[sky dancer]

A friend had a heart attack recently followed by surgery. I was touched by his story of what his physician said to him. He looked M in the eyes and said, "you are going to be fine", then he stated declaratively, "this is not your fault".

I reflected on that statement. How would my life be different if I knew with absolute confidence, RIGHT NOW, that everything was going to be ok?

How much fear in my heart and mind is based on uncertainty that things will work out in an acceptable way?

"Heath is measured not by the capacity to stay standing but by the ability to be knocked down and return to standing."
Moshe Feldenkrais.

It's is not your fault points to a essential truth of the path: "no praise, no blame."

Think of how much energy is wasted in the feeling of self-blame or blaming others for 'what is'.

We think in order to act responsibly we must feel the knife of blame after enacting unskillful behaviors. We think pointing an accusatory finger at ourselves is necessary for recognizing the consequences of our behavior. Blame and guilt funciton to keep us in check to experience pain when we transgress our values or when we experience suffering as the result of our action.

"Good and bad are only in your mind. So we should not say 'this is good' or 'this is bad'. Instead of saying bad, you should say 'not to do'.
Suzuki Roshi

We can feel the direct pain of unskillfulness the sorrow and regret that comes from a healthy conscience yet be free from the habit of self blame and self punishment. How much easier it is to feel forgivenss for others when we are truly responsible (able to respond).

"To live outside the law you must be honest". Bob Dylan

Recently, I was experiencing regret and pain for speaking to my partner in a hurtful way. Following the moment allowed me to see that I was repeating an unconscious pattern that I had learned from my abuser. How wonderful to have the insight into the source of this pain and allow it to be liberated. Had I remained in the prison of self-blame this kind of learning would have been unlikely.

Now the advanced practice is to discover how to have a heart opening attitude toward all the sources of my blaming. How amazing it is that the worst and most feared events can transform our lives in such profound ways.

Take care,

sky

[Malady156]

it could not read all this but what it could it liked, thank you sky dancer.
we dont need the knife of blame but ppls always wanna put it in our backs anyway then say we do it to ourselves, till we end up doing it to ourselves for them, or something.

it just wants the pain to stop

[(JD)]

Sky Dancer, it's obvious that you put a lot of thought into that post, and I appreciate it.

To me, the negative source cannot make me do anything "bad" but can influence how I think or act. The positive Source is stronger, if I allow.

Some things are "bad"... but in the vein of what you are saying, I use "not in my best interest" for those things I prefer not to do.

[nowheretorun]

im glad someone has brought up this topic of blame skydancer, its a key topic in my healing path and if i am understanding well enough you are saying that blame is a thing that pushes us deeper into feelings of guilt and sadness that makes it difficult for us to return to place of self acceptance and self love... for me i like to put things into a perspective of causes rather than blame and then to remove the human aspect of a cause lets me depersonalize the root of my hurt and confusion further so that i can see a problem for what it is, an obstacle in the path of my quest for freedom and happiness.. by taking the person or people out of the equation i can then look at the situation more analytically... it might be jealousy or insecurity that makes another respond the ways they do.. jealousy and insecurity are not people and therefore i see no need to try and change a person to fit my needs and i am able to work with a feeling, lots easier than trying to change another human whom i have no control over... i know i can have power over my own feelings tho and i can choose my own response to anothers feelings, i do not have to fall into someone elses' script of behavior and i can choose a number of responses to the person or situation making me feel uncomfortable... experience has taught me that my personal goal of happiness contains a certain level of inner peace with the world around me... by not blaming or accusing i rid myself of those associated negative feelings of resentment and anger... hey, if i want happy, its in the air at my fingertips and i can choose to grab onto it instead of feelings that would make me feel lousy and trapped into a situation i want no part of... for me, knowing causes is very important, blaming is useless energy and time spent that i could instead use feeling what i really want to... hope this makes sense... best always and prayers that your inner peace continue to grow and build around you each day and every moment

[Malady156]

blame is a thing that pushes us deeper into feelings of guilt and sadness that makes it difficult for us to return to place of self acceptance and self love...

yes. and ...
entire religions get built on this shame/blame paradigm.
they bes toxic and poisonous and what they sell for "cure" bes secretly filled of more toxin and poison even though it tastes good going down.... beware. beware.

[Fuzzybear]