[UglyDucky]

I've been reading all of the stories of posters experiencing ET via verbal suggestion (talking about an unrelated sexual issue, T needing clarification, etc.) and this question arose in my mind. (I'm experiencing ET with my T now)

If a client feels serious erotic transference for their T, does anyone think the client can simply stop feeling those erotic feelings or having the fantasies? It doesn't seem possible to me, esp. without the T's help to work them through to find the root of the ET. However, I grew up with parents who told me to "just stop feeling that way." (A variance of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps)

I'm interested in getting opinions about whether or not we can apply mind (intellect) over mind (feelings) at any level, concerning any feelings - sexual, anger, hate, shame, etc., and why not, if you have opinions on that, too.

[snowangel17]

I had ET for my T but haven't experienced it in over a month I keep expecting it to resurface as although I've brought it up in session I don't think we've got to the root of it by any means. I keep thinking it is just a lull and that it will come back soon, but for now, I would say that it has stopped and I'm not really sure why. I still have intense loving feelings towards my T but would not classify them as ET. We did have a small rupture a while back so I'm wondering if that is the reason for the change.

IMO I don't think we can apply intellect over feelings....We can't control how we feel by applying logic although I wish we could. For me, If I had to take a quick guess I think perhaps there are some underlying/unresolved feelings still present from my rupture with T (although intellectually I'm adamant that there isn't). If this is the case then these feelings may have impacted the ET I felt towards him ....but...... Then again who knows whats happening... certainly not me! Maybe they will resurface again in a few weeks

[Calilady]

Deleted.

I tried to "just stop" having the thoughts and feelings and it didn't work. For me, it's like telling myself "don't think of a pink elephant"...poof i just do.

What I'm trying new is to redirect the fantasies eg by changing them to fantasies of my partner.

[unaluna]

No, im a "go with the fantasy" kinda person, because a fantasy might tell you something about yourself. Like i fantasized my t coming to sunday family dinner with me and defending me. What?! Why do i need defending? Whats going on? I wasnt really conscious before that of feeling attacked by my family. So a fantasy can serve a purpose.

I had ET, and attempted to fantasize about it, but couldn't get myself to. For me it was this incredible physical feeling and a need to engulf (for lack of a better word) my therapist. ET arose midway through my therapy journey, when I was away from her. We did touch in therapy but when we embraced there were no feelings whatsoever of erotic transference and I don't really know why this was. But, my guess is because maternal love and adult love are the same hormone. After admitting ET to my therapist (more like her pulling it out of me) in a somewhat intimate embrace, she wouldn't/didn't physically release me because she knew I would walk away feeling shamed. She let me down gently - she was not gay (neither am I, and it's her responsibility to maintain boundaries. The ET disappeared at that moment. It was a big physical release. I grew out of attachment therapy fairly quickly after that. I asked her at one point if she knew what I wanted to tell her and she said yes. I am grateful that she didn't make me feel dirty or shameful about my feeling. Today, I often wonder what that is all about, because in real life she is not someone I would remotely be attracted to in real life - male or female. I love the lady like a big sister.

[UglyDucky]

Thanks to everyone who has responded thus far...I'm learning a lot.

Unaluna: You made a particularly good point. By telling Ts what we feel, it gives them an idea of what we need (even though it might embarrass us to be specific). This is one reason I don't think trying to not feel the emotion doesn't work....

QuietMind: Exactly.

[StickyTwig]

My strategy of getting rid of strong feelings is by doing something productive like tidying up. I think the idea is that whatever feeling you want rid of is replaced by the pride and satisfaction of having achieved something, and that also you switch over to a more practical part of your brain.

I will also say that a good way for me to get rid of ET is to just tell the T in as much detail as necessary. Mine seems vaguely mystified by it (not in a bad incompetent way or anything, but yeah) and that alone acts like a big bucket of cold water thrown all over me.

[TeaVicar?]

I tried to push the fantasies away. I stopped fantasising but the pain and longing came back big time... so did the ET. It seems the best way through it is to talk about it, I'm not so good at that bit.