[kimmydawn]

I wanted to share this with all...

Many of you are aware of the difficulties my family is facing right now...the fears, the concerns, so much...

My youngest daughter is having such a difficult time with her pregnancy, grave's disease, hyperthyroidism, grave's opthalmopathy, hepatitis, goiter, tachycardia, high blood pressure, palpitations, severe muscle aches due to the auto-immune meds, severe nausea due to the hyperthyroidism, at least two drugs that aren't approved for pregnancy, 2 herniated discs with sciatica involvement, and I'm SURE there's more I've missed. Dizzying, isn't it?

My baby is just trying to nest her little boy, Jonathan, in a body that's completely unstable and not safe. She's traumatized.

During this time, my oldest also announced that she was pregnant and 5 days later, she miscarried. The very next month she found herself pregnant again and we hope for this pregnancy.

I'm raising my 4-year-old nephew who's parents found themselves with no home again on Monday while the family waits for my brother to "crash"...knowing it's just a matter of time.

My boy? He's doing well.

It's day by day here.

I spend alot of my time pleading with God, the universe, and anyone/anything else that I think might hear me, "please keep mine safe...please", to be thankful the next morning when I see my daughter's face and know she and baby are OK. I do the same for my oldest...

My world has been out of control with very little peace for me. I can find that here and with what I do. It seems like it's the only thing in my world that hasn't changed.

Tuesday we were expecting just our second spring storm. I looked on the news and saw that it was very close. I wanted to go outside to catch some lightening in the distance...just view it and feel the breeze blowing it in on a warm evening.

I wasn't expecting what I walked out onto my porch to feel and see. I was immediately slapped by cold, light right...blowing sideways in the strong wind. Just then, when I turned to go in, I saw the lightening...so beautiful in the clouds at a distance. I was drawn to stay.

I sat in a canvas chair and hunkered down from the wind and rain. It protected me. I tucked myself further in it while I was mesmerized by my surroundings in that moment.

I've often been attracted to storms, either watching them if they're not severe, preparing for them if they are, or using them in 1,000 analogies or poems to reflect hard times in my life.

Here I was, smack dab in the middle of both...two types of storms.

I wanted to feel this storm! It was raging for me. It was unpredictable, angry, attacking, coming full-force...just like everything in my life. It reflected the feelings I felt inside...anger, chaos, stinging "slaps", even action then result with the lightening then the roaring clap of thunder.

For ten minutes, I was one with my universe. But it was more than that...

Not only was I one and whole in the moment inside that storm, it felt as if God or the universe was showing me relation. Hugging me tight and saying, "I know how this is for you and let me show you!" It was one of the most profound spiritual experiences of my life.

In that moment, I was whole...there was nothing but me in this storm and this storm in me.

Then...

Right in the middle of it, I got up and went inside. Why? I wondered that after I went inside and laid down...suddenly peacefully exhausted. I wondered that for four days...

I've tried to keep myself close to this because it was very spiritual and healing for me, but also because I didn't know why I did such a "stupid thing" when I was experiencing so much in the moment.

I realized tonight why, and it was just as profound to me. Without thought, my body got up and left this storm because just as is in my life...this storm isn't over. HOWEVER, I'm left with the knowledge that this storm DID PASS.

My God/universe said so much to me that night and I'm so thankful I had my inner self and soul open to "hear" it. My storm is raging, my God and universe does understand and showed me that and screamed for me the things I couldn't say as well as expressed for me what I'm too frightened to show, but also showed me that the storm did pass.

I'm holding on tight to all of it. I'm opening myself up to latch onto to what this life wants to show me, give me, experience with me.

I hope and pray for more experiences like these...if just for a few minutes.

What a ride...

KD

[(JD)]

Trials are used by God... to show us marvelous things of HIM.

http://www.gty.org/resources.php?sec...pts&aid=216015

[kimmydawn]

Thank you (((((((((sky)))))))))

It's hard to put into words, but the experience spoke volumes to me...or I looked for the volumes being spoken in sheer desperation.

I knew I had to turn a corner with this, and was able to.

KD

[(JD)]

KD I firmly believe that it is not what we go through, but how we go through it. (I've said that for 35 years now.)

Each of us have our own lives, our own trials. Many people often wonder why their life is so tough when another's isn't. But of course, everyone has tough times in their life. What is easy for me may be tough for you, what is easy for you may be tough for someone else, etc. Here at PC we have such a large membership, that we find others who find things tough the same way we do. I don't gain comfort, myself, from knowing others are also suffering, but for most ppl there is comfort in knowing they aren't alone.

Regardless of what I go through, it isn't the what that's important, imo. There will always be gardeners who don't show up, washing machines that break, children that are sick, cars that breakdown, etc. It's how I go through those events that matter. Do I trust in God to see me through? Can I rise up above it and see what I can learn or grow from the event/experience?

For me, I KNOW that I will not get through with an experience until I have obtained what God intended for me to learn. Sometimes it's merely stopping long enough and asking God to show me. That can shorten the trial indeed! But even as I go through events, often the overwhelming ones, if I can know that He is there teaching me, it can be easier to do.

I just wish my ptsd would allow me to realize this while I'm in the midst of being overwhelmed! But my God understands that too... and I thank God my T does too!

[kimmydawn]

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I just wish my ptsd would allow me to realize this while I'm in the midst of being overwhelmed! But my God understands that too... and I thank God my T does too!

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OMGosh, how I understand that one. Yes, often times I can't see in the moment what I see in hindsight...for sure.

Sky, thank you for responding. It means alot to me.

I feel I've already learned some very very valuable lessons including, don't sweat the small stuff because there's so much that matters more...life and death stuff. Also, I've learned not to take my life today for granted because there's a blessing in every second of every minute of every day.

Yes, I've learned alot.

I've learned that I can't give away what I don't have since I've been literally forced to let go.

The serenity prayer? Yes, I used to pray it. I've been forced to act it.

Yes, I've learned alot.

I'm blessed.

KD

KD, so many, many people are praying for your family. they are on my family's prayer lists. and i have a lot of family. you will weather this storm, i know that seems hard now, but you will and come out on the other side into bright sunlight. xoxoxo pat

[kimmydawn]

Thank you so much, Pat.

This has been one of the scariest, and long-enduring, experiences of my adult life for sure. This is my baby and my baby's baby.

Almost everything else is small potatoes, blown away like leaves in the storm.

Thank you again,

KD