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Old 07-07-2021, 08:13 AM   #1
VillanelleArcher
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Trig I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

I'm going to be straight to the point: I'm a lesbian who's incredibly attracted to my therapist, and I haven't disclosed this to her yet. It didn't bother me.

Last session I took a few pills of Phenibut to make me more talkative for the second time, and I think it had something to do with my reaction. For the last 20 minutes of the session, we were very physically close and almost touching. I asked to see her hand, she showed me her arms, and I traced the spots on her skin from afar, and commented on them.

I said she was skinny and she said "Not that much" and laughed, I said she was very pale and asked if her surname was hers or her husband's, she said it was hers and then started caressing her own skin while I did the same and said her spots formed a constellation, she was smiling and blushing. Then she asked me to show her my arms and I denied out of shyness. Problem is, at this point I was CRAVING her. I had never felt this attracted to someone in my life. And Phenibut is, apparently, known to make women wet. I was so wet it showed through my pants. I don't know if she noticed it, but I think she did.

Some of my therapist friends thought this interaction was absurd, others commended her for being warm towards me since I have severe intimacy issues - don't like being touched, etc.

I don't know if I should tell her about my reaction. How do you ask someone if they noticed your arousal without it being awkward?! And I'm afraid it'll make her uncomfortable. She has told me a patient has never confessed themselves to her, so I'm not sure if she knows how to deal with it.

Last edited by bluekoi; 07-07-2021 at 11:04 AM.. Reason: Add trigger icon.
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Old 07-08-2021, 10:59 AM   #2
Lonelyinmyheart
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

What do you hope to gain from telling her? What you describe rings alarm bells and you need to tread carefully here. Attraction often emerges in therapy and it can be useful to talk about, but both parties need to be clear on where the boundaries lie so the feelings can be discussed openly without exploitation. If you want to tell her as a way to understand and work with these feelings and where they're coming from it might be useful, but acting them out in the relationship isn't ethical. My suggestion is to be honest with yourself about why you want to tell her about your feelings and reactions. If it's because deep down you're hoping she might feel an attraction to you, that's definitely a sign to slow down and consider what you're in therapy for. If your therapist shows any signs of attraction to you that's a definite indication you need to find a different therapist who keeps ethical boundaries. And self-responsibility is a factor here too in knowing what brings this reaction on and how to prevent it disrupting your therapy work.
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Old 07-09-2021, 09:39 AM   #3
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonelyinmyheart View Post
What do you hope to gain from telling her? What you describe rings alarm bells and you need to tread carefully here. Attraction often emerges in therapy and it can be useful to talk about, but both parties need to be clear on where the boundaries lie so the feelings can be discussed openly without exploitation. If you want to tell her as a way to understand and work with these feelings and where they're coming from it might be useful, but acting them out in the relationship isn't ethical. My suggestion is to be honest with yourself about why you want to tell her about your feelings and reactions. If it's because deep down you're hoping she might feel an attraction to you, that's definitely a sign to slow down and consider what you're in therapy for. If your therapist shows any signs of attraction to you that's a definite indication you need to find a different therapist who keeps ethical boundaries. And self-responsibility is a factor here too in knowing what brings this reaction on and how to prevent it disrupting your therapy work.
I told her I was aroused last session but I didn't specify how/why except that Phenibut probably had something to do with it (which it did). She didn't really have a response (those pre-fabricated "What you're feeling comes from ~therapy not me" etc) but it didn't seem to bother her at all. She was actually very confident about it, I thought she'd be taken aback. When I tried to change the subject she went right back to it "So you were aroused in our session?" ... I even joked that I wanted her to stop looking at me and she hid behind a pillow. She didn't set boundaries (as in: didn't tell me it wasn't possible etc) but IMO it wasn't necessary, she knows I know how it is.
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Old 07-28-2021, 05:26 AM   #4
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

It sounds like you're there (or here) to play games, not do therapy.
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Old 07-28-2021, 06:25 AM   #5
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

If it were me, Id think about finding a therapist of the opposite sex so there would be less/no chance of me experiencing attraction. I chose a same sex counsellor (I'm straight) precisely because I was afraid of something like this happening to me. I could deal with other forms of transference etc, but not this.
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Old 07-28-2021, 06:48 AM   #6
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

It went through your pants??? She asked you to see your arms?? She hid behind the pillow??? Like what what???
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Old 07-31-2021, 07:21 PM   #7
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
It sounds like you're there (or here) to play games, not do therapy.
I actually recognized this in myself - I was playing games with her, not here though, it's an anonymous forum - why would I do that?

This is why I chose to tell her about my reaction, I do feel like by not telling her directly I could lead her into sensual situations that she wouldn't "allow" if she knew I was having this attraction. Unfortunately, we never delved into this subject again and didn't really work through it in the "now". My attraction to her is slowly fading away which is good I guess.

I know how these all sound, and I actually had a couple more weird/sensual moments after it that I don't know how to process, but I won't be sharing them here because I sensed a tone of judgement from your comment and another one above, and I came here for support, not that. I know I should discuss these things with her directly but I feel like talking about them online helps me sort out what to focus on - I'm not here to play games with people I don't know.
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Old 07-31-2021, 07:22 PM   #8
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

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It went through your pants??? She asked you to see your arms?? She hid behind the pillow??? Like what what???
I don't understand what's wrong with these things. lol
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Old 08-01-2021, 10:38 PM   #9
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Default Re: I (27F) felt aroused in therapy to the point of it showing - Should I tell her?

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Originally Posted by VillanelleArcher View Post
I don't understand what's wrong with these things. lol
I never said there is anything wrong with anything
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