[hislua]

has anyone on here ever been in complete denial about their relationship with T being unhealthy and ineffective?

it's strange - i've sat here for months reading posts upon posts about people's stories with exploitation and i've thought that i was awful. i'd want anyone being abused (emotionally, sexually, etc) by a T to get out of the situation immediately. yet, i've been told (and i kind of know) that my relationship with T is...not okay. there's a lot of boundary crossing and unethical behavior, but T just says that's "his style" and "going by the book isn't always the best approach". i know that's bull**** but i also know that he really believes it. he's done a lot that people around me label as bad - telling me about his marriage troubles, his slight despair that his wife is pregnant again, his work-related issues, and vaguely about his past sex life. so yeah, a lot of talking about himself. he's also said he loved me. and did i mention i'm still a kid?

but i don't care. kind of. i guess i just don't want to believe it's bad. because i love him. he's the only man i've ever felt close to and been able to trust. i was hurt by adult men when i was younger and left in the dust. i feel like he would never do that. i know that sounds really dumb and that you're probably thinking "GET OUT NOW!" because of all of the clear warning signs but i just can't grasp that it's bad. i always end up telling myself "he's different" and "not like the rest".

what's wrong with me? why can't i come to terms with reality? why can't i see the facts out on the table and act appropriately (meaning leave him)?

Yes I have been in denial about bad therapy before. It is a lot to expect of a young person like yourself to take the initiative and get yourself out of an unhealthy situation. That you're even aware of how unethical your therapist has been shows that you are smart and mature. When I was your age I was in an abusive relationship and I had no inkling about how to protect myself or that I should get away.
As you probably expect, I would urge you to tell somebody (like a parent, or his boss) about your therapist's behaviour and/or leave. I think it would be wise to treat your awareness as a gift, and utilise that.
That's not to say it will be easy. I left a bad therapist I thought I loved and it was very painful. It took a long time for me to accept the loss and to move on in terms of therapy. I'm now just as attached to an ethical therapist, so it has been possible for me to recognise these feelings as having a lot to do with my patterns of attachment.
I wish you well.

[Moment]

I completely agree with Echos. I think you have to consider whether this is a pattern of relationships for you -- and a pattern that it would be healthy for you to break. I wonder if you somehow think you do not deserve better care (you do). Or if you think you have to accept unacceptable behavior to get love (you don't). Or if you think it's not possible to find someone to love who would follow the rules and appropriately prioritize your needs (such people do, in fact, exist).

[BlueJeans00]

Wow what you going through sounds awfully confusing.
But ask yourself this question is it really going to help you in the long run in the schemes of all things?
You mentioned how you been with older men and they've left you in the dust, don't you think this could be another repeated cycle?
I would highly recommend to seek an second opinion of another therapist.

[AllHeart]

If you are able to, consider seeing another therapist with healthy, safe boundaries that can show you how good therapy is supposed to work. This can help to gently guide you out of your current unhealthy situation and help you to understand why you are caught in it.

I am just coming out of 2.75 year unethical turned emotionally abusive relationship with my old t (it was non-sexual). I knew it was wrong for the longest time but I chose to stay in denial because of the love. In my case, the excessive self-disclosures from my old t set the stage for me to take pity upon her, and also made me feel special (among other things she did) so that I became "hooked" on her. It helped create a sense of loyalty. So by the time my old t started to turn the tables on me, I was in over my head.

Because your t admits to "not going by the book," he is aware he is violating your boundaries. He is not upholding safe, healthy boundaries to keep you emotionally safe because he can't. He's not well. If he were well he wouldn't be unloading his personal problems onto any client, let alone a kid client. So he is only thinking of fulfilling his own needs. He probably isn't doing this on purpose but he is doing it nonetheless. It isn't fair and it is very harmful, with the potential to get worse.

People with childhood trauma backgrounds are typically more vulnerable for someone like this to to latch onto because having healthy personal boundaries is something we don't really understand. You will need help getting out of this situation. I hope you can find another understanding therapist to help you escape. It will take time but it can be done.