advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 04:05 PM
  #1
I got drunk last night and woke up to find that I had emailed my therapist nudes, along with a really explicit message saying things I wanted to do to him…I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know if anyone remembers me, but I used to post here. I’m feeling a whole lot of emotions, but apparently he’s not mad, so that’s good. Idk what I’m looking for, but I needed to get this out.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Echos Myron redux, Favorite Jeans, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, RoxanneToto, Taylor27

advertisement
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 04:38 PM
  #2
I'm sorry this happened. It must be really embarrassing and probably lots of other things for you too. What kinds of emotions are you experiencing? When is your next session with your T?

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
SummerTime12
NP_Complete
Grand Magnate
 
NP_Complete's Avatar
NP_Complete is still here
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: the upside down
Posts: 3,800
5 yr Member
6,346 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 04:44 PM
  #3
I imagine you must be feeling pretty vulnerable right now. It's good that he's not mad. That's a place to start anyway. How are you feeling about showing up for your next session? When is your next session? Can you do a phone session in the interim?
NP_Complete is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto, SummerTime12
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 04:48 PM
  #4
NP, vulnerable is a good word. I was trying to think of something like that. OP, what can you do to help yourself feel strong and protected right now?

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
SummerTime12
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 04:52 PM
  #5
I think vulnerable is the perfect word to describe how I’m feeling. I was SUPER anxious until he replied to my apology email. I’m both ashamed I did that and also worried he found the nudes (which were only waist up thank god) ugly. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about that, but my mind is going crazy with all the possibilities. In my apology email I told him I hope his eyes are ok Sent my therapist nudes I see him tomorrow morning, so I guess we’ll deal with it then.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, precaryous, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
SlumberKitty
Legendary Wise Elder
 
SlumberKitty's Avatar
SlumberKitty is staying stable.
 
Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: CA
Posts: 27,329 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
117.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 05:05 PM
  #6
I'm so sorry that happened. I'm hoping you can find something strong and empowering to do tonight that is healthy, like maybe do some weight lifting or kick boxing or something that will help you feel strong and protected (to fight against the vulnerable feelings). I'm glad your session is soon so you don't have to worry longer than necessary. Hope you feel better soon.

__________________
Dum Spiro Spero
IC XC NIKA
SlumberKitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
SummerTime12
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 05:17 PM
  #7
@SlumberKitty I have work tonight so that will help keep me distracted and hopefully make me feel competent. It will also keep me from drinking, which is good lol.

I feel really bad because he didn’t ask to see them. I get those kind of pictures from guys all the time and while it’s not super upsetting anymore, I don’t want to be like them.

I’ve had a few manic episodes in the last few months where I’ve been really sexualized with him, and during those times he’s admitted a lot of things to me too, so I don’t think he’s gonna be turned off by the pictures, but I still feel bad. That’s a whole other topic though.. I don’t know if everything he shares is appropriate. A while back most people told me it wasn’t, but it’s gotten more intense since then, which adds another dynamic to these pictures. I’m just rambling now, but basically I think something bad might be going on but I can’t get myself to see it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, precaryous, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 05:38 PM
  #8
Hugs, Summer. I understand the vulnerable feeling. I hope your T is understanding and helpful when you talk to him tomorrow. Do you think last night was part of a manic episode as well, or more that you were drunk (or do you maybe drink more during manic episodes)? Be prepared for him to maybe want to talk to you about your drinking, if he hasn't already.

So, this is a different sort of thing, but is tied to feeling vulnerable regarding one's T. There was a situation earlier this year where I'd gotten drunk (while by myself) and started feeling really awful about myself and was in a bad place. So I reached out to my T (it was still pretty early, like 8:30), and he was able to do a Zoom session with me.

I sent him a thank-you email after. But it didn't fully occur to me until just before the next session that he'd seen me drunk, and I suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. Like maybe he would admit he was disgusted by me or horrified that I'd also had part of a beer while talking to him that evening. But he was very supportive and caring (though we did discuss my drinking). I felt awkward and a bit ashamed when he said he could tell that I was drunk by how I was speaking (and mentioned the beer I had a few sips of) and that I'd seemed to sober up by the end of the session.

It all worked out to be OK though. In a weird way, I think it helped the therapy some that he saw me that vulnerable and (as he put it) "emotionally fragile." I'd cried in session before, but not like that. So maybe he understands better how my emotions can just crash at times.

Again, I know your situation is different, but it's also possible that it could help to open up some important dialogue between you. I just hope for your sake that your T will stay relatively boundaried and appropriate about it (even though I understand how part of you may not want him to).
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
NP_Complete, SummerTime12
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 08:47 PM
  #9
Thanks for that perspective @LonesomeTonight

I would certainly feel anxious about my T seeing me drunk too (knowing me I’d hit on him)! I think it’s great that he was able to help you work through those feelings and just accepted you for how you were in that moment. I think we can both learn from these incidents that it’s almost always best not to drink alone, haha.

There is a part of me that wishes he’d break boundaries, but also a part that is scared he will. He has never done anything physical, but when I’m manic and saying sexual things to him, he definitely responds and answers things I ask him..like saying my chest is attractive and that he feels desire for me are two recent ones. It kind of feels like we’re slipping, but at the same time not really because I’m like 99% confident he’d never allow us to actually touch?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, precaryous
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight
RoxanneToto
Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 yr Member
6,991 hugs
given
Default Sep 13, 2021 at 10:39 PM
  #10
I think it’s a slippery slope, to be honest. From what you’ve written he is crossing boundaries he shouldn’t as a therapist. I’m not blaming you for the situation you find yourself in, though. It’s his responsibility to uphold his professional boundaries if you or any other clients bring sex/intimacy up.
RoxanneToto is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
alexro7, LonesomeTonight, Mistical, precaryous, SummerTime12
Rive.
Magnate
Rive. has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,002
10 yr Member PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 14, 2021 at 09:31 AM
  #11
I was going to say that I hope he has a serious talk about boundaries with you when you next meet but reading how he is leading you on? No wonder boundaries are being crossed. The message he is sending is ambiguous. His behaviour is utterly unethical and is a *major* red flag. He is a 'dangerous' man (he doesn't deserve the label of therapist).

And yes, you are both slipping.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Etcetera1, LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SummerTime12
Lemoncake
Luna's offical mini me.
 
Lemoncake's Avatar
Lemoncake Adult female human
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Cafe Nervosa.
Posts: 9,646 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
10.1k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 14, 2021 at 10:39 AM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerTime12 View Post

There is a part of me that wishes he’d break boundaries, but also a part that is scared he will. He has never done anything physical, but when I’m manic and saying sexual things to him, he definitely responds and answers things I ask him..like saying my chest is attractive and that he feels desire for me are two recent ones. It kind of feels like we’re slipping, but at the same time not really because I’m like 99% confident he’d never allow us to actually touch?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I'm not blaming you at all and can fully understand erotic transference in the therapy room, but please be careful here. The stuff in bold is a warning sign. It might feel good, but it has the potential to really hurt you. Comments like that are not okay from a T.

__________________
"Love, like life, flows
Through the heart.
Feel the thrill of the flow
And say nothing."

Lemoncake is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SummerTime12
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 14, 2021 at 12:05 PM
  #13
He does not sound like a professionally boundaried therapist at all. All sorts of red flags going up. Might be time to find a therapist who can keep boundaries with clients.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SummerTime12
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 14, 2021 at 12:21 PM
  #14
It did jump out at me that you said you were "99% sure" he wouldn't touch you, because that suggests you still have some doubts.

I do hope your session goes/went well this morning and that you'll update when you have a chance. Feel free to PM me, too.

Last edited by LonesomeTonight; Sep 14, 2021 at 12:42 PM..
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
SummerTime12
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 14, 2021 at 01:46 PM
  #15
Ok so I had my session. It did feel kinda awkward sitting across from him knowing what he’s seen, but not unbearable. He tried to reassure me that I don’t need to feel ashamed, but I def still feel ashamed haha. He also said that he would not refer me out for being impulsive, because impulsivity is a big reason why I’m in therapy. He did say that if the sexual thoughts are too strong to the point that I can’t focus, maybe it would be time to look at other options (like a new therapist), but he doesn’t think that’s necessary because I seem to only act overly sexual when I’m manic. He’s also concerned about me drinking alone. He said emailing him was probably the safest outcome that could have happened.

I think I messed up because I asked him what he thought of the nudes, and told him I was worried he found them ugly. He said he thought the opposite and then said when it comes to my negative perception of my body, he can now definitively say that my negative perception is wrong. Then he said I’m very very attractive. This made me feel good of course, but I feel like it also messes with my head kinda.

I think @Rive. might be right that his messages are ambiguous. On the one hand, he always says we’ll never ever have sex, but on the other hand, he responds to my overly sexual questions when I’m manic (which I know is my fault for asking) and tells me things like he’s aroused, he thinks about having sex with me, that I have an attractive body, that he’d want to see my nudes but it would be a bad idea, that having sex would feel “unbelievably good,” that he’s felt tempted at times when I’m coming on to him.

My brains hurts honestly. I hear everyone saying there are red flags, and at times I can see it, but most of the time I feel like everything is fine. I feel stuck, even though I know I could leave and get a new therapist any time. It’s like I’m too emotionally attached idk how to even begin to think about a new therapist.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SlumberKitty
LonesomeTonight
Always in This Twilight
 
LonesomeTonight's Avatar
LonesomeTonight has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 20,695 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
74.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 14, 2021 at 03:41 PM
  #16
Summer, I understand your conflicted feelings here. Also that he's messing with your head and giving you mixed signals.

You say that it's your fault for asking him sexual questions when you're manic, but the burden of that shouldn't be on you. You should be able to ask him whatever you want to. The burden and responsibility is on him to uphold the boundaries of the relationship. If you ask him if you have an attractive body, his answer should be more along the lines of "It doesn't matter what I think of your body" or "Why is it important for you to know how I feel about your body?" Not "I think your body is attractive." He certainly shouldn't tell you that he's felt "tempted." It's like he's leading you on.

I just want to make it clear that this is something that *he* is doing wrong, not that you're doing wrong. I mean, I wouldn't suggest sending him nudes again, though I doubt you will. But I also think part of why you felt it was OK to send them is that he suggested it would be, that he even wanted them (even if he didn't come right out and ask you to send them). I just don't want you to blame yourself.
LonesomeTonight is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
alexro7, Etcetera1, precaryous, SummerTime12
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 15, 2021 at 07:01 AM
  #17
Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerTime12 View Post


I think @Rive. might be right that his messages are ambiguous. On the one hand, he always says we’ll never ever have sex, but on the other hand, he responds to my overly sexual questions when I’m manic (which I know is my fault for asking) and tells me things like he’s aroused, he thinks about having sex with me, that I have an attractive body, that he’d want to see my nudes but it would be a bad idea, that having sex would feel “unbelievably good,” that he’s felt tempted at times when I’m coming on to him.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
This is concerning. This therapist has options about how to respond that are much more professional and boundaried. He actively chooses almost the least boundaried response. He feeds your mania rather than working with you to keep it in check.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SlumberKitty, SummerTime12, unaluna
SummerTime12
Grand Member
 
SummerTime12's Avatar
SummerTime12 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 874
10 yr Member
601 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 27, 2021 at 06:44 PM
  #18
Update: I was hospitalized shortly after this post and just got released. I told the staff there about what was happening and they were literally so shocked and appalled that they got the DIRECTOR of the hospital involved and even went so far as to call his behavior abusive. They wanted to report him to his supervisor, but I didn’t sign a consent because I want time to think about it. Hearing a whole team of professionals, peers at the hospital, and you guys say his behavior was inappropriate and unethical has made me more receptive to thinking this might be the case. I can see how him sexualizing me is harmful to me as it makes me feel less safe processing trauma and feeds my mania, but at the same time I trust him so much and have worked closely with him for 5 years. I’m still nervous to cut ties and confront him, but I’m seeing a new therapist this week in addition to him. The hospital also notified my psychiatrist about everything I disclosed, so she’ll be following up with me about it. I start a trauma IOP in 2.5 weeks and they notified them as well.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
SummerTime12 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
LonesomeTonight, precaryous, SlumberKitty, unaluna
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 27, 2021 at 11:13 PM
  #19
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
I think it’s a slippery slope, to be honest. From what you’ve written he is crossing boundaries he shouldn’t as a therapist. I’m not blaming you for the situation you find yourself in, though. It’s his responsibility to uphold his professional boundaries if you or any other clients bring sex/intimacy up.

Yes! That was the impression I was getting. Of course it is not her fault. She’s the one in treatment anyway and she said she was intoxicated. But prior to this it seems like he was dancing around the possibility of something and that’s not a good thing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12, unaluna
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,786
5 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 28, 2021 at 07:53 AM
  #20
Glad to hear you are seeing this therapist more clearly now, but I hope you will cut ties with him completely and move on. He will do you more damage than good. Listen to all of the professionals who are appalled by his actions. This is a time to trust their judgment and steer clear of this therapist.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
SlumberKitty
 
Thanks for this!
LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, SummerTime12
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:03 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.