Has anyone gone to a new T to work through feelings towards current T?

Hey everyone, IÂ’m new here. IÂ’ve been with the same T for 3 years and IÂ’ve developed some really strong feelings towards her. WeÂ’re both female and sheÂ’s about 15 years older than me. IÂ’ve had these kinds of feelings before towards teachers, mentors, etc. The feelings have been growing really strong to the point that itÂ’s really painful and IÂ’m constantly crying in session just from looking at her and IÂ’ll cry just thinking about her. SheÂ’s constantly on my mind. I feel like itÂ’s a full blown obsession but not in a romantic way. At one point about 2 years ago I had asked her for a hug 3 different times and she gave me one. She told me that I can ask for one and sheÂ’ll give me one as long as itÂ’s not all the time.
I brought up my obsessive feelings to her about a year ago and we talked through it but recently itÂ’s gotten much stronger. I brought it up again via email before last session and then we talked about it. She was very supportive but stressed that there are boundaries that have to be held. I texted her after the session that I love her. At todayÂ’s session she told me that those feelings canÂ’t be reciprocated. She also told me that she canÂ’t give me hugs anymore because itÂ’s really important that we keep the boundaries strong. It was very painful for me to hear this and I felt very rejected.
Has anyone here been through something similar? I was thinking of switching to a different T just for a little bit to work through these feelings because theyÂ’re so painful. And then maybe I would come back to this therapist. She is an amazing T and has gone above and beyond for me. What do you guys think?
IÂ’d really really appreciate any responses!!!

My quick opinion is that I think you should stick with this therapist and work through the intense transference that's going on. I know it's painful--I definitely understand those painful yearnings. Sometimes, they literally hurt! I've heard from others on here and across the internet that those longings for your therapist come from a time in your childhood where those needs weren't met.

I haven't been in your exact situation, but definitely have had similar feelings! This happened with my first therapist who just moved across the country a couple weeks ago, so I no longer can see her. I too was, and still am, mentally obsessed with her and I told her that I think of her all the time, although I don't know if I really got across how much she was on my mind. My transference towards her is mostly maternal but there was some semi-erotic stuff going on too. Anyway, there was a point in our time together when I was upset that she had never touched me at all. We started out in teletherapy and then moved to in-person later but I brought up that it was upsetting to me. She offered a hug herself--I declined (too much too fast), but I had mentioned that the least she could do was give a supportive touch out the door. She went through with this, giving me a touch on my shoulder after that session but I felt intense shame from being touched by her so we went back to no physical contact. The next week or two, I said that I eventually would like to get comfortable with a hug before she would be leaving and then she said she decided on having very minimal to no physical contact with clients so that would never be a possibility! I was so upset after that session, mainly because she wouldn't allow me to sit any closer to her than a few inches (but luckily she did amazingly at helping me work through that anger!) I can empathize with you on changing the boundaries... it is frustrating, but sometimes that is unfortunately what needs to happen to keep clients and therapists safe and the relationship where it needs to be. It's complicated. I think your best option is to work through this with her, as painful as that is. Just know that you're not alone in these feelings!

Why was this post moved to the romantic feelings forum when the poster clearly specifies that their feelings are not romantic?

In answer to the question, I have not gone to therapy specifically to work out feelings about another therapist I am currently seeing but I have discussed strong feelings about my former therapist with my current therapist and found it to be such a relief that I wish I’d done it while I was still seeing her.

I know it would be ideal if you could process this WITH the therapist but clearly that’s an incredibly hard thing to do and I think it’s better to discuss it with someone than not to discuss it at all. It can be hard to talk about with a friend or another person in your real life.

Yes I did that after trying to process it with T1 to no availm It turned out to be a really helpful experience. I expected to go back to T1 but I ended up staying with T2 which ended up being a great decision.

To answer the main question, yes, I did go to another therapist to help deal with feelings for another one. But at the time, I was still seeing the first one as well. It was complicated, because the one I had feelings for (mostly paternal, a bit of erotic) was my marriage counselor (MC). We had a couple individual sessions where we addressed this (with my husband's consent), plus we had some phone calls and emails. I was seeing an individual therapist at the time, but she wasn't really helping me work through it.


So I decided to take a break from her and try someone else to help process. Much like Echos, I never ended up going back and stayed with the second T.

A few months into seeing the second T, I had a major rupture with MC. I was glad T2 was there to help me through that (even though, honestly, he wasn't all that helpful initially...but that's another story). We still tried going to the MC for another few months, but ended up terminating. T2 helped me process the termination as a loss and work through it.

I have also consulted with other T's for one or two sessions when I've had conflicts with T2. It's helped me to get an outside perspective and then be able to go back and work on the issues with T2 (and he's been open to consultations like that). So you could even just see it as going to another therapist for a brief consultation, just to get another perspective. You don't need to know when you start how long you might want to work with them--you can just see how it goes. You could let them know from the start that you want to consult about another T if you want, to see if they'd be comfortable with that.

Hope this helped in some way!