[AngstyLady]

I have another job interview tomorrow- and I'm excited, I guess. It is a step towards where I want to be. If I get the job. But . . . . I have so many other things on my mind. I decided I needed to post something here because of how I'm feeling. I'm trying not to emotionally eat- I'm almost tearful. I was just thinking (as I do sometimes) that it would just be easier if I wasn't here. I know it would hurt those that love me, and that's pretty ******- but I am just feeling so defeated with all the bad things out there in the world- and I feel helpless in making a difference- a real difference for the better. More and more I feel like I don't want to bring children into a world where there is so much spiritual warfare- I believe I would be letting down my boyfriend- he often talks about children. He talks about how I'd be a good mother, we will have good moral compasses, be good guides for them- but how are we to protect them from how the world works? It's no fair. I'm sick of it myself. I don't know, I'm just really feeling vulnerable and a bit broken now for some reason . . ..

[sabby]

I understand how you are thinking and feeling. We live in a very turbulent time in this world right now and it can be scary as all get out.

It's hard for us to figure out what kind of a difference we can make when we look at the world as a whole. In doing that, we make ourselves feel small and insignificant in the grand scheme of the world and it's issues.

For what it's worth, what I've learned over my years is that while I am not able to contribute to the world as a whole, I can contribute to one person or two people or even maybe 3 people in a day. I can help someone feel better, I can help pass on my positiveness, validation, compassion on the most intimate of levels...one on one.

For every action, there is a reaction. This goes with any action, be it negative or positive. So, if I want to make a difference, I try to make a positive action in which there will be a positive reaction and so on and so forth. While I may not know what that positive reaction is, it's okay, I don't feel the need to know. I just feel the need to make the positive action.

As far as bringing children into the world goes, that's a difficult decision to make. While no one who has children wants their children to be hurt or worse by the "way of the world", we can do everything in our power to teach them how to be a positive individual and to affect positive interactions with those around us. From there, one never knows where they may go with that. Maybe they would turn out to be someone who could help more folks on a worldly basis. This of course is a decision only you can make.

I hope what I've said makes sense to you. I know what I mean, but I'm not sure I got it out in a way that makes sense.

And, btw, wishing you good luck with the possible new job!

[avlady]

I once had a teacher who said to take care of my little corner of the world. instead of thinking of the world as too huge to help anyone. i think of that often when i'm feeling useless, i just do what i have to to help those around me in my little space.

[Thunder Bow]

Depression some times accompany pending potential change. If you get the job, you may feel more depressed at 1st. It all will pass.

[AngstyLady]

I'm feeling a bit better, sometimes I get in these moods, I suppose I'm manic depressive- I was watching a lot of videos on you tube yesterday, made me really question a lot of things- I do try to keep things in perspective and do what I can- It's hard not to think of the world as a whole though- I want so much to help influence the collective consciousness to start change for the better. I think the interview went well I hope to hear back from them early this next week.

[avlady]

i'm happy the interview went well!!!

[sabby]

It's hard not to think of the world as a whole though- I want so much to help influence the collective consciousness to start change for the better.

Even those who do influence the world as a whole have to start somewhere and it is usually with one person, then with 2 people, then they talk and get more people involved and it grows from there.

So, I do not mean that you could never do this, just that it has to start somewhere and it very rarely starts with a huge bang.

[Fuzzybear]