[merighteouswow]

My kids and I left our church of 10 yrs a little over a year ago. Since then, and probably for a year before we left, my desire for the Lord has reall wained. I used to be very close to Him and praise and worship Him every day and loved church, drove the church bus, did outreach ministries and the like. We just havent' tried very hard to find a church because I just don't have any desire for it. I know we need to be back in church, and I guess we need someone to pray that we will find one.

Hello, beautyforashes. Where two or three gather ...

[SunnyD]

Why not go to the nearest ones to you? It would be a way to start. In fact that is what happened to me. God really blessed me there and I stayed. The kids are probably missing church too. Maybe one with a good kids or youth programs would be a choice.
Just some ideas. I will be praying.

[(JD)]

http://www.ebiblestories.com/church/...s_church.shtml

There is an abundance of churches in MO, West Plains included!

I think perhaps you are remembering all the "work" you did in the last church and maybe just can't handle even thinking about that now, so that prevents you from even visiting?

Why not begin visiting with the idea that you are taking a "rest" in the Lord? Perhaps giving yourself that break will allow you to enjoy and fellowship--and rest! Do this now, so you have a place to go and feel comfortable for the Resurrection Day season.

[kathleen slattery]

Dear Beautyforashes....you haven't lost your faith, as you are thinking of this question! Bear in mind that There is a thing called "The Dark Night of the Soul" which especially devout people like St. John of the Cross and Mother Theresa of Calcutta went through...they were shocked and disappointed at their seeming lack of faith. Mother Theresa claims that she went years in this condition; going through the motions with her missionary, yet doubting her belief and relationship with God.
So you are not alone; you are with some very devout people with this feeling. I go to Church every day, but sometimes wonder if I am just going through the motions. My advice to you is to start with a new Church; maybe just you on your own. Like me, go through the motions at first, and after a time you may discover that you really missed what you gave up. Plus the sense of belonging and community which you'll get may motivate to "put out into the deep" further. IMO.

[merighteouswow]

Thank you all for your replies. I was going to try a new church this Sunday morning, then realized that I committed to a friend's son's birthday party from 10-12. Maybe I will try to go in the evening. There were a lot of stupid, negative politics that went on in my last church which is why I stopped going after being there 10 yrs. I still miss that place, but not all the things that went on there. I guess I just don't want to go through any of that again. But, I am glad this site has spiritual groups. It's not often you find those at a place where my mental health is addressed along side of them.

[Marie123]

Hi, sweetie: i was voted out of a 31-year church membership 7 years ago, and haven't been to a church. I fought the spiritually abusive system for 18 months. My name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words, "Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God." Three times.

I was called to a meeting of deacons: 16 "men" who wouldn't allow me to have a woman with me, and asked: "Are you still having sex with your ex?"

I had let the x live in my house after the divorce........Something positive came from the "ashes" : my church abuse poetry therapy webiste, with 18,681 hits so far.

I've tried going to other churches, but it is too painful. I lost a church family, but not my faith....However, I realize that in the faith dept., I am not doing so well......being alone after 36 years of abuse, and having a whole congregation reject you. I am 64 and in school. I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about my life.

If you would ever like to talk, I would love to.......

Hugs and Love.....

[merighteouswow]

Wow, Marie, that is horrible! I'm afraid things like that happen more than we would like to think. In my case I had done a children's bus ministry for 2 years and I and my kids loved doing it and did it wholeheartedly for the Lord. One day I was called into the associate pastors office with another male there and told I was not allowed to do the bus ministry anymore. Our pastor was on sabatical for 5 weeks at the time. The reason I was given was that the other adult on the bus told him that we had had words and that I said a swear word. He never asked me if it were true. All I could do was cry and it was a very humiliating experience for me. He even went as far as to say that one of the kids backed up her story. I know that was a lie because we did have words but we were back at the church after doing saturday visitaiton and there were not kids on the bus. Why he lied for her I will never know, but it was devastating for me. I even stayed in that church for 5 yrs after, trying to forgive and do what the Lord would have me to do. When the pastor came back and I told him what happended he only said I really needed to learn to forgive. So, I tried. But, unfortunately, I have not forgiven to this day. And I also got sick of hearing about what a close churh family we were, when in truth we were a bunch of cliques. I'm very sorry for what you went through. It is so hard and I hope you are where you want to be. Blessings... I'm not a very huggy person, but these online hugs are easier!

[mgran]

Dear Beauty, I had a very similar period of feeling alone and separated from God because of not having a church home. And I know all about the horrible political wrangling that can go on within a church... it's a terribly sad thing.

I will certainly pray for you and your family to find a church... when I found one locally it made a huge difference. God wants us to be in community with one another, and I'm sure He has a place already prepared for you and your family. You know your need of Him, and He knows it too. He loves you, even when the church itself dissolves into cliques and people bearing false witness about each other.

Marie, Beauty... those church members who bullied, lied, gossiped and humiliated you will have to answer for their sins... and Marie, "conduct unbecoming a child of God"... who do these people think they are?

I'm livid on your behalf. And yes, you can pray to God to help you forgive people... but if they haven't repented then there's nothing wrong with trying to forgive, but being cautious of them. After all, we are told to be as innocent as doves, but wise as serpents. Forgive them, but be wise and don't trust them. And don't beat yourselves up either.

I wish I could meet you two, and we could pray together, and drink tea (or coffee as you're Americans) and just chew the fat. But I can pray for you both, and I certainly will. God bless you both, abundantly.

[Marie123]

mgran: What a precious person you are. The pain of spiritual abuse never goes away; my churchabuse site is both a blessing and a curse.... it has helped almost 19,000 people, but it is a constant reminder, because people write to me. I wish I could meet you and Beauty too! I'd love to get together (coke for me, please) and 'chew the fat" I am sure it would be wonderful!

It is even more painful, my family still goes to that church (daughter and son in law and 4 grandchildren), so every sunday I have to hear something about that place....I did however wait 2 years and wrote to every single member a 10 page letter, then got an attorney to help me (no, I didn't sue), but recouped a tiny fraction of what I spent in therapy......It is my intention, along with my passion to get verbal and physical abuse out there....to also get a story done on spiritual abuse....I have never seen a program on that. Fundamentalist churches (of which I was one) have no heirarchy, except within, so anything can go on......Love and hugs, Marie

[merighteouswow]

Thank you for praying. I wrote a letter to the ppl who did me wrong and my T and I read and went through it in therapy. I haven't decided whether or not I should send it because it has been 5 or 6 yrs since it happened. But we talked about it some more today and I just might. I hope all of you (who have written here) are having a good day.

[Marie123]

The therapist who journed with me through the spiritual abuse, taught me the most valuable words I'd ever heard: "Restorative Justice"---This is what you did, this is how it made me feel. SO powerful to someone who had been abused for a lifetime.

It doesn't matter how long ago the incident was...I hope you do send it.

[(JD)]

It's easy to forget that church members are humans just like everyone else, except they've realized their sad state and are trying to correct it by going to church and worshipping God. (Or, some are dragged there...) Those who join into an organization do so for their own reasons, but that doesn't make them any different from everyone else. (That aspect that does make a difference is not to be discussed on the forum. )

Those who do not attend church are generally on a different plane of life.

[SunnyD]

Wow it seems like everyone has a story. I do too but the point is to deal with it and go on. The enemy would like nothing better than to separate us from fellowship. It takes courage to start again but we are not without help. I know that God has directed me to the place He wants me. It is always good.

[DancingAlone]

dear beautyforashes (and Marie123),

i would like to offer a temporary solution to your reluctance to attend church at this time. i too have run into this dilemma as i just want to celebrate God's love and be a devoted member of a true Christian community without being judged.

i would like to offer a temporary solution that i find most helpful. there are wonderful places online that offer songs, devotionals and true spiritual community. one is (non-denominational) http://www.girlfriendsingod.com/ . there is another called Hope church (many web sites) and others. they may be able to reinstate your wonderful sense of faith and to find the courage to return to a "real" church when it is time.

also, by searching on youtube, you can find wonderful songs to listen to and help you find that spiritual closeness to God through song, such as these two that help me a lot.

Josh Groban…
You raise me up:

Don’t give up:

[merighteouswow]

www.christianityoasis.com is also a good place.

[SeptemberMorn]

I have an idea! You could each supply your own drinks and meet in a private chat room to "chew the fat." What do you think?

I don't go to church any more myself because of similar experiences, but I do have a great group of people of similar faith that I meet with and am in touch with every day.

It hurts me to see so many people complaining about the same thing. Thinking how badly it damages the reputation of our Lord and of our Faith. We can't do it here but how about our thoughts and conversations turn to the positive things that came out of those experiences? There are always good lessons to be learned out of the tough times.

To the church body that put up the name of a perceived sinner, they obviously think they are without sin since they cast the first stone... right? WRONG!! Be certain that they will be judged by the same measure that they used to judge you.

to all that have suffered at the hands of "holier than thou" sinners.

Originally Posted by Marie123

mgran: What a precious person you are. The pain of spiritual abuse never goes away; my churchabuse site is both a blessing and a curse.... it has helped almost 19,000 people, but it is a constant reminder, because people write to me. I wish I could meet you and Beauty too! I'd love to get together (coke for me, please) and 'chew the fat" I am sure it would be wonderful!

It is even more painful, my family still goes to that church (daughter and son in law and 4 grandchildren), so every sunday I have to hear something about that place....I did however wait 2 years and wrote to every single member a 10 page letter, then got an attorney to help me (no, I didn't sue), but recouped a tiny fraction of what I spent in therapy......It is my intention, along with my passion to get verbal and physical abuse out there....to also get a story done on spiritual abuse....I have never seen a program on that. Fundamentalist churches (of which I was one) have no heirarchy, except within, so anything can go on......Love and hugs, Marie

[(JD)]

I agree, Tomi. The stories I could post would be quite amazing...but the emphasis would be on "church" or spirituality related stories... and might make it seemed skewed. When, in reality, I have an equal or maybe even more stories of non church events and people that are "amazing" as well. People are people no matter where they are!

I've been out of a church home for over 2 years now, since Dr Kennedy passed and the church split with the "newer" minister who has a different perspective on things. That's ok..there are many who are enjoying his messages.

It's very, very tough to not have that fellowship, but finding a church where you do feel you fit in, and can feel that fellowship is quite a task.

I guess the first thing to do is make a list of just what you want "from" the membership at any given place of worship. Decide how much time you can give without dipping into your own energy basket. Will membership put other pressures on you, such as to give monetarily? Can you be comfortable with just visiting for a while, and if so, for how long? Of course, those who have had good experiences with a place to worship know that there are many other rewards to belonging. But begin with what you can handle, since you're struggling already. Having a type of tally list to go by will help ease the stress I think. And remember to let your teens make their lists too...it is pretty important that they hang with a good "gang" ...teens will join a gang...whether it's a street gang or scouts, or faith based--they need that peer grouping.

IDK the current statistics, but I doubt they've changed because humans tend to have the same basic tendencies... it used to be that no matter what size group you join (whether it's church related or not) you tend to make acquaintances with only 60 people. So if the group is small, you might know everyone, but if it's large (in the thousands) it won't matter because you will stick pretty much to only have a circle of friendships of about 60.

[SunnyD]

Wow, how amazing how many people here don't have a church home.
So doesn't God want us to be in fellowship?

[SeptemberMorn]

JD, if I was to go back to attending a church, first and foremost, I would find a non-denominational one being careful that it wasn't a "hell and damnation" one. Secondly, it would need to be a relatively small church because closeness and fellowship is important. It's easier to get that sense of belonging in a small church. From there, I would visit several times to make sure "it felt right" and I think you know what I mean by that; that the membership as a whole was "indwelt" and that He is free to move but for my personal likes, not full on charismatic.

I think that makes it a whole lot easier to find the right church. ... visiting small ones.

[merighteouswow]

I got brave and went to visit a church this morning. I figured that if I do what I always do and not go, I can't expect anything to change, right? And if you never ask the answer is always no, right? I enjoyed the service and plan to take the kids and go again tonight. I still have lots of questions about the church and programs because they didn't have a bulletin, (which is one of my specialies, I did it at Victory for about 7 yrs.) So, I am starting back on the journey of trying to find a church. Who knows? Maybe it will be different this time.

[(JD)]

Good for you!

This time will be different, it is already...because you are more aware of what you need, and what you don't need. Even if this one turns out to be the one, enjoy your time worshipping and fellowshipping.

[SunnyD]

So how did it go?

[merighteouswow]

Well, my son already had plans with his friend that I had forgot about and it started raining heavily, and my car leaks, so we didn't get to go, but I plan on going next Sunday morning.

[Marie123]

Foruntately, the chuch I grew up in, was a wonderful experience.. We were family; only about 30 of us...all poor....The first minister's name was......Moses....I just love this! They were salt of the earth people.......I keep in touch with the few that are left. Those were wonderful memories. A minister who came to our house and helped dress us kids of Sunday school; took my grandmother to the hospital when she was ill....stopped by just to pray.

Those are the precious memories I hold dear and close to my heart.