[Robyn222]

I have had the worst 3 and a half years of my life. It has been a constant struggle for money. I have no family. My depression worsened and I ended up in the hospital for the first time. I have been alone most of the time. I found an online support group (a famous one) where there was some stalking going on and the administration is part of it and I just left there. I feel lost and betrayed. The FBI is involved in that but I got cut out of that group because I knew what was going on (NO, I am not a paranoid schizophrenic LOL!). This is truly happening right now. So I am feeling very lost. I had some extra money and what usually takes me from 1 to 2 weeks to get a just get by job is not in its 6th month! I am so very worried I don' t know what to do. I keep telling myself it will be ok but I am terrified. What happens if I have no money? !!! My most beloved and cherished dog died. His name was Beau. He died of old age on 6/10/2005. I have never loved anything or anyone as I have loved Beau. I dream of just touching his face. Some believe that dogs, with their short lives, come back to us sometimes. OH GOD please let Beau come back to me. Some people understand the depth of my love and pain for my dog. They have loved their animals like this too. Before I had Beau I would have thought this eccentric or strange. But, I simply loved this dog with all of my heart and I cannot get over him. I will never get over him. He is a part of me. The most precious part of me I have ever known. I have such a longing to be with him again. No I would not hurt myself. I got 2 different dogs and each time it was a disaster. Like it wasn't meant to be.

Now we come to God. Where has he been? Why have I had to go through so very much pain and hardship in such a short period of time? I feel like it will never end? I am actually a professional who cannot get a job in my own field. Where is God? Where is he??? Please don't tell me he has been there all along. That will simply make me even madder at him. I want to know why he has not helped me out of this hell? Why does he just sit and watch?

[jefftele]

sort of know what you mean about the loss of a loved animal,i have lost many dogs to cruel illnesses i have not had a dog that lived till old age ,its been said that dogs give us unconditional love something humans find hard to do ,that's the reason for the great pain in loss.i think some of us are more sensitive to losses, its said that love does not know its depth till the hour of separation i know that to be true .if god's love is unconditional then losing that would also be unthinkable.i don't know why god does not intervene ,a book called 'why do bad things happen to good people' helped me a lot in this area .i find at times i get mad with god ,who wouldn't with some of the awful situations people find themselves in

[Soidhonia]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry for your loss take care. Soidhonia

[Maven]

One of my personal theories is, if there's a god(s), S/He/It/They started life and the world, but does not interfere in life. If there's a Heaven, what gets us there is how we treat others (regardless of how they treat us) and how we react to the things that happen to us. Mind you, it's only a theory, and not something I personally believe.

I think people want an explanation so badly, that sometimes they make their beliefs fit like a puzzle, even if it really doesn't make any sense. When they get what they pray for, they claim that proves prayer works. When they don't, they say that sometimes God says no. But I have a hard time accepting that, when adults who said that, as kids, they prayed Daddy or Uncle Bill wouldn't come in their bedroom and rape them again that night, but it kept happening. Michael Savage on the radio last night, whom I always thought was pro-religion and thought God to be good, surprised me when he talked about a friend who was dying of cancer, despite all the treatments (including chemotherapy), and this is a man, he says, "who didn't do a wrong thing in his life," went to church and was very Christian, and Michael Savage said that God screwed him over. He said he thinks God intervenes sometimes, but many times, He just lets people and animals suffer.

I'm really sorry for your loss and suffering.

[shadowolf]

Hello Robyn,
I am so sorry for the loss of your dog I know exactly where you are coming from with the love. I would like to tell you that each pet will be different, that your love for that pet will be just as deep but different. I hope that you will find your new furbaby, they make things so much easier to deal with.
I would also like to tell you that some people believe that God never gives you more than you can handle, but like you I wonder where he is now. It would be nice to know that he knows when we have had enough.
I don't pretend that I know the answers but I just wanted to let you know that you are definitely not alone and I would really like to get to know you better.