[hartbroken]

I have experienced so much torment in my past, and medicated it with behaviors that are explainable from being schizoaffective bipolar type/depressive type mixed. I have often wondered where the love of God is for me. Everybody tells me it's not what I feel, but what I know that is important. That makes it hard when you have schizoaffective, since your feelings lie to you and you have a thought disorder that has a lot of automatic thoughts that are delusional.

So where, if it's out there, is God's love? And purpose for my life? And forgiveness and understanding?

As cheesy as this may sound, I have strove to believe in God's love, even though I didn't, and it has turned into a habit and now I do believe that he has love for me. Plus, I laid my mind on the table before God - all my anger, my disillusionment, and my fears. I let God know everything I think of things, including him. He already knows anyway.

I can usually conclude at the end of the day, that God does love me and he pities me in my condition.

I find that if I hadn't searched for God, I'd have never known the love I experience now.

[sarek]

I know this pain and uncertainty quite well because my gf also likely has schizoaffective disorder, and doubts like the ones you express are on her mind too, because her brain is playing these cruel games with her.

So maybe I can best tell you what I always say to her. You are both deeply loved and love is within you. There is no reason to doubt or to be afraid. Even if we can often not see why things are as they are we still can trust that they are as they must be.

[allimsaying]

Theres no question in my mind at all that God loves you.

[girlwithbrownhair]

I also have no doubt that God loves you.