[thunderbear]

I need help. Its gonna take some reading, but bear with me?
I was raised Baptist. But I was raised among the influences of other denominations. Pentecostal being one of the main ones. Now that I am older, I identify as Gnostic. Pretty much anyway. I believe in God. I believe Jesus died for me & rose again. I pray. I thank God for all that I have.
My problem is that I have a seriously hard time believing that the Bible is something to base my faith on. I see all that is going on with religion in politics & the Bible. I dont believe God wants us to condemn and judge people for who they love or what they believe in. My family has disowned me due to my spiritual views. Am I wrong for having faith because I found it in my heart instead of in a church? Or the Bible? See, this is causing me alot of anxiety because I grew up in a Southern Baptist church where it was all about Gods vengence rather than his love. Basically my heart & my mind are at odds. In my heart I know God loves me no matter how I worship Him. But my mind goes back to the old Testament. And it freaks me out. It makes me scared & guilty. I feel alone in this. My spirituality has always been strong & faithful but now I feel like Im constantly reconciling my bringing up with my faith now. What do I do? I cant talk to a pastor cause I know what they would say.

[Open Eyes]

God didn't write the Bible though. Did you know old scriptures were found that never even got in the Bible? These scriptures talked about Jesus teaching that we can all have a relationship with God like he does. We don't have to "worship" the Bible or join a specific Religion to enjoy faith in God. We can have our own relationship with God. It is thought that was kept out of the Bible because Constantine didn't want people to think they could be independant like that. It doesn't particularly work well with "leaders" we are better manipulated if we "need our leaders and have to "follow".

I am sorry that your family has distanced from you because you want to practice your own relationship with God. Well, IMO, that is what we all need to do, it is a personal choice. You know what is good and bad in your heart, it is ok to develope your own spirituality. Say you prayers and continue to have your "own" relationship with God. I don't think any God that I know of ever said you have to go to a church and belong to a certain religion, it was man that did that.

What "is" nice about church and having an "organized faith" though is the sense of community it provides. It is nice to be with others who have similar beliefs and "respect". It is good for children because it helps them learn right from wrong and even can provide strong psychological positives about life and respecting others and why. It can teach them there "is" bad in the world and that it is better to be good and caring and not let "bad people" change that faith in ones self and being a good person.

The message I got from religion is that it is "good" to have "faith" in your heart. If you have found that, then you should be able to be proud of that. To know ourselves and develope our own relationship with God? I don't see anything wrong with that.

(((Hugs)))

[thunderbear]

I agree with you about Constatine. Finally someone who knows that story too. Thanks Open, I really apreciate your response. It makes sense to me.

[Rose76]

It sounds like your spirituality has evolved. That's a sign that you've been maturing over the years. Any experienced adult who has never questioned what seemed true to him, or her, at age 10 probably isn't much of a thinker. I'ld say you are on a good path. That process of "reconciling" will go on for as long as you live. It's work. It's the non-lazy way of growing spiritually. It involves uncertainty, which is too anxiety provoking for some people. Faith doesn't mean total lack of uncertainty.

I think it's rewarding and fulfilling to worship/pray "in community" with others, as is done in a traditional church. If you find that to be true, then I would say you can still attend and be part of a faith community without feeling that you have to march in lockstep with whatever the local pastor says. Sometimes the best response to criticism (like from your family) is calm silence. You don't have to convince them of anything, and you won't.

It sounds like you've gotten the basic message out of the story of Christ that most sincere Christians have gotten. It is mainly about Love.

Jesus was taught the principles of Judaism. He, himself, said that he did not intend what he taught to conflict with that. Judaism is very much about Love, too. (It is an offense in Judaism to subject even an animal to unnecessary pain.)

There are instances in the Bible of passages that convey an ethos of cruelty. There is the Psalm that says that it would be great to dash the heads of an enemy's babies against rocks. It's in there, and there is no way of soft-peddling it. If you keep reading the Bible, you will be troubled by things you read. Still, I would say: Keep reading. Then ask yourself which is the larger message. What are the main messages. If a thing is repeated a hundred times, then it must be more important than what shows up once.

False prophets can twist the Bible to mean whatever they wish it to. As Christ said of the Pharisees, they lay burdens on people that are oppressive. However, when you compare what is being said to the example of Christ, it's hard to stay totally confused.

I've heard people get all excited about predicting the end of the world and just what is going to happen to who and how and where. Christ said that "not even the angels" are given to know that secret. If we are to live always loving God and our brethren, then how should it matter. The end of life could come tomorrow, or tonight, for any man - "like a thief in the night," according to Jesus. In the meantime, we are to do the best we can with what we are responsible for.

On the subject of not condemning people for this or that reason, I think you have the right idea. I don't see where God ever asked us to help him out in making the judgements that only One who knows ALL can make. We're not equipped for that. Jesus said that the prostitutes will be coming into heaven ahead of many who think they are better. Jesus didn't advocate for the passage of this law, or that one. He stated no opinion on what the tax rates should be. He was concerned with higher things. It seems he did not expect this world to be just - and it certainly wasn't . . . to him. It hasn't become more just, since he left. He lived selflessly, and laid that as his gift to the Father. He pitied the world. He wept for the world. His heart was easily moved. He prayed for his executioners. Following that example, who can "disown" anyone? But people do. So the world is full of loneliness. To the extent that peope are not Christ-like, they will "freak you out" and encourage you to feel "scared and guilty." To that same extent they are a source of bad counsel.

Look for good pastors. They are out there. Some are Southern Baptists. They are apt to be more involved in praying, in loving, in doing . . . less apt to be busy always talking, except to tell people that God loves them and wants them to love each other.

[Thunder Bow]

Bible is all about control and social order. It preached fear and damnation. Always follow your heart.

[BeeKeeper]

Hey Thunderbear, I can totally relate to your struggle. Went through something similar not too long ago.
Try the book "Jesus for the Non-Religious" by John Shelby Spong. It's a little bit dense, but his goal is to separate the experience of Christ and God from the narrative created by thousands of years of legend and editing. It helped me a lot.

[Dante'sStoker]

Hello, thunderbear.