[Hunny]

This church that I sometimes go to had a visitor speak briefly to engender some support for their cause. This was a few months ago. I didn't have courage to post till now.

The cause was called something like:
'Circle of Love'
It was for sexual abusers coming out of prison.
It would take approximately 12 people
to volunteer to be in the circle.

I can barely type this.
I as a victim of CSA have never
been offered a church group called
'Circle of Love for victims of Child Sexual Abuse'
I have been identified as mentally ill though
and I could join a group at a church
for people with mental illness called
'For those with mental illness'
When will churches get this right?!?

Um, it has taken me months to get the
stamina up to write about this.

At that church service I could barely sit
in my chair
my heart was racing
hands shaking
my eyes couldn't stop glaring at the
visitor who was looking for people
to support this cause
It is a growing world wide cause from
some benevolent group
not to be mentioned here
Even now my heart is racing
adrenalin is pumping
hands becoming shaky
I guess you could call this
A TRIGGER!

Where is my circle of love group
Never, never, never, never has been one
nope, never, never
It has been a lonely journey of
people avoiding, not loving



Thank goodness for PC and my counselor but no 'circle of love' group of twelve for me, nope, not at any church I ever was at. Just get told to: "Get over it". "Don't keep blaming". "Isn't it enough God cares".

Slap in the face!

I know God loves me...but

[writingwithink]

Hunny, I don't have any words of encouragement other than I'm sorry you are feeling down.

Peace,
writing

[Hunny]

Thanks, Writingwithink, sorrys from you not necessary. It's not your fault. I am not feeling down so much as I'm feeling hurt, anger and abandonement. But thank you for your trying to make me feel better. Seeing your names always makes me feel better.

[(JD)]

(((Hunny)))) I feel your pain.

Why not print off the post and mail it to them? (Remove any markers, of course.) Maybe SOMEONE will think!

[Hunny]

Thank you JD. I'm almost too raw to hug on this one...

I know you get it. The love between the human and Diety but I know you also see the uneven ground of how the church helps.

I will drop this by their building without the names on it.

I am feisty and a fighter but this one just had me so shocked that I couldn't move on the chair. I stared at him but he wouldn't stop or disappear! I didn't care if I had a mean look on my face, in church! No one probably even noticed as they mostly don't. I looked around and thought who else here is this affected by this? has been abused as a child and we sit like nice dutiful little pew warmers.

I was remembering all the people here on PC whose life stories I had read and my own and I was so angry and incensed I almost felt it was like only him and me in the room and if he hadn't stopped talking I'm pretty sure I would have shrieked something out. I just well...wished I had.

On this one, restorative justice, 'stinks with a putirified smell'. It is like rotting garbage. There is no restorative justice when it comes to children being abused and until children are completely safe from the child abusers there will not be one bit of consideration on restoration for these subhumans. How dare they! For children, the sentence is life and so should it be for the perpetrators of this crime, no question! I'm not afraid here, I am truly hurt, sad, angry and feeling abandoned but I am not afraid to defend the children.

.

[lynn P.]

I can understand why you're so upset. Don't blame you for not supporting that group.

[susan888]

(((Hunny)))
Having lived through that myself....I would feel the same as you. I honestly do not believe that there is ANY rehabilitation for someone that can sexually abuse a child. This world is just so crazy....we have more resources for the criminals than we do for their victims...

[anderson]

((((Hunny))))
We are so there with you and those within you! We just got a T that understands us but got the same response by some members of the church we goto. The abuse need help but us the victums it is either our falt or we just need to get over it.
NOT! with the help of those here and the angels that are now going to group T meating to help understand us we are going to try to get our own 12 step program going for those recovering from abuse.
Even if you copied the post here on word processer and removed the names and dates. By sending it ananoumisly to those that are a part of this program would help them open their eyes.
We hope you can feel our surport long distants. from all of those within me to all those within you!

[silentandscared]

Hunny

we know what we would like to write here but we aint allowed to in the same way we aint allowed to think and feel the hurt. we walked away from the church for along time because we got told so much if WE dont forgiveThem then we cant heal and help them. Why on earth would we want to HELP THEM. did they ever help us???????????? NO they just sentenced us to a life sentence and then tell us we was wrong we dont get it, we dont understand, we dont feel sorry for them or pity them and WE will move away from them WITHOUT helping them along the way

not very christian or forgving of us we know but we tried over and over and we can't do it

sorry............... we are sorry, but sorry that WE GOT THIS SENTENCE BECAUSE OF THEM, sorry that the church cant see the childrens hurt and pain.

Hunny you are all brave and strong and you certainly have nothing to reproach yourself for the way that you feel

liz for the silentones that are left behind that no one sees or hears

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Dear Hunny

I was sa too not by the church but by someone who went to church every sunday and appeared as white as snow. Turned out everyone knew he was an abuser but because he was a local councillors son no one would swear out a complaint against him. His father could cause trouble for anyone he wanted to and no backlash

My dad sorted him out I was only 3.

But I know what you are feeling and I really hope that you print up your post and drop it off there...why is it that those who harm an abuse are given everything to help them yet the victims are trapped in damaged minds and damaged bodies?

I was able to finally forgive and found peace and healing in that. But that is not for everyone, I don't even know where it came from in me but it did.

Make your feelings known Hunny, even though church goers don't want to hear anything said against their chruch it is way past time that it was dealt with openly and not whispered about as if the child was the cause of the abuse,

Hugs,

Rhiannon

[Hunny]

Lynn P. If only there were more balance in the church's support, particularly where children are concerned.
Susan888 Yes more resources for the abuser. You get it. Rehabilitation is another issue. I tend to agree with you on it.
Anderson Thank you I feel your support this long distance. So far I have captured the words and will now print them out. I got all the names and the address now.
Liz for the Silentones: Thank you for your strong support. Oh, I do see you know what has happened and thank you, Liz, for sharing your strength. We comfort you too
Rhiannonsmoom This is so wrong for this to have happened to you and I am grateful for your coming alongside. I am going to send this out to them. I was reminded of the movie "Man on Fire" (I think that is what it is called) when you say your dad took care of him. Thank you! What a terrific dad. No more sweeping under the carpet.

Thanks everyone

.

Perhaps members of the congregation need to speak out?

[El-ahrairah]

Urgh I don't know how anyone COULD support that kind of group.... I am sorry but people who do things like that just don't equate to the level human beings are, they are lower than animals and are worth less than crap because even feces can fertilize a plant, those kind of people who sexually abuse others and children are soul less pieces of unrecycable garbage.

I feel your pain and I think you should write them a letter. Sure God is known to forgive, but it doesn't mean you or anyone else has to.

Hunny I will be thinking of you and hoping you get through all your pain and trauma

[susan888]

I admire your courage Hunny! You speak for so many of us. Thank you.... I will be praying for you.