[tabhady]

Let me start by saying I think in most cases it is a good idea to talk to my therapist about any feelings I have toward him, anger or disappointment for example.

Recently I started having intense sexual thoughts about my therapist. It's not romantic at all, purely sexual. Before this I saw him as fatherly.

I'm not sure about bringing this up with him mainly because I'm only 18 and he is 30-40ish. We haven't talked about sex at all or even my dating life (I don't have one hah). It just seems inappropriate to have this conversation with him? I don't want to risk losing him as a therapist because I unwillingly crossed the line (in my thoughts only, I don't "actually " want to have sex with him).

Usually we are very playful. He asked me once if that is how I flirt, but it's not. I'm like that with my grandparents and everyone. I like to joke around a lot and it's been difficult recently because I feel guilty for imaging him in a sexual way. He noticed and asked if I'm ok or upset with him? I lied and said I'm just tired.

Would you talk to him or hope it goes away? Does anyone have experience with this happening with this kind of age gap? He mainly works with ages 13-19 if that matters.

[coolibrarian]

Talk to him about it. If it's on your mind, it's a good idea to talk about it. If you lose him as a therapist as a result of this, then he's not the right T for you.

[magicalprince]

Mmmm.. gut feeling is that it sounds a little sketchy, not from your end but from his. It's not your responsibility to hold back about these topics but maybe the fact that he is getting emotionally involved is making you afraid of a potential negative reaction from him.

[Bluebellacotta]

When he said is that how you flirt - what was his tone like and his face?

[tabhady]

Why? It was friendly I guess? I think he was smiling because I had just called him out about a hilariously stereotypical male phrase. I just included that information to show how we usually interact. If you're asking if there is something going on for him it's probably a big no! I think when he asked about the flirting it was in the context of how I interact with people.

[tabhady]

Just FYI for anyone who reads this later. I spoke with him about it on Friday. He said it happens often for people with histories similar to mine. The biggest concern for him would be if I started making direct come ons or being inappropriate in session and that would result in referral to someone else. He wants to take a wait and see approach and see how things are in a few more weeks, but in the meantime don't feel guilty or try to make the feelings go away. I'm not very happy with the answer, I thought he might have more to say, but maybe he will have something more next week. I told him right at the end of session and we were a little rushed because I'm the last appointment of the day and he had to leave right on time to pick up his daughter from daycare.