[Lonelyinmyheart]

I understand the theory, but what does this MEAN in reality? And how does anyone know which form of love they are feeling towards their T? I'm probably being ridiculously ignorant but I really don't know.

I FEEL deeply in love with her. I don't think I want to have sex with her. It's more feeling deeply connected and wishing I could be around her more. I don't think these are childlike feelings, that's the issue - I honestly think they are more. I get very upset and devastated by her feeling love for others in her life. I've worked through the childlike stuff. I just love her so much.

I honestly don't know what to do I wonder if the best thing is to cut down on sessions but not sure I can. I get so much out of seeing her but the pain right now (and at times like Christmas) is horrific.

[Yaowen]

Love is so mysterious. I don't know why we love or don't love the people we love, but I'm sorry you are in a situation that is causing you distress and unhappiness. It must be very difficult for you!

[TeaVicar?]

I think the love we feel is made up of so many different parts, which makes it very confusing and complex. If it were any other relationship, we would either hook up with the person or leave the relationship, right? Because it's therapy (and this is what often happens in therapy... apparently) we keep seeing the person, which results in either "working through" earlier relationship wounds, or replaying them with no resolve. Early relationship wounds affect all relationships, not just therapy ones but there's more of an emphasis on working them through in therapy.

And then, as with all relationships, you have the current here and now relationship, which includes unconscious desires (not just sexual) and needs from both parties. We choose our therapists for various reasons (unconscious and consciously) and our therapists choose us. If we didn't feel an affiliation on some level, we would probably leave, or the therapist might refer out if they didn't feel they were a good fit. What I'm trying to say is, we're already part of the way there from the start, so it doesn't take much of a stretch to fall in love, or feel deep love towards them.

The love we feel is real and definitely viable. Some of the feelings are influenced by early experiences (I think especially the painful ones) and some are based on the here and now relationship, and the person sitting opposite you, but that's the same for most relationships. The main difference is, it's amplified by all the focus being on you.

I don't know that therapists are very good at working with it though, I haven't seen much evidence here or in my social groups and if the therapist is unaware of their own unconscious desires or defends/deflects against it due to their own anxiety, then you're pretty much stuffed with being able to work with it in therapy. I don't know what the answer is, what does she say about it?

[meadowbria]

What does she say when you tell her you feel this way?