[stahrgeyzer]

I've always felt attracted to my present therapist in a romantic way, but I've tried my best to ignore the feelings. Often I feel like she's attracted to me. Sure, it's probably therapy techniques & not what I think. But, if by chance she is having counter transference issues, & I tell her that I'm having transference, then that pretty much means she will have terminate me as a client & refer me to another therapist, right?

[LonesomeTonight]

It doesn't automatically mean she will need to terminate you. It's also something that you could potentially work through. Even if she's feeling countertransference issues, that's something she could potentially work through in supervision or consultation.

Have you shared anything about attraction with her before? In my experience, if you try to just ignore the feelings rather than talk about them, it can make them more intense.


You don't need to share all your feelings at once or the intensity of them. And you could just ask her thoughts on transference in general. Even just, "Hey, I was reading this thing on a forum about transference and was wondering your thoughts on it." Sort of touch on the topic, see how she reacts.

[stahrgeyzer]

I haven't told her anything about attraction with her, but I feel it's overdue. Having BPD I'm just terrified of her leaving me.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

You don't need to share all your feelings at once or the intensity of them. And you could just ask her thoughts on transference in general. Even just, "Hey, I was reading this thing on a forum about transference and was wondering your thoughts on it." Sort of touch on the topic, see how she reacts.

That's a good idea, just to see how she reacts. I'll probably start with that. I know she'll want to know why I'm asking, which is when I'll tell her I have transference.

Thanks!

[TeaVicar?]

If she's a good therapist, she won't terminate your therapy, for discussing your feelings towards her, even if she has some of her own. It might depend more on her modality and whether she has adequate supervision.

Therapy is pointless if you don't discuss your feelings... though it can take a long time to feel safe enough to do so.