it all out yet.

I agree with JD, therapists like this are predators...they are worse than predators. If he wanted to have an affair he should have chosen a colleague, a waitress, a neighbor. Why choose a patient? Why choose me?

I hope this never happens to any of you.

[Mike_J]

I would only want her to pursue me if there was at least the possibility of a very long term relationship. Heck I would marry her tomorrow (even today) if given the chance, but I wouldn't have a "fling" with her, that would only end in devastation.