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VillanelleArcher
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Member Since: Jul 2021
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Default Jan 03, 2022 at 08:56 AM
  #1
I've talked to my therapist about my attraction towards her a few months ago, and it was incredibly hard, I thought I was going to pass out.

I told her I fantasized about her a lot, and she asked me "how were these fantasies?". I asked her how far I could go and she told me to tell her anything I want. So I told her I thought about giving her oral sex and it was a recurrent fantasy. That I thought that, by objectifying her, I could keep her at a distance. She asked me how was I keeping her at a distance if I was thinking about her while shyly laughing, which made me blush. And then I explained my thought process (about objectification) and then she asked if I ever gave another woman oral sex. I told her that this is pretty much all I can do in sex. She asked me "if I never felt pleasure with another person, then?" and I told her that I do enjoy pleasuring people. I don't remember the rest, but that was pretty much it. She never gave me the boundaries talk, but I assume it's because she knows I know it can never happen. This was November.

Now here's where I get confused.

Next session was fine and we never touched on the subject again. But she started wearing perfume to our sessions, for the first time since I started in February. I'm also the only person she sees in person before coming back home to see more people online, so I know that she is wearing it to my sessions only.

And then other things happened. Sometime in December I told her there was an area in her neck/shoulders that was really beautiful, and I asked her to pull down her blouse's shoulder strap, and pull her hair back so I could see it more clearly, and, to my surprise, she did. I asked her if I could take a picture of it and she denied, telling me that she doesn't know what I'm gonna do with the pic, and laughed. But she spent the rest of the session partly exposed.

On our last session of 2021, she gave me a gift so I wouldn't miss her for her 2 week vacation, and I tried to hug her at the end. She hugged me back, I let go and just said "You." ... I think she understood and held me for a few seconds. I told her she smells really good and she laughed, and then I commented that she was strong and she said it was her fighting classes. We separated and had no session since (it's this week).

Was any of this inappropriate? Should I find any of it "wrong"?
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Default Jan 03, 2022 at 11:34 AM
  #2
So to me, the only thing that jumps out at me as potentially being inappropriate was her pulling down the strap of her shirt (and leaving it that way) at your request. Especially knowing that you are attracted to her. I felt uncomfortable reading that part.

The perfume could potentially be coincidence. With the hug, I know that some T's hug (my ex-T, who was female, sometimes hugged me, also a female, but it was somewhat of a maternal thing, definitely not attraction on my part). Can I ask what sort of thing she gave you as a gift though? Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post publicly.

The conversation about oral sex, that seems like her shifting your comment about her back to more of a clinical therapy perspective about your outside life. And it's good that she wasn't shaming you for them.

However, like I said, I find pulling her shirt down to be concerning. It's good she didn't let you take a picture. Though that seems like a time that maybe she should have otherwise addressed boundaries? Even if she waited until the next session (I suspect this would have been a painful conversation for you).

As for what you should do about it...I'm not sure. It may have just been a momentary lapse of judgment on her part. Maybe just see how things go in the next session?
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VillanelleArcher
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Default Jan 04, 2022 at 12:05 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
So to me, the only thing that jumps out at me as potentially being inappropriate was her pulling down the strap of her shirt (and leaving it that way) at your request. Especially knowing that you are attracted to her. I felt uncomfortable reading that part.

The perfume could potentially be coincidence. With the hug, I know that some T's hug (my ex-T, who was female, sometimes hugged me, also a female, but it was somewhat of a maternal thing, definitely not attraction on my part). Can I ask what sort of thing she gave you as a gift though? Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post publicly.

The conversation about oral sex, that seems like her shifting your comment about her back to more of a clinical therapy perspective about your outside life. And it's good that she wasn't shaming you for them.

However, like I said, I find pulling her shirt down to be concerning. It's good she didn't let you take a picture. Though that seems like a time that maybe she should have otherwise addressed boundaries? Even if she waited until the next session (I suspect this would have been a painful conversation for you).

As for what you should do about it...I'm not sure. It may have just been a momentary lapse of judgment on her part. Maybe just see how things go in the next session?

I don't mind replying here, we're from another country where most people don't speak English nor read these types of forums. She gave me a blue bird origami, she said she was thinking of me and made it (because I love "birding" and my favorite bird is that color). I think it was meant to be a "transitional object" but she never said it directly, it was a Christmas gift.

The hug thing is fine too in my country, specially in a "quick shoulder hug" way, but it lingered for a while (I'd say 5 seconds more or less) and she held me REALLY tight, I don't think anyone has ever hugged me in that way, I couldn't breathe. And what I thought was weird was this physical intimacy while she's well aware that I'm attracted to her. I wouldn't think it was weird if it was a more informal hug or if she didn't know about my attraction. I was expecting her to say that hugging me would feed into my feelings or something.
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