[StupidityTries]

I’ve been dealing with erotic transference issues with my T for about three months. It’s been an up and down experience. I began noticing countertransference from her nearly from the start, but when I raised it with her (we discuss my transference openly) she became a combination of stonewalling and denying, almost to the point of gaslighting me by denying things I know she said.

Anyway, the twisted thing about it is that her behavior is eliciting fantasies that she’s manipulating me — and these fantasies are a major turn on. I feel like I’m falling very deeply down a rabbit hole and worry about what she might do with the power she has over me. She’s already demanded that I quit my group therapy because she didn’t like the competition with the group therapist. Where will she go next?

[nicoleflynn]

A therapist should not be making demands.

[TeaVicar?]

Nicole is right, your therapist shouldn't be making demands or even giving you advice really. The whole point of therapy is to encourage you to develop your own autonomy and make your own decisions. Perhaps group therapy and individual therapy are conflicting each other and your healing... i.e. if one was CBT and the other was an analytical depth type therapy, but ultimately it's your decision.

She sounds a bit defensive and wrapped up in the transference. Does she have supervision? What type of therapy does she practice? Generally speaking, a therapist isn't going to admit to erotic countertransference feelings but she should be open to discussing your concerns around it. So you're having sadomasochistic fantasies about her and the relationship? This is perfectly normal, especially given the power differential within the relationship. This is something you probably should discuss with her, especially if it's a typical relationship pattern/fantasy. Maybe you could start documenting her responses, so you have a record for yourself.

[StupidityTries]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

Nicole is right, your therapist shouldn't be making demands or even giving you advice really. The whole point of therapy is to encourage you to develop your own autonomy and make your own decisions. Perhaps group therapy and individual therapy are conflicting each other and your healing... i.e. if one was CBT and the other was an analytical depth type therapy, but ultimately it's your decision.

She sounds a bit defensive and wrapped up in the transference. Does she have supervision? What type of therapy does she practice? Generally speaking, a therapist isn't going to admit to erotic countertransference feelings but she should be open to discussing your concerns around it. So you're having sadomasochistic fantasies about her and the relationship? This is perfectly normal, especially given the power differential within the relationship. This is something you probably should discuss with her, especially if it's a typical relationship pattern/fantasy. Maybe you could start documenting her responses, so you have a record for yourself.

Both the individual and group therapies are psychodynamic. My therapist gives a TON of advice. Some sessions sound like lectures. The problems in our alliance started to crop up when I pointed out what I perceived to be countertransference. Example: I had a long, strange business trip to San Diego that included a theft of my hotel room. In recounting just how bizarre the whole experience was, I brought up an incident where a young woman tried very aggressively to pick me up. It seemed very relevant to me because I wondered if that incident and the theft might be related. My T got an angry look on her face and interjected “why are you telling me this?” When I pointed out in a later session that this seemed like countertransference to me, she said she didn’t remember saying it. It was shortly thereafter that she started to blame my group therapist for the recent friction in our relationship.

[StupidityTries]

Update: my T dropped me today, said her supervisor didn’t think she had enough experience to deal with such a thorny transference situation. Could this have come at a worse time? How am I supposed to find a new therapist now to help me deal with this?

[feileacan]

What? A psychodynamic therapist dropping a patient because of transference-countertransference? That doesn't make any sense.

Transference and countertransference are the main tools for a psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapist and a proper therapist is rigorously trained to use these tools. It's like I would say that I am a cook but then it turns out that I actually have to cook something and then I call it quits because it's too difficult.

What was her education again?

[StupidityTries]

Originally Posted by feileacan

What? A psychodynamic therapist dropping a patient because of transference-countertransference? That doesn't make any sense.

Transference and countertransference are the main tools for a psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapist and a proper therapist is rigorously trained to use these tools. It's like I would say that I am a cook but then it turns out that I actually have to cook something and then I call it quits because it's too difficult.

What was her education again?

Masters from Northwestern, at least she claims. She’s practicing with a provisional license, requiring supervision, which she did not disclose until our final session. She was granted that license only a month before we started working, which doesn’t jibe with how she’s described her practice throughout. The situation was complicated by the presence of another therapist who I saw for group sessions. My primary T said there was triangulation happening with me — almost certainly true, but that’s just more grist for the mill, it seems to me. She demanded I leave the group. I did, but she fired me anyway.

Theory: the group T discovered something fraudulent about her (or she feared this discovery) so she dropped me out of fear. Counter theory: she didn’t think she could prevent herself from crossing boundaries with me, which was especially dangerous given her license status. Second counter theory: while she felt capable of handling the situation, her supervisor, who owns the practice, freaked out and overreacted.

[feileacan]

So, if she doesn't have any specific postgraduate training in psychodynamic therapy (requiring at least 3 years after post-licensure) then she is not a psychodynamic therapist. She might be interested in psychodynamics but that's it.

In order to become a proper psychodynamic therapist who actually knows what she does, she needs to go through, as I wrote, additional dedicated training in psychodynamic psychotherapy, which typically lasts at least 3-4 years and that in addition to theoretical studies also involves her own personal therapy for several year and doing study cases under the supervision of an experienced psychodynamic therapist.

Based on what you wrote, she is just a beginner master's level therapist who has no expertise what so ever in psychodynamics. No wonder she failed so miserably.

[StupidityTries]

Originally Posted by feileacan

So, if she doesn't have any specific postgraduate training in psychodynamic therapy (requiring at least 3 years after post-licensure) then she is not a psychodynamic therapist. She might be interested in psychodynamics but that's it.

In order to become a proper psychodynamic therapist who actually knows what she does, she needs to go through, as I wrote, additional dedicated training in psychodynamic psychotherapy, which typically lasts at least 3-4 years and that in addition to theoretical studies also involves her own personal therapy for several year and doing study cases under the supervision of an experienced psychodynamic therapist.

Based on what you wrote, she is just a beginner master's level therapist who has no expertise what so ever in psychodynamics. No wonder she failed so miserably.

Thank you for this, it really helps frame the experience for me. I’m a few weeks removed from it now, and it all just seems like a bizarre nightmare to me that descriptions alone cannot do justice to, because the feelings evoked were so overwhelming.